The MMA Journalist

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Great Text Messages in MMA History

In the old days, people used smoke signals to communicate over long distances. Then came the Pony Express, which was great if you didn’t mind your letters getting to their destination weeks later and reeking of sweaty horse. Email sped things up greatly, but near-instantaneous communication wasn’t achieved until the advent of the text message. Yes, the text message, something nearly everyone with a cellular telephone has access to, and something that allows for the immediate gratification of needing only seconds to either tell someone you hate them or tell someone you love them. Or both! Well, thanks to a Freedom of Information Act request and a cousin that works in the National Security Agency, MMA Journalist has gotten a hold of a slew of private communiqués exceedingly relevant to this industry. So get ready for… great text messages in MMA history!

Dana White to Joe Silva, moments after Fedor lost to Fabricio Werdum on Saturday night: “Make Vadim offer, Fedor worth 20 and 20 - cents!”
Joe Silva to Dana White: "LOL! U so crazy!"
Werdum to wife, moments after he defeated Fedor: “OMG! Still alive! Yes!!!”
Cris “Cyborg” Santos to husband, not long after she defeated Jan Finney: “Hungry for more blood. Stop by grocery store, pick up bag boy.”
Scott Coker to Gina Carano, after the ratings were released for Saturday night’s Strikeforce event on Showtime: “Please come back. Please.”
Dana White to Sherdog, pretty much once a month: “I hate you, please die. K thanx bye.”
Dana White to Kevin Iole of Yahoo! Sports, prior to their last interview: “Hey, make sure to get my dry cleaning on your way over. Remember: extra starch.”
Brock Lesnar to Shane Carwin, after Fedor lost on Saturday night: “Crap, our bout might actually mean something now. I wish I had trained. I’ve only been drinking Coors Lite and lying on top of my wife.”
Shane Carwin to Brock Lesnar: “Can’t talk, Brock. Working double-shift at Home Depot to make up for paltry fight purse.”
New York State Assembly to Dana White: “Getting close. Send more money.”

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

New York: Wants More Underground Shows, Less UFCs

The State Assembly is negging Governor David Paterson's attempt to include the legalization of MMA in the state budget, and things don't look good re: the Assembly getting their act together enough to pass their own MMA bill. So says the New York Daily News - http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2010/06/29/2010-06-29_mixed_martial_arts_ok_faces_ko.html.

RIP Michael Kirkham

Mixed martial arts in the United States saw it's second death in the cage this past weekend, with lightweight fighter Michael Kirkham suffering head trauma during a bout in South Carolina and dying soon after. It was Kirkham's pro debut, but he had six amateur fights under his belt, and by all accounts this was a fully-sanctioned and regulated event. This is a tragedy for all involved - for Kirkham and his family, of course, and for his opponent, who simply did his job and now must forever live with Kirkham's blood on his hands. The likelihood of injury is ever-present in MMA, yet no one expects death to occur, and sadly, it infrequently does. Everyone will always remember Sam Vasquez for being the first fighter to die in a sanctioned US bout, but we should never forget Michael Kirkham. To do otherwise would dishonor the sport he died for.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Observations from My Couch: Strikeforce's "The Fall of Fedor"

Josh Thomson looked like a top-level fighter, but where the hell did this awesomely difficult Pat Healy come from? Healy performed like a beast.
I don’t know why referee Kim Winslow wanted Jan Finney dead, but it was clear she wasn’t going to make Cyborg stop until there was Finney guts splattered all over the cage.
Mark my words: Cris “Cyborg” Santos will be the first female fighter to cross over into the male 145-pound division and win a belt. In fact, on Sunday morning champ Jose Aldo had his manager call Sean Shelby at the WEC to add a “no Cyborg” clause to his contract.
Scott Smith may have lost, but Cung Le definitely respected Smith’s fists something fierce this time around.
Congrats, Fabricio Werdum, you’ve won the lottery. Spend your money (i.e., fame) wisely.
Regardless of what anyone may say, one tap out to a triangle choke does not erase a decade of taking on – and destroying – the best heavyweights in the world. You are still the man, Fedor.

Friday, June 25, 2010

UFC Terminates Keith Jardine

The UFC has terminated Keith Jardine after years of faithful service, the result of a string of consecutive losses including a recent majority decision loss to Matt Hamill at the TUF 11 Finale. A veteran of TUF 2 and most known for his unorthodox striking style and scary rapist-looking face, Jardine was long a staple in the Octagon, scoring notable victories over Forrest Griffin and Chuck Liddell and getting destroyed by everyone from Wanderlei Silva to Thiago Silva to Houston Alexander. "I liked Keith - he was a good kid," said Head UFC Executioner Dana White. "But we just couldn't justify paying him when all he did was look mean and then go unconscious." According to White, Jardine was taken out behind a utility shed in the Zuffa Complex parking lot and shot. Said White, "I hated doing it. But believe me, I was gentle."

Observations from My Couch: Bellator's "Season 2 Finale Ass-Kicking"

Zoila Frausto crushing Rosi Sexton like that was akin to Matt Serra crushing Georges St. Pierre in their first fight. Sexton was the number one 125-pound female fighter, and Frausto utterly smoked her.
Announcing that you’re going to fight in a future Bellator tournament and then taking a tune-up fight = you’re going to die. Don’t do it!
Alexander Shlemenko was sloppy, but he got the job done. Hector Lombard is going to kill him, though.
Watching Nick Mamalis got me pretty excited for the upcoming bantamweight tournament – a tournament that Zach Makovsky is going to win.
Patricio Freire practically destroyed Joe Warren in the first round, and yet Warren bounced back to earn the decision. The dude definitely deserved the championship belt.
Bellator Season 2 was full of win.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

M-1 Global "Selection" Card Revealed

At last, the M-1 Global “Selection” card, which is scheduled to take place at Bally’s Casino in Atlantic City on Saturday, has been revealed! Here are some of the fighters to watch out for:

Tom Gallicchio, welterweight scrapper and lifetime member of the “New Jersey Badass Club”.
Aaron Meisner, Muay Thai specialist from Philadelphia who throws deadly knees from the clinch.
Shane Primm, veteran of TUF 8 but not one of the dudes that ate jizz. I think.
Josh Key, lightweight powerhouse capable of dishing out KOs and slams.
Ariel Sepulveda, light-heavyweight striker who will punch you in the face as much as look at you.
Andrei Kapilov, who is some Russian sambo guy but not the same Russian sambo guy who kneebarred Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt Castello Branco back at a Rings event in 1999. Damn, that would’ve been cool if it was the same guy, though, right? That guy had sick submissions.

Predictions for Strikeforce's "Ultimate Fedor - No, Wait."

Yeah, so, Fedor. Fighting again. This time on Showtime, because he hates CBS for shooting down his spec script for “CSI: Moscow”. Or something. Anyway, everyone’s favorite legitimate number one heavyweight fighter in the world who never did pro wrestling and has more than five fights is facing pretty much just a warm body in Fabricio Werdum, so expect someone to die on cable TV on Saturday night. (Uh, woot?) Here are some other predictions:

Pat Healy versus Josh Thomson? Strikeforce isn’t tossing Thomson a softball as much as they’re tossing him an inflatable beach ball filled with whipped cream and feathers. Thomson via man-rape.
Cris “Cyborg” Santos, the top 145-pound female fighter on the planet, is facing Jan Finney, who is unranked. Cyborg via man-rape.
Striker elite Cung Le gets another crack at Scott Smith. You may recall that in their last meeting, Le gave Smith a beating for about two and half rounds until Smith turned it around and knocked him out. You may recall that, but Le certainly doesn’t. The dude was wrecked!
Fabricio Werdum is really good at jiu-jitsu. Fedor is really good at killing to death the practitioners of jiu-jitsu. Things don’t look good for Werdum.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Outrage Grows Over Doctor's Decision to Allow Matt Hamill to Compete While Deaf

Outrage has continued to grow over the fact that Matt Hamill was allowed to compete at the TUF 11 finale on Saturday, with the majority of the vitriol aimed at the Nevada State Athletic Commission-appointed physician who conducted Hamill's pre-fight screening and permitted the TUF 3 veteran to enter the cage while deaf. Hamill ended up securing the hard-fought majority decision after going three rounds with Keith Jardine. But at no time was Hamill able to hear anything, raising concerns that Hamill was cleared despite the very real threat of him giving Jardine his deafness. "This issue here is if those of us who saw Matt Hamill's deafness on TV can second-guess the medical professional who examined him in real life," said anonymous blog comment poster FiteGeek15yrsold. "And the answer is 'yes'. We on the Internet know way more than someone with years of med school who looked at him up close." When asked for comment, NSAC Chief Sign Language User Keith Kizer responded by pressing his palms to his ears and repeating, "Blah, blah, blah, I can't hear you."

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

What's Doing in Albany

If the past couple of years have taught us anything, it's that you can predict what's going to happen in Albany about as well as you can predict if BJ Penn has actually done cardio. Yes, I'm talking about the legalization of MMA in New York, and yes, I'm talking about how damn close we are again to getting it done. Just like last year, the bill that would allow the UFC into Madison Square Garden has passed through the toughest committee in the Assembly and it must get through a couple of other committees before it can go to the Assembly floor for a vote. However, unlike last year, the Senate has done their part by passing their own version of the bill. So, this is what I know (and take it with a huge grain of salt. We’re talking about politicians and the great mysteries of the legislative process, after all):

The sands in the hourglass have run out on legislative sessions, but the Assembly is still meeting to get a state budget done. The state budget is almost three months overdue.
The governor is all for the legalization of MMA, and would sign the bill if the Assembly passes it.
The governor included MMA in his part of the budget proposal, as did the Senate, so if the bill doesn’t get passed to legalize the sport, the budget proposal – once approved – would accomplish the same thing.
Matt Serra was sent by Zuffa to Albany yesterday. Zuffa thinks it’s close.
I was told by an insider that it’s close. This person knows their stuff, and will likely play an important role in MMA in New York.
The New York State Athletic Commission, while not entirely prepared to hit the ground running, has been doing some work to get ready.
According to the text, if the bill going through the legislature passes, then there will be no more underground shows. If the bill attached to the budget proposal passes instead, underground shows are on like Donkey Kong.

Take these facts for what they’re worth, which is nothing when it comes to the machinations of the Albany clusterfuck machine. Last year we were on track and it seemed like nothing was going to stop it, and then an unforeseen Senate coup screwed us. Literally anything can, and will, happen.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Observations from My Couch: "DVR 100% Full"

Other than wearing him like a blanket, Dan Hornbuckle had absolutely nothing for Ben Askren.
Askren is going to get killed by Lyman Good. I hope.
Note to fighters interested in getting in on a Bellator tournament: do not announce your intentions to participate in a tournament and then fight in a single-bout match as a tune-up. You’re going to get killed.
Rich Attonito is clearly good. Also, Jamie Yager is clearly sucky.
Dennis Siver looks like a poorly-constructed action figure.
Congrats to Aaron Simpson for earning the “Best Faceplant in an MMA Bout” award. Seriously, he looked like he was a reject from the tryouts for “So You Think You Can Dance?”
Whoever let Matt Hamill compete with the gnarly staph sore on his back should be shot. Hamill himself should be shot twice.
Good showing for Court McGee. Did Kris McCray not know he had to prepare for a fight?
Will Campuzano needed that loss, as only a fighter with an unhealthy sense of self-worth would sport a haircut like that.
Oh my God, it took Chris Horodecki almost two and a half rounds to defeat someone with Down’s Syndrome. Sad. So sad.
How can you lose with a name like “Bendy”? Via grappling, apparently.
Will “Bad Mofo” Kerr.
Josh Grispi is pure beast. The sport’s 145-pound division is now the most exciting division in all of MMA.
Mark Hominick versus Yves Jabouin was a slobberknocker for sure. I guess as long as Hominick doesn’t fight grapplers it’s all good in the ‘hood.
World Extreme Groinfighting. Apologies to Jamie Varner’s nuts.
A majority draw? How the hell did Kamal Shalorus not lose a point for that last kick to the junk? Was referee Josh Rosenthal in on the fix?
Kenny Florian did a great job commentating for both the TUF Finale and the WEC. That’s all I have to say on the matter.

MMA Mayhem Postscript

It was the first outdoor event I've been to since a 2001 King of the Cage at Soboba Casino, and despite a thin card it was pretty entertaining. The home team went 5-1, with Chris Liguori, Jose Rodriguez and Adam Fearon racking up strong wins. The decision in the Dante Rivera/Dan Cramer bout could've gone either way, but no way did Rivera take all three rounds. Also, it was cool having people screaming on a rollercoaster in the background, although if a promoter plans a future show on the runway of an active airport or in the center of a racetrack, I will have to boycott the event.