Predictions for Strikeforce: "Carano vs. Cyborg"

• Jay Hieron will be declared the winner by disqualification when, after seeing opponent Jesse Taylor stumble, slur his words and vomit three times on the way to the ring, officials determine that Taylor is intoxicated to the point of blacking out.
• Renato "Babalu" Sobral and Gegard Mousasi will wage an absolute war over the Strikeforce light-heavyweight belt. But no matter what the outcome, Babalu's finely-coiffed hair will remain pristine.
• Utilizing world-class jiu-jitsu, Fabricio Werdum is going to get Mike Kyle down and mount him. Kyle will then produce a taser and stun the Brazilian, and when he's disqualified for cheating, he'll claim it was just "a heat of the moment thing".
• Gilbert Melendez and Mitsuhiro Ishida are just going to wrestle. That's it. Just wrestle.
• Gina Carano will defeat Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos after a long, protracted battle. She will, unfortunately, sustain a bite in the bout, and during the next full moon will temporarily transform into a feral Brazilian jungle cat.

Tara LaRosa Deserves a Superfight

Mention women's MMA to anyone and they'll immediately think of Gina Carano, then salivate over Carano's inevitable superfight against Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos. Sadly, though widely considered the best in the world at 135 pounds (Carano fights at 180 pounds), Tara LaRosa's been in the game longer and accomplished more, yet commands only a fraction of the attention. What LaRosa needs is a superfight. Sure, she's headlining this weekend's Extreme Challenge: "Mayhem at the Marina", but it's a foregone conclusion that she'll put Sally Krumdiak away with a submission before time runs out. LaRosa should be facing the best, facing someone who'll make for a "Oh wow!" kind of match-up. That person might actually be located right here in the Northeast. Her name is Vanessa Porto. A Brazilian and member of Gold Team Fighters (which is based in Newark, New Jersey), Porto has wins over Hitomi Akano and Tonya Evinger, and she's got aggressiveness and experience against top-level fighters - two things that could make for a competitive and compelling fight against the Fight Factory femme. Think Carano vs. Cyborg will be exciting? LaRosa vs. Porto could put you into cardiac arrest. This is a superfight worthy of the best 135-pound female fighter in the world.

Gina Carano Speculates Wildly, Predicts Plagues and Apocalypse

The eagerly-anticipated match-up between Gina Carano and Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos has yet to be formalized, but erstwhile female MMA superstar Carano recently gave an interview where she speculated wildly about the near future, dropping hints to fans everywhere as to when Carano vs. Cyborg may happen. "And now I saw a pale horse, and its rider's name was 'Death'," said Carano, who went from marquee fighter with EliteXC to contractual limbo with Strikeforce in recent months. "And there followed after him another horse whose rider's name was 'Hell'. They were given control of one-fourth of the earth, to kill with war and famine and disease and wild animals." Carano's last venture into the cage was in October, when she defeated Kelly Kobold by unanimous decision. Rumors have abounded concerning her return. When pressed for an exact date, Carano responded, "Here is wisdom. He who has understanding, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man. His number is six hundred sixty-six." No word yet from Strikeforce to confirm if this is the date of a Showtime event or CBS event. Stay tuned for more.

How Scary is Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos?

You may recognize her as that tough Chute Boxe representative who wrecked Shayna Baszler and Yoko Takahashi in EliteXC. You may know her as the fighter destined to face Gina Carano in what will be female MMA's biggest marquee match-up yet. But Brazil's Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos, who's slated to execute Hitomi Akano at Strikeforce's April 11th show, is more than that: she's actually one of the most frightening individuals in the sport. So just how scary is Cyborg?

• At EliteXC's "Unfinished Business" event in California, a mix up in the locker rooms had Cyborg confronting an innocent Robbie Lawler and accusing him of stealing her ice bucket. Lawler reportedly burst into tears and was inconsolable for an hour afterwards.
• At last year's Chute Boxe Secret Santa gift exchange, trainer Rudimar Fedrigo gave Cyborg a small kitten. She swallowed the whole thing before he could tell her it was supposed to be a pet.
• Heavyweight slugger Brett Rogers was originally offered a chance to fight Cyborg on April 11th. His reply: "Man, I ain't ready for that. You trying to get me killed?"
• The most popular Halloween mask in Brazil for the last two years has been the "Cristiane 'Cyborg' Santos" mask.
• All of Cyborg's past opponents and two officiating referees now suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, and three of the fighters have sought medical treatment. One of the referees has given up MMA and become a Hare Krishna.

Strikeforce Showing Us How It's Done

Rumors are trickling in as to who will be fighting on the new and improved Strikeforce's April 11th Showtime card. Frank Shamrock and Nick Diaz have signed on the dotted line and will be facing each other, Benji Radach and Scott Smith are throwing down, Robbie Lawler may be rematching with Joey Villasenor, Gilbert Melendez is fighting, Josh Thomson may be fighting, and maybe, just maybe, Gina Carano and Cristiane Cyborg might be in the mix. You know, for the past few months there's been a void left behind thanks to EliteXC's demise, and fans have been stuck with about ten versions of the same UFC a month plus the rare Affliction event. But with Strikeforce's new contract with Showtime and CBS, things have suddenly changed, and changed in a big way. We now have options when it comes to seeing intriguing and captivating fights, and our heroes - like Diaz, Radach, Lawler and Carano - can once again return to battle. It's a good time to be a fan.

EliteXC "Heat" Liveblog 4

• It's 8:15. Edson Berto and Conor Heun had a great fight, with Berto gaining the distinction of being the first fighter of the night to stain the cage canvas with his blood.
• Berto's corner is concerned that when he goes backstage, Cristiane Cyborg will catch the scent and go into a feeding frenzy.
• Affliction honcho Tom Atencio is here. Oddly enough, he's not wearing any Affliction apparel.
• Just kidding. Of course he is.
• The Kimbo/Shamrock mystery continues. The prelim bout between Seth Petruzelli and Aaron Rosa was skipped, and the prevailing rumors are that both were offered up to Kimbo. Where's that janitor?

EliteXC "Heat" Liveblog 2

• The Ken Shamrock/Kimbo Slice fight is definitely off. Sounds like they're trying to get Kimbo to fight TUF veteran Seth Petruzelli.
• Tito Ortiz is here, mobbed by fans and taking pics with every single one of them.
• It's 6:40 and the first of the prelims are about to get underway.
• Cristiane Cyborg just walked by again, this time holding hands with her husband. Small children weep and tremble with fear.

EliteXC "Heat" Liveblog 1

MMA Journalist is here at the BankAtlantic Center to liveblog EliteXC's "Heat" event. At 6:20 the cage is empty, and fans are trickling in to the arena.

• Yves Edwards is wandering around, all smiles as usual.
• Matt Polly, author of "American Shaolin", is here.
• The food selection in the press room consists of hamburgers, hot dogs, grilled chicken breasts and a decent potato salad.
• Polly favors a hot dog slathered in mayonnaise.
• A security guard says there's a rumor going around that Ken Shamrock is injured and that the main event is off. No one is able to confirm or deny this rumor.
• Cristiane Cyborg is strolling around the arena - very friendly and approachable. The blood covering her shirt seems human in origin, but she insists it's from a deer that wandered into the Chute Boxe locker room.