Dana White Promotional Tour to Include Appearance on Jimmy Fallon Show, Ringing NASDAQ Bell, Selling Hotdogs at Gray's Papaya and Using Macy's Toilet

In conjunction with his promotional tour for the release of the "UFC 2009 Undisputed" video game, UFC Giant Tiki-Tiki Head Dana White will be appearing on the "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" show tonight in New York City, as well as ringing the closing bell for the NASDAQ stock exchange. According to a statement issued by Zuffa, White will also be selling hotdogs at the 72nd Street & Broadway Gray's Papaya location at midday, using the toilet at the world-famous Macy's department store in midtown, vomiting on the sidewalk in front of where CBGB's once stood on the Bowery and hawking stolen car stereos under the Manhattan Bridge in Chinatown. If his schedule permits it, White will also stab a pedestrian in Morningside Park and pass out in a hooker's apartment in the Frederick Douglass Houses low-income housing projects.

Q & A with Mirko CroCop's Shin

With the recent news that Mirko CroCop may be returning to the Octagon for UFC 99 in Germany, MMA Journalist tracked down the once-feared Pride star's shin for an interview. Always willing to talk, CroCop's shin addressed a number of issues, including up-coming opponent Mustapha Al-Turk and the pressure of performing.

• So, you're CroCop's shin. How's that working out for you? Great! It's going great.
• How's it feel to be returning to the UFC? Things didn't exactly work out for you the last time around... No, they absolutely did not. But you know what? I blame that on bad match-ups.
• Bad match-ups? Yeah. I mean, look at who I faced. Gabriel Gonzaga, who totally copied my signature move - which I had trademarked, and yes, there is still legal action pending for trademark infringement. And then there was Cheick Kongo. Do you realize how tall that guy is? I can get up that high, man. I just can't.
• Okay, so you faced opponents who were bad match-ups for you. What about your UFC 99 opponent, Mustapha Al-Turk? Oh, he should be no problem. He's only about 6'2", so I definitely can reach his head.
• Do you feel any sort of pressure in regards to your return? After all, you were at one time considered one of the top heavyweight fighters in the world. Yeah, yeah, blah, blah. I was at the top but now I'm not. Listen, of course there's pressure. There always is in bouts you give a crap about. I didn't feel any pressure in my previous UFC bouts because I didn't give a crap about them. I honestly thought Pride fighters were tougher than UFC fighters, so I thought it would be easy. Well, I learned otherwise, so now I give a crap. Consequently, now I feel pressure.
• How do you feel fighting for the UFC? Do you miss Pride? I like the UFC fine. Do I miss Pride? Well, I gotta tell you, I miss that cute little Japanese number who'd hit on me after my bouts. Now I have this clown Joe Rogan sticking a microphone in my face. He is no where near as cute.
• Alrighty then. That's all the questions I have. Do you want to add anything for the fans? Sure. Stay tuned for a knockout at UFC 99. I've been kicking over banana trees in training and I'm going to take someone's head off.
• Banana trees? Really? No, not really. It just sounds cool.

From the Mailbag re: Should Dana White Go for MMA to Grow?

From the mailbag: "Congratulations! You have been awarded the sum of $10,000,000 USD from the Royal Nigerian State Lottery. To collect your prize, send your full name, address, telephone number and date of birth to ukoffice10@btinternet.com and you will be mailed a check for the sum. Do not delay in your reply." - Online Notification

Gee, thanks Mr. Online Notification. That really doesn't address the whole Dana White question, but I appreciate your response.

Congrats to Team New York San Da

Congrats are in order for Team New York San Da for their performances at that New York-area underground show in Friday. The event may have been unsanctioned and unregulated, but the fact that you stepped into the cage to test and sharpen yourselves speaks volumes to your progress as a fight team.

Observations From My Couch: Bellator FC Week 7

• Alonzo Martinez, Victor Meza, Jose Chalupa, Chico Gonzales... A whole bunch of people I still don't know fought and won and lost. Yippee.
• Boy was that Jay White/Eddie Sanchez bout a non-starter. That shouldn't even count as a win for Sanchez. That should go on his criminal record as a mugging.
• It was nice of Jorge Ortiz to get all in shape for his welterweight semifinal bout. Please, someone get that guy a sandwich or something and then make him do some calisthenics.
• Lyman Good is like a life-sized action figure that can punch you in the face really hard and choke the crap out of you. Fear him.
• It's sad seeing someone like Dave Menne - the UFC's first middleweight champ and a true elder statesman in the sport - get his ass completely handed to him. Time is the enemy of us all.
• Omar De La Cruz versus Good for the welterweight crown. Can I get a woot-woot?

Observations From My Couch: "Strikeforce Challengers"

• You'd think that at some point someone would have clued Tito Jones in on the fact that he was in a fight and not a sparring match. In fights, you actually have to defeat your opponent, not just rock them and let them recover.
• Aaron Rosa and Anthony Ruiz - not ready for prime time!
• I'd like to see Lavar Johnson against someone like Alistair Overeem or Brett Rogers. He'd probably have to throw two or three punches then.
• Sarah Kaufman and Miesha Tate had a decent little scrap, but one thing was very apparent as the bout went on: neither one were Tara LaRosa.
• It's good that the Mike Aina/Billy Evangelista bout was stopped in Round 2. If it had gone the distance, there's no telling how many more fouls Evangelista would have committed.

Question for the Weekend: Does Dana White Need to Go for MMA to Grow?

Here's a question for you: Does UFC president and head potty mouth Dana White need to step down from his highly-visible position for MMA to grow? It goes without saying that White has been instrumental in taking the UFC and the sport in general to its current heights. But are his profanity, reputation and in-your-face style hindering further growth? Ponder that, then send your response to mma_journalist@yahoo.com . If you say something smart - or at least funny - MMA Journalist will discuss the email next week.

Weekend Schedule

A lot of MMA this weekend. ShoMMA airs tonight on Showtime, while the latest installment of Bellator FC touches down in Chicago and features the welterweight semifinals of Lyman Good vs. Jorge Ortiz and Dave Menne vs. Omar De La Cruz. If Good and Menne win (which they should), they'll be facing each other in the finals (most likely at Mohegan Sun on June 12th). Check out ESPN Deportes tomorrow night for the airing of tonight's Bellator event.

Also tonight is a very hush-hush underground show not far from New York City. The card is a mix of different kinds of bouts, including MMA.

On Saturday night promoters Lou Neglia and Carl Mascarenhas are teaming up for an Asylum Fight League event dubbed "Fusion". Club Abyss in Sayreville, New Jersey is the venue.

ShoMMA Fun Facts

ShoMMA, aka Strikeforce Challengers, aka "Strikeforce Lite", aka "Where the Up and Comers Earn Their Paychecks", airs tonight on Showtime. The card reads like a West Coast regional event - which is fine - but most of the names may be foreign to casual MMA fans, so MMA Journalist has compiled a handy list of fun facts! Did you know...

• That undefeated lightweight Billy Evangelista is the cousin of supermodel Linda Evangelista? Neither did he!
• That Mike Aina was the original "Punchy" - the official mascot of the fruit drink "Hawaiian Punch"? When Aina reached adulthood and was deemed "too old" for the role, he was replaced by actor Haley Joel Osment.
• That neither Sarah Kaufman nor Miesha Tate have ever worked at Hooters?
• That Lavar Johnson's nickname "Big" is misleading, as the 246-pound heavyweight is actually only 4'6"? He was raised on Jupiter, where gravity is far greater, so his body is more compact and much more dense than that of a normal human!
• That Bao Quach was named after a Vietnamese sandwich containing pork, pickled diakon, shredded carrots and field mouse on a toasted baguette? The sandwich is delicious!

Mitch the Intern's TUF 9 Recap: Episode 7

*Editor's note: Mitch the Intern is an NYU undergrad whose favorite Wednesday night pastime includes the TV in his dorm room, a green beanbag chair and two hits of acid. Enjoy.*

Like a Steven Soderbergh film, this episode is layered with scenes and montages of only tangential relevance to the TUF premise of aspiring fighters locked away in a house and competing for a UFC contract. In other words: WTF?

In the training center, the Brit team works out using various methods of "man holding man" machismo. Somewhere in Manhattan's Chelsea neighborhood, a gay bar's patrons hoot and holler as they watch on a big-screen TV. Then Michael Bisping introduces a giant tire and sledgehammer, and Team UK proceeds to smash the floor, themselves and their guitars and drums because that's what The Who did back in the day.

Cut to Team America: World Police, and a brooding Jason Pierce. He hates his teammates, he hates MMA, he hates living in the TUF house and he hates Smurfy.

Meanwhile, Carrot Top has cooties. "Don't touch me," says Pierce. "I hate cooties."

Back to Team UK and David Faulkner, whom everyone loves and wishes he were their dad or something. Due to their accents I gather that Faulkner can wrestle well and has good stand-up, but one of the Brits either says Faulkner is a "pitbull" or a "pickle". God, who knows.

We then return to Team America: World Police and the ongoing saga of Pierce, now revealed to have an injured foot. "I hate feet," Pierce declares. "Just be positive," suggests the Queen of England (aka Dan). Big Tall French Guy chimes in with a "Oui" - which means "yes" in kickboxing. "I hate you all," says Pierce, and he hobbles away. "I don't know what's going on in Jason's head sometimes," says the Queen of England, and then he lies down in a corner of the gym and becomes very, very still. Eventually a cactus sprouts up and grows around him.

Cut to the next fight selection, where Carrot Top is paired up against Nottingham Forest's favorite son, Ross the Incoherent. Will Carrot Top's cooties clear up in time?

Then it's time for tennis! What a second, tennis? WTF? Anyway, Dana White gathers both teams at a tennis court, and after he and Bisping embrace - and stare long and hard into each other's eyes, their mouth's just inches apart and their lips quivering like a fat kid quivers when faced with a real-life version of Mayor McCheese - Dana announces that Bisping and the Queen of England will play tennis for money. Hilarity does not ensue. The Queen of England wins handily, but the real winners are the fans of tennis, who will never have to be subjected to watching this unless they somehow click on SpikeTV while changing channels on an afternoon they're not out horseback riding or playing polo.

Fast-forward to a birthday celebration at the TUF house. It's Carrot Top's birthday!

Switch to outside, where Big Tall French Guy and Frank Loser are listening to Cameron Dollar-Dollar-Bill-Y'All weep over love lost. "I really miss 'Sex in the City'," Cameron Dollar-Dollar-Bill-Y'All says amidst sobs. "Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha... I miss them all."

And then it's fight time. Ross the Incoherent keeps picking up Carrot Top and dumping him on the mat, and though he delivers an illegal knee to the grill while Carrot Top is on the ground, the point deduction means nothing; he eventually gets Carrot Top in position for a submission and snags an armbar. The end.