Predictions for UFC 104: "Concentrate, Daniel-San - Wax On, Wax Off"

UFC 104 approaches, and with it comes the latest installment of the popular "The Karate Kid" series. When last we left Daniel-San, he was victorious in defeating the bully Rashad Evans. But his Crane Technique can only carry him so far, and his next opponent - the Shogun of Harlem - is the baddest mo-fo, low-down around this town. Will Daniel-San emerge victorious? Or will he face doom in the Octagon and forever be known as "The Last Dragon"? Predictions!

• Lyoto Machida will win. He's been drinking his own urine, and that's some serious karate right there.
• I'm really aggravated that Yahoo! Sports used my "Is Cain Able?" line before I could get it up. That kind of witty Biblical analogy is this blog's bread and butter. Dammit.
• Ben Rothwell: the man, the myth, the buffet killer.
• I don't know who's going to win between Gleison Tibau and Josh Neer, but one thing is for sure: somehow, some way, Neer is going to wind up pissed off.
• Spencer "the King" Fisher is going to out-point Joe Stevenson, but the California State Athletic Commission will change the result to a "no contest" when they find out that Fisher is not, in fact, a king.
• Anthony Johnson by pure, unadulterated blackness.

Affliction to Defy Odds by Having Second Show

Despite spending a quadrillion dollars on their debut event, upstart MMA promotion Affliction is moving full speed ahead on a second show. Scheduled for October 11th at the palacial Taj Mahal in India, "Day of Reckoning" will feature Andre Arlovski versus Josh Barnett, Ben Rothwell versus Pedro Rizzo, Paul Buentello versus Roy Nelson, and match-ups between any other fighters willing to accept ten times what the UFC pays. Said Affliction head seamstress Tom Atencio: "I stole Donald Trump's credit card. Can you believe there's no credit limit on this thing? I just bought a freakin' island, man. An island!"

Observations from My Couch: Affliction "Banned"

- Matt Lindland edged out Brazilian newcomer Fabio "Negao" Nascimento for the unanimous decision win after a grueling three-round fight, which served to remind fans yet again that the "Law" is boring as hell. Boring. As. Hell. - Megadeth? Really? - Antonio Rogerio Nogueira, Mike Pyle, Babalu, Mark Hominick and Vitor Belfort all scored victories by various means. According to the promoter, they will all fight champ Fedor Emelianenko simultaneously at the next event. Pyle and Hominick are even allowed to bring guns. - Megadeth? Seriously? - Josh Barnett's KO of Pedro Rizzo was a thing of beauty, and avenged Barnett's 2001 loss to the Brazilian slugger. Rizzo now must return Barnett's collection of Robotech: "The Macross Saga" DVDs and life-size Gundam replica. - Andre Arlovski crushed Ben Rothwell's soul. That's it. Nothing more needs to be said. - Megadeth? Really? This isn't some sort of joke? - Fedor's bout with Tim Sylvia lasted only 36 seconds. Why so quick? Fedor wanted to get back home so he could watch UFC Fight Night 14 on DVR.