Observations From My Couch: UFC 103 "Bye-Bye CroCop"

• After the beating suffered at the hands of Vitor Belfort, Rich Franklin must really be hating Brazilians right now.
• After the beating suffered at the hands (and knees) of Junior dos Santos, Mirko CroCop must really be hating that he can't do steroids for his US fights.
• After the beating suffered at the hands of Paul Daley, Martin Kampmann must really be hating that no one at Xtreme Couture taught him how to do takedowns.
• After the beating suffered at the hands of Josh Koscheck, Frank Trigg must really be hating the fact that he's gotten old.
• Holy crap did Hermes Franca look out of shape and untrained.
• After the beating suffered at the hands of Efrain Escudero, Cole Miller must really be hating all that time spent practicing jiu-jitsu instead of boxing.
• After that beating suffered at the hands of Tomasz Drwal, Drew McFedries must really be hating the Polish lack of vowels in their names.
• Jim Miller's jiu-jitsu is so good, he doesn't even have to touch you to dislocate your shoulder with a kimura.

Predictions for UFC 103: "Come On, CroCop, Don't Mess This Up"

Just a few scant days after UFC Fight Night 19 and the TUF 10 premiere comes UFC 103, a pay-per-view extravaganza featuring no title bouts and no match-ups of any real consequence. Wahoo! Fighting at a catch-weight of 195 are Vitor Belfort and Rich Franklin, because 195 pounds is cool and hip and all the kids are doing it, while Mirk CroCop returns to hopefully not get clobbered. So, predictions!

• The last seven fights Tyson Griffin has taken part in have ended via decision, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's going to defeat jiu-jitsu black belt Hermes Franca by... Falcon punch!
• Josh Koscheck and Frank Trigg are two solid wrestlers who like to throw punches and get knocked out. Look for a double-KO in this one.
• Martin Kampmann is Danish, which means when you bite into him you get a mouthful of frosting and some raisins. Brit striker Paul Daley hates raisins.
• CroCop is going to TKO the less-experienced Junior dos Santos, which sets up a nice revenge match for a future UFC between the Croatian and Senior dos Santos.
• Belfort is going to hit Franklin so hard, Franklin will no longer be qualified to teach high school arithmetic - only gym or special education.

Vitor Belfort's Worm Excited at Prospect of Returning to UFC

When rumors circulated last week of Vitor Belfort's possible return to the UFC to face middleweight champ Anderson Silva, fans voiced their excitement over the chance of seeing the prodigal son with the crowd-pleasing flurry in the Octagon once more. But none are more excited than Belfort's worm, which has resided in his intestines since his 1997 loss to Randy Couture and has provided the Brazilian with excuses for nearly every MMA loss. "Oh yeah, it's going to be great," said the worm, who sapped Belfort of his energy against Couture and managed to fracture Belfort's hand against Kazushi Sakuraba. "The UFC is without question the premiere organization out there and they treat us right. It's like coming home." As Belfort is still under contract with Affliction, it's unclear if Dana White has actually made an offer or if it's all just speculation. But one thing is sure: Belfort and his worm will be ready to fight, lose and make excuses when the time comes.

Observations From My Couch: Affliction's "Day of Clobbering"

• Bobby Green really, really, really hates nuts. Like, really.
• Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou. Living proof that judo's submission game has only a third of the calories of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, yet with just as much flavor.
• Vitor Belfort didn't just knock Matt Lindland the heck out, he knocked Lindland back into infanthood. For a while there I thought the ringside physicians were going to have to change "The Law's" diaper and give him a pacifier.
• Gilbert Yvel proved he sure could take a beating. Josh Barnett proved he sure could dish one out.
• There are other more spectacular ways Andrei Arlovski could have lost to Fedor. I cannot, however, think of a single one of them.

TUF 8 Analysis: Episode 3

Last night was the third episode of the TUF 8 season, which, based on what we've seen thus far, is a season that will entail a lot of action, coach Nogueira speaking and us not understanding him, and enough drunken antics to make even the most hardened alcoholic say, "Jeez, guys, chill out."

• All your booze belong to Junie Browning. All your stupidity, too.
• Al "Stankie" returns! Few may remember a non-English-speaking Vitor Belfort crying out "Stankie? Stankie?" after he won UFC 12. Ah, the good old days.
• Coach Nogueira thinks some of his guys should open a restaurant based on their cooking skills. In the extra footage that will be available on the TUF 8 DVD, coach Mir takes Krzysztof Soszynski aside and says that, based on his wrapping skills, he should work for UPS.
• Ryan Bader and Tom Lawlor made for a good fight. Seriously. They came to throw down.

Observations from My Couch: Affliction "Banned"

- Matt Lindland edged out Brazilian newcomer Fabio "Negao" Nascimento for the unanimous decision win after a grueling three-round fight, which served to remind fans yet again that the "Law" is boring as hell. Boring. As. Hell. - Megadeth? Really? - Antonio Rogerio Nogueira, Mike Pyle, Babalu, Mark Hominick and Vitor Belfort all scored victories by various means. According to the promoter, they will all fight champ Fedor Emelianenko simultaneously at the next event. Pyle and Hominick are even allowed to bring guns. - Megadeth? Seriously? - Josh Barnett's KO of Pedro Rizzo was a thing of beauty, and avenged Barnett's 2001 loss to the Brazilian slugger. Rizzo now must return Barnett's collection of Robotech: "The Macross Saga" DVDs and life-size Gundam replica. - Andre Arlovski crushed Ben Rothwell's soul. That's it. Nothing more needs to be said. - Megadeth? Really? This isn't some sort of joke? - Fedor's bout with Tim Sylvia lasted only 36 seconds. Why so quick? Fedor wanted to get back home so he could watch UFC Fight Night 14 on DVR.