Monday, June 9, 2008

Overweight Alves Strikes Blow for Fat People Everywhere

Corpulent Brazilian Thiago Alves defeated welterweight superstar Matt Hughes via TKO at Saturday's UFC 85 in London - a win made all the more impressive by that fact that Alves failed to make the 170-pound weight limit. Utilizing his paunch and an effective sprawl to counter Hughes' takedowns, Alves established dominance early, and with his flab and striking had his opponent on the ropes in the second round. Says Humphrey Gordo of the National Fatty Association, "We're very proud of Thiago. Not only did he defeat one of the legends of the sport, he did so in the cage and not at the buffet. *Chewing sounds* Say, are you going to eat those french fries?"