Wednesday, June 2, 2010

MMA Journalist Tackles the Headlines

So much news, so little time to read it all.  But fear not, for MMA Journalist is here to chew it, swallow it and barf it up onto your monitor for your viewing pleasure.

    • Dana White claims independent online rankings are influenced by payoffs – Yes, guilty as charged.  However, this is actually different than when White used to pay journalists to cover the UFC (including yours truly), because this is fictional. 
    • Criminal mastermind Lee Murray sentenced to ten years in a Moroccan jail for 2005 British bank heist – Oh noes!  But he was slated to face the winner of Anderson Silva/Chael Sonnen at UFC 119.  Now what’s Joe Silva going to do?
    • Affliction sues M-1 Global alleging that they were a sham of a promotion and never produced any T-shirts worth a damn – No, wait…
    • MMA fighter eats hallucinogenic mushrooms and literally tears buddy’s heart out – The MMA fighter thing is relevant.  Seriously.  Because if the guy was a plumber, he would’ve torn out his friend’s colon, and if he were a dietician he would’ve removed the man’s stomach.
    • Tito Ortiz’s neck is at 40% functionality – I don’t know what’s sadder: the fact that Chuck Liddell is so punch drunk that a strong gust of wind can knock him out, or the fact that when Ortiz steps into the cage nowadays he’s got a cracked skull, injured back, torn ACL, ruptured spleen, dislocated spine and broken arm.
    • Quinton Jackson does not like homosexuals – Oh but them homos, they loves them some Rampage.