Monday, November 17, 2008
MMA Journalist has just learned that Dallas Mavericks owner and HDNet Fights founder Mark Cuban has been charged with insider trading by the Securities Exchange Commission. The allegations stem from his sale of Xyience stock, a sale which immediately preceded the supplement company's crash and burn. Cuban is best known to MMA fans as the man who promised to put together the dream bout between Fedor Emelianenko and Randy Couture - a match-up that is now in jeopardy thanks to these legal developments. If convicted, Cuban could face two years in the TUF house, drinking urine and splooging on sushi.
Hot on the heels of Brock Lesnar's dramatic UFC 91 TKO victory over Randy Couture comes news that the freshly-minted champ has failed his post-fight drug screening, with the 275-pound former WWE star testing positive for gamma rays. "According to state guidelines, a fighter is tested for gamma rays, cosmic rays, radioactive spider venom, and midi-chlorians," says Nevada State Athletic Commission Maestro Keith Kizer. "Lesnar's urinalysis revealed that he has an exceedingly high-level of gamma rays in him. That's a clear violation." No word yet on what this may mean for belt, but the new champ issued this statement: "Grrrr. Lesnar smash."
- Sometimes the UFC rewards a fighter for all his hard work. On Saturday night, Gabriel Gonzaga's reward was tomato can Josh Hendricks.
- I don't know what was scarier: Dustin Hazelett's flawless jiu-jitsu transitions, or his Amish "Wrath of an Angry Old Testament God" beard.
- Jeremy Stephens hit Rafael dos Anjos so hard, he changed Rafael's last name to "uno Anjos".
- Kenny Florian's fight with Joe Stevenson wasn't so much a fight as it was a rape. In fact, in his post-bout medical screening, the Nevada State Athletic Commission had Stevenson take a pregnancy test.
- Brock Lesnar defeated Randy Couture. A WWE wrestler is now the UFC Heavyweight Champ. Excuse me while I go cry in my morning oatmeal.