Rampage Pleads Not Guilty, Plans to Use Chewbacca Defense

Quinton "Rampage" Jackson pleaded not guilty to the two felony and three misdemeanor charges filed against him by the Orange County District Attorney yesterday, and his lawyer hinted at the former UFC light-heavyweight champ's possible defense strategy. "We're going to use the 'Chewbacca Defense'," said Robert Orenthal, Esq. outside the Santa Ana, California courthouse after the proceedings. "I mean, Mr. Jackson is very Wookie-like and he's never been to Endor. And that has absolutely nothing to do with anything in the case - so it just might work."

Couture to Waitress: "Maybe I Will Have the Scrambled Eggs"

This just in: heavyweight champ and erstwhile UFC star Randy Couture is in talks with the waitress at a local Denny's over the possibility of ordering scrambled eggs. As most may recall, Couture walked away from his last scrambled eggs breakfast, saying, "This isn't the dish for me. I'd rather have oatmeal." Multiple sources close to the fighter, speaking exclusively to MMA Journalist, said today that Couture is indeed willing to try scrambled eggs once more, perhaps even before the end of the year. However, Couture himself could not be reached for comment, and it's unknown if the waitress at Denny's is even considering the option at this point.

Underground Profile: Josh Candon

At the last Underground Combat League show, New Generation Karate 172-pounder Josh Candon made short work of his opponent thanks to a blazing left hook and a smooth transition into a rear naked choke. But really, that's just par for the course for the former Marine Corp hand-to-hand combat instructor, who's amassed a spotless 4-0 record in his time in the UCL. "New Generation is a Goju Karate school but they have a fight team that's an MMA fight team," says the 29-year-old warrior of his training. "We really do bang on each other good."

Brett Rogers Struggles to Remain Relevant

Brett Rogers, who was passed over as an opponent for Kimbo Slice for EliteXC's October 4th event, sent a tear-stained letter to http://fiveouncesofpain.com/ yesterday blasting Slice and Ken Shamrock (who Rogers alleges took his slot on the prime time CBS fight show). An excerpt from the letter reads: "Wah! Wah! *Sniff-sniff* Boo-hoo! Wah! He ain't street! Wah! *Sniffle* Wah!" Kudos to Rogers for remaining relevant both in and out of the cage.

Trainer Confirms Fighter is Preparing for Next Fight

This week a trainer confirmed that his fighter is indeed preparing for his next fight, despite neither trainer nor fighter knowing the identity of the opponent. "We're not totally sure who it's going to be," said the trainer. "But you know how this business is. When the big show says fight, you have to go out there and give it your all." Speaking from his gym, the trainer mentioned the possibility that the rematch fans have been clamoring for would be next - but he was quick to reiterate that he really didn't know for sure. "Seriously, man, I don't know."

Rampage Formally Charged for Rampage

Former UFC champ Quinton "Rampage" Jackson was formally charged by the Orange County Dristrict Attorney for his July 15th car chase yesterday. In the July 15th incident, Jackson allegedly drove on a sidewalk in Costa Mesa, fled from police, and damaged other motor vehicles. The charges are as follows: one felony count of "sodomy by car", one felony count of "unlawful use of Xyience", two misdemeanor counts of "failing to make TUF 7 interesting", and one misdemeanor count of "losing to Forrest Griffin". If convicted, Jackson could face up to three years on the UFC's undercard.

Wanted: Someone Stupid

Are you stupid, willing to fight for free, and ready to get toyed with and tapped out like a fool? Tuff-N-Uff, a Las Vegas-based amateur MMA promotion, is on the hunt for a light-heavyweight opponent for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt Robert Drysdale (yes, the same Robert Drysdale who won the Abu Dhabi World Championships absolute division last year and who teaches grappling at Xtreme Couture). The event is slated for October 17th. For those unwilling to face one of the best submission specialists in the world, there are other options. Former heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson is also looking to make his amateur MMA debut at the event, as are Olympic Judo gold medalist Kosei Inoue and Olympic Greco-Roman wrestling gold medalist Aslanbek Khushtov. Again, anyone willing to face these world-class athletes in an unpaid amateur MMA bout should contact Tuff-N-Uff immediately.

Drunk on Lies and Deceit, Dana White Blasts EliteXC's Kimbo/Ken Shamrock Match-Up

Spewing forth vitriol and words unkind, UFC dictator-for-life Dana White unleashed a profanity-laced tirade of epic proportions in response to the announced match-up between Kimbo Slice and Ken Shamrock for EliteXC's upcoming October 4th show on CBS. Claiming the bout would be the worst thing possible for "this *&^#%^@ sport I made", White attacked the pairing and called it irresponsible matchmaking at its finest. "Ken Shamrock does not belong on primetime television!" said White. "He belongs in the Octagon, fighting Tito Ortiz again! And again! And again!" In addition to the Slice/Shamrock fight, welterweight champ Jake Shields will defend his title against Paul Daley, female superstar Gina Carano will face Kelly Kobald-Gavin, and Benji Radach will square off against Murilo "Ninja" Rua.

Wherefore Art Thou, Josh Rhodes?

In June of 2007, Rhodes, a light-heavyweight with dynamite in his fists, stepped into the cage at CFFC 5 in Atlantic City and battered former TUF competitor Noah Inhofer senseless. This wasn't really anything out of the ordinary for Rhodes, nor was it a shock to East Coasters who'd been watching him wreck opponents left and right since his Reality Fighting debut two years prior. The kid was just a badass, plain and simple. But over a year has passed since that CFFC 5 bout and the college student has purportedly been hitting the books in lieu of the focus mitts - which is not just a loss to fight fans, but a loss to promotions looking to add depth to their 205-pound divisions. With a TKO win over Wayne Cole and KO victory over Lamont Lister, one can't help but wonder how the slugger would do when EliteXC star Rafael "Feijao" Cavalcante starts throwing down, or when Strikeforce champ Bobby Southworth turns up the heat. Wherefore art thou, Josh Rhodes? We want to find out.

What The Hell Are You Thinking?

Do you have any questions or comments for MMA Journalist? Send an email to "mma_journalist@yahoo.com" and a member of our hard-working staff will read it and possibly respond. Or not. Maybe we'll all just laugh at you.

Wagnney Fabiano to Join WEC's Ranks of Elite Rodentia

Wagnney Fabiano, the IFL's 145-pound title holder, has signed on with the WEC. Fabiano is a South American nutria (think: relative of the muskrat but without the flat tail) and a dominant Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu specialist with knockout hands, and he joins the likes of champion hamster Urijah Faber and top-ranked gerbil Jens Pulver as one of the promotion's elite rodentia competitors. Said Fabiano on the move: "I am thrilled, man. Say, do you have any reeds, cattails or other semi-aquatic vegetation? I love that stuff."

Thanks to the IFL, You Can Give a Crap About Sengoku 4

The IFL is dead and gone but its legacy lives on. Case in point: 155-pound champ Ryan Schultz, who will be taking part in the Sengoku 4 lightweight tournament in Japan tonight. "Senwhat" you say? Sengoku, one of the promotions that has arisen to fill the void Pride's demise left behind - and a promotion stocked with so many foreign fighters, the average US MMA fan would likely have no idea who to root for. Gosh, who's going to win in the bout between Kazunori Yokota and Bojan Kosednar? Who's going to come out on top in Eiji Mitsuoka vs. Rodrigo Damm? Who cares! It's all about Team Quest fighter Schultz, a recognizable name on the Sengoku roster thanks to the IFL.

Ali J Shaw to KJ Noons: "Yous is Scared"

Jared "Ali J" Shaw threw down the gauntlet at KJ Noons this week, blasting the EliteXC champ for "bein' a punanni" and failing to accept a proposed rematch against Nick Diaz on their October 4th CBS show. Wearing amber-hued goggles, a bright yellow tracksuit and oversized diamond-encrusted rings shaped like dollar signs, the younger Shaw declared Noons a "batty boy", alleging that the bout was being ducked. "'e's da champ so he needs to ruk da wickedest. We evun offered im wicked mula. But e's scared. Yous ear me, KJ Noons? Yous is scared." No word yet on a response from the Noons camp, or even if anyone on Noons' end could understand Ali J's accusations.

Underground Profile: Shawn Obasi

In December of 2004, a nightclub bouncer named Shawn Obasi stepped into the ring at NYC's Underground Combat League weilding heavy hands and crowd-pleasing intensity. But those attributes were all he had, and the 250-pound Grados Wing Chun representative lost via TKO after nearly seven minutes of fevered scrapping. Fast-forward to the present, where, with grappling knowledge courtesy of Alliance Jiu-Jitsu in Manhattan, the Nigerian-born Bronx native has put himself back on the winning track - first by pounding out one BJJ stylist and then tapping another with a kimura. Obasi is now kicking ass. "I definitely had to focus on my martial arts training and learn all aspects of fighting," he says. "Not just stand-up but groundfighting as well. Before that first fight I had no idea who the Gracies were and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and submission wrestling - really, any other kind of fighting other than what I did." What looms on the horizon for the up-and-coming heavyweight eager to turn pro? "My goal in mixed martial arts is to be number one," says Obasi. "My goal now is to win."

Scientists Disprove Bigfoot Myth

Scientists in California have conclusively proved that Antonio "Bigfoot" Silva is not the EliteXC heavyweight champion. Thanks to measurements of his footprint as well as a urinalysis, it's been determined that the behemoth who TKO'd Justin Eilers at EliteXC's July 26th show is not really a Yeti, Abominable Snowman or other mythical beast but is in fact just some big dude who takes steroids. "He's a fake," said Dr. Walter Grandy of the California Sasquatch Foundation. "At this time, we cannot consider him a Bigfoot nor an EliteXC champ."

A Piece of MMA History: King of the Cage

Sure, King of the Cage is still around. But the incarnation churning out semi-regional shows now is but a shadow of the 2000-2003 version that, at the time, was considered the number two MMA event in the country. Back then, KOTC was a legitimate stepping stone to the UFC and Pride, with stars like Ricco Rodriguez, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, Diego Sanchez and more all paying their dues in the West Coast promotion's cage. Sadly, thanks to some serious product dilution over the span of 120+ shows, winning a belt in the promotion doesn't mean nearly as much as it used to - which is a shame. When all fans had was six UFCs a year plus a few IFCs and Extreme Challenges here and there, KOTC was where it was at.

EliteXC Musical Chairs

The music has stopped for EliteXC's musical chairs, with welterweight champ Jake Shields and challenger Paul Daley finding seats for the October 4th CBS show alongside Gina Carano vs. Kelly Kobold-Gavin and Kimbo Slice vs. Tomato Can. Where does that leave newcomer Lyman Good, who was supposed to fight Daley on the cancelled September 20th card? According to the tea leaves in MMA Journalist's morning cup of caffeine, Good could face either UFC/WEC veteran John Alessio or an enraged panda bear on EliteXC's November 8th Showtime event.

Exclusive: Foosball Table Not Happy with Upcoming TUF 8 Season

The eighth season of "The Ultimate Fighter" is nearly upon us, and it brings with it all the usual pre-show hype and promises of excitement. However, not everyone is happy with this upcoming edition of the hit reality TV series. Last season, the TUF house's foosball table was dumped into the pool during an episode of drunken mayhem; MMA Journalist caught up with that foosball table to get its thoughts on the new season. MMA Journalist: How you doing? Foosball Table: I'm doing good. MMA Journalist: You've been a permanent fixture in the TUF house for a while now and you've seen things from a very different perspective than those watching at home. What are your thoughts on this season? Foosball Table: I think it sucked. Not because of anything to do with the fights or the drama or whatever, but because I'm sick of being in constant fear for my life. MMA Journalist: Fear for your life? Foosball Table: Yeah. You have no idea what it's like to be a piece of furniture in that house cooped up with those guys - very physical guys who at any moment could snap and turn around and smash you. That's no way to live, man. MMA Journalist: But I thought Dana White said that whoever trashes the house this season would have to pay for the damages? Didn't that make things safer for you? Foosball Table: Um, not so much. I mean, regardless of who's footing the bill, the producers are still stocking the place with liquor and it's still always my ass on the line once the booze starts flowing. Did you know Forrest Griffin threw up in me during the filming of season five? The dude wasn't even staying at the house! Did you know Nate Diaz tried to smoke me? And I'm not even going to tell you what Patrick Cote did to my goalie! MMA Journalist: Wow. Sounds rough. Foosball Table: 'Rough' is an understatement. MMA Journalist: Well, thanks for your time. Foosball Table: No problem.

Dear EliteXC: Please Don't Die

Dear EliteXC: Please don't die. When I heard that you'd cancelled your September 20th Showtime event, and that you bailed on a Cage Rage Contenders in the UK, my heart sank. You were the first promotion to make it to network television. You got people everywhere talking about Kimbo Slice and Gina Carano and, more importantly, MMA in general. You gave athletes like Robbie Lawler, Scott Smith, Jake Shields, Nick Thompson and others a chance to let the world know that they're top-tier fighters. And last but not least, you gave us an alternative to the UFC's brand of pugilistic product. Look, I know profitability seems elusive, and that the crowded MMA market can at times be cutthroat and resource-draining. But Rome wasn't built in a day. Just hang in there. When clothing stores start stocking EliteXC T-shirts and CBS and Showtime renew their contracts in far more favorable terms, it will all pay off in the end.

Obligatory Brock Lesnar Post

At some point the UFC stopped being about the best mixed martial artists in the world and started being about who sells tickets and pay-per-views. Case in point: Brock Lesnar, an inexplicable media magnet with legions of fans and a fraction of the skill top dogs Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Frank Mir possess. Dana White has wasted no opportunity to blast EliteXC for their promoting of streetfighter Kimbo Slice, but what's the UFC's excuse for pushing Lesnar? The UFC's entire anemic heavyweight division rests squarely on the shoulders of a chiseled former pro-wrestler with a tattoo of a dingling on his chest. Folks, he ain't worthy.

Affliction to Defy Odds by Having Second Show

Despite spending a quadrillion dollars on their debut event, upstart MMA promotion Affliction is moving full speed ahead on a second show. Scheduled for October 11th at the palacial Taj Mahal in India, "Day of Reckoning" will feature Andre Arlovski versus Josh Barnett, Ben Rothwell versus Pedro Rizzo, Paul Buentello versus Roy Nelson, and match-ups between any other fighters willing to accept ten times what the UFC pays. Said Affliction head seamstress Tom Atencio: "I stole Donald Trump's credit card. Can you believe there's no credit limit on this thing? I just bought a freakin' island, man. An island!"

Why Lyman Good Will Kick Paul Daley's Ass

Lyman Good is an undefeated IFL vet from the Northeast. Paul Daley is the best welterweight the UK has to offer. And when the two meet on September 20th at EliteXC's Albuquerque, New Mexico event, Good is going to kick Daley's ass big time. With concise striking, top-level grappling and unparalleled conditioning, Good has all the tools he needs to dispose of the Brit, and the Cage Rage star - known for his heavy hands but tepid ground game - will be going home with another loss on his 26-bout fight record for sure. Very few train as hard as Good, even fewer have his training resources (including an insanely deep pool of sparring partners), and the Team Tiger Schulmann representative has faced some of the best the Garden State has to offer. Want to bet on a sure thing? Put your money on Good for the unanimous decision win.

Brock Lesnar Blazes Trail for Other MMA-Curious Athletes

Former pro-wrestler Brock Lesnar racked up his first win in the Octagon at Saturday night's UFC 87, and Lesnar's three-round dismantling of veteran Heath Herring has opened the door for other MMA-curious athletes to try their hand at sport. MMA Journalist has obtained a copy of the Zuffa internal memo extolling the virtues of cross-sport pollination. The memo goes on to order matchmakers to pursue high-level competitors from other athletic endeavours, and it lists potential candidates. Names on the list include: - PGA Tour winner and all-around golfing stud Phil Mickelson. It is believed that Mickelson would debut as a middleweight, and after defeating a scrub, would face Anderson Silva for the belt. - Boston Red Sox starting pitcher Curt Schilling. Because UFC president Dana White is a fellow Beantowner, Schilling will be given an immediate title shot against light-heavyweight champ Forrest Griffin. - NHL player and Detroit Red Wing goaltender Ty Conklin. Conklin will cut to welterweight, where he'll face Georges St. Pierre in a non-title bout after the two serve as opposing coaches on the ninth season of "The Ultimate Fighter". - Professional ten-pin bowler Wes "Big Nasty" Malott. Malott will enter the deep pool of talent in the UFC's heavyweight division, and after Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, Frank Mir and maybe one or two other legitimate fighters are lured away by Affliction, Malott will face Lesnar for the belt.

Observations from My Couch: WEC 35

-Microscopic East Coast dude defeated microscopic West Coast dude. Does the WEC care that I don't know who these people are? Probably not. -Jamie Varner beat Marcus Hicks senseless in the first defense of his lightweight crown. Varner retains his title as "the best 155-pounder out there not good enough for the UFC". -Steve Cantwell's versatile striking is more powerful than Brian Stann, the Marine Corps, the United States, freedom, liberty and apple pie combined. Cantwell is now the WEC's light-heavyweight champ. Does this mean Communism has prevailed? -Josh Grispi and Brock Larson. Youch. Nice ones, guys. -Welterweight champ Carlos Condit defeated Hiromitsu Miura after a prolonged and epic battle that lasted into the fourth round. Condit managed this feat despite having really sucky judo skills.