Friday, November 7, 2008

Showtime to Sell EliteXC Fighters as Slaves

The cable network Showtime, which held significant financial interests in EliteXC at the time of the promotion's collapse, announced this week that it was auctioning off whatever EliteXC assets are available to repay the failed company's debt - and much to the chagrin of Robbie Lawler, Jake Shields and civil rights lawyers alike, those assets will include EliteXC's stable of contracted fighters. "I just got a call from Matt Hughes," said Monte Cox, who manages middleweight champ Lawler. "He was hysterical. Apparently they took Robbie away in shackles. Hey, I'm no legal expert, but this is clearly a violation of the Constitution's Thirteenth Amendment!" Added Shields' manager Cesar Gracie: "Yeah man. They already sold Jake to some Arab sheik. I think he's in the Middle East now waving a giant palm frond as the sultan's personal fan." It's unclear at this time if Showtime's actions will withstand a legal challenge, but as of this writing, other EliteXC fighters have gone into hiding. Stay tuned for more.

Fear and Loathing in Jupiter, Florida

UFC lightweight Hermes Franca was arrested yesterday in Jupiter, Florida for driving under the influence, capping off an LSD-fueled road trip involving a Mexican attorney and a typewriter inscribed with the words "Off the Pigs". According to the police report, Franca was shouting "I am the Lizard King! I am the Lizard King!" from his convertible the "Red Shark" when officers pulled him over, and he was taken into custody and booked at the Palm Beach County Jail. He was later released on his own recognizance.