Friday, May 28, 2010


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Predictions for UFC 114: "Ultimate Race War"

It’s time once again for an installment of the UFC, everyone’s favorite MMA promotion where the races of man can come together as one and unite under the penumbra of peace and combat.  For Saturday night’s event, we have former light-heavyweight champs Rashad Evans and Quinton “Rampage” Jackson squaring off in a bout devoid of hate, devoid of color –HOLY “BLACK ON BLACK CRIME” WHAT? "I'M GONNA BEAT HIS BLACK ASS" WHAT?  Sweet Lord of Public Enemy and NWA, someone’s been laying the racial stuff on a bit thick.  Well, anyway, predictions.

    • Okay, so we’ve learned that Dan Lauzon has been kicked off his team because he doesn’t like to train like a pro fighter.  Sucks for him, but at the end of the day that’s great for Efrain Escudero, who’s going to catch this softball he’s being tossed and TKO it.
    • Dong Hyun Kim by Dongbar!
    • Dongbar!
    • Brit John Hathaway is about to learn the hard way that the gulf between the level of talent in the UFC’s UK roster and the UFC’s regular pay-per-view roster is about the size of the Grand Canyon.  Diego Sanchez by lightning bolt.
    • Jason Brilz lost to Eliot Marshall last year, then defeated Eric Shafer and must now fight Lil’ Nog.  Is it me or is Lil’ Nog being tossed a softball, too?  The Brazilian by anything he wants.
    • Todd Duffee vs. Mike Russow?  Someone please tell me why I should care.
    • Dan Miller via triangle choke, and Michael Bisping becomes the first TUF winner to be relegated to working as Lorenzo Fertitta’s personal butler.
    • Rampage against Rashad Evans?  My money is on the black guy.
    • Dongbar!

Former Northeast Contender Busted for $1 Million in Pot - Let the Jokes Begin!

Travis Roesler, a former Northeast MMA fighter and contender in the light-heavyweight division, was arrested this week when Philadelphia police found over a million dollars worth of marijuana in his training studio.  A million bucks worth of weed?  Seriously?  Oh man, the jokes are practically writing themselves…

    • I think it goes without saying that Roesler is a big fan of Joe Rogan and Eddie Bravo.
    • In his last fight back in 2006, Roesler fought John Doyle for the Combat in the Cage belt and lost a razor-thin split decision.  It’s possible he took that loss pretty hard and needed some help coping.  However, as that loss was via split decision, I can’t help but wonder what Roesler would’ve needed if he’d lost via submission or knockout.  Two million in Ecstasy?  Five hundred grand in crystal meth?
    • Team Cannabis never die!
    • When he was active, Roesler had one of the best guards in his weight class, and he was always calm and relaxed when on the bottom.  Well, this certainly explains why he was so calm and relaxed.
    • Referee: “Fighters, are you ready?  Then fight!”  Roesler: “Dude, wait… um, what?”
    • Roesler’s wanted to return to the cage for years.  Unfortunately, every time he takes a pre-fight urine screening the inspector handling his sample disappears, and only reappears to giggle uncontrollably and hunt for food to satisfy his munchies.
    • Team Cannabis… wait… what?