*Editor’s note: Mitch the Intern is an NYU undergrad and a fan of MMA. Also, he’s on drugs. Just accept that.*
News headlines on MMA Junkie, MMA Weekly, Sherdog, Bloody Elbow – everywhere! But what do they all mean? Fear not, because your pal Mitch has gathered them all together in one place and deciphered them just for you.
- “Georges St. Pierre/Dan Hardy Primetime Special Snags One Million Viewers” – One million people tuned in to watch, of which 900,000 were gay men out for a glimpse of the Canadian’s abs. The other 100,000? A lot of male MMA fans’ girlfriends.
- “Hardy Says GSP Sucks or Something” – Really, Dan? This is how you want to spend your 15 minutes?
- “WEC Honcho Reed Harris to Jens Pulver: ‘Please, No More Fighting. I Can’t Stand the Crying’” – This one is self-explanatory.
- “Josh Barnett to Face Cole Escovedo at DREAM 13” – A heavyweight versus a featherweight? Japan. Is. Awesome!
- “Shine Fights Announces Match-Up No One Cares About” – Nick Thompson against Eduardo Pamplona? I can’t hardly wait! Oh, hold on. I think I can hardly wait. Yeah, I can.
- “Bellator Signs Everyone Not in the UFC or Strikeforce” – Literally. Everyone.
- “The Ultimate Fighter – Season 12 Tryouts Set for Suckville, in No Watch, USA” – Unless Kimbo is a guest coach, there is absolutely no reason to do anything but DVR this season and watch it on fast-forward. No reason.
- “Fedor On Ice Until M-1 Global Renegotiates Contract with Strikeforce” – Because, you know, what’s a contract besides a non-binding agreement that you can renege on whenever you think there’s more money to squeeze out of your business partner?