Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Which Other Pro Wrestlers Could Succeed in MMA?

Former WWE star Brock Lesnar is now the UFC's heavyweight champ. (Breathe, breathe, it'll be okay. It's not the end of the world. Breathe.) In light of this shocking development, MMA Journalist has culled through the rosters of various professional wrestling organizations and compiled a list of who else might find success in the sport of mixed martial arts.
  1. King Stupid, of the World Complete Wrestling Association - A trademarked finishing hold called "Eat My Scepter" is what sets King Stupid apart from the rest, and his royal physique and legion of followers means he'd be in line for a shot at the UFC's heavyweight title (after a tune-up bout against someone along the lines of Josh Hendricks, of course).
  2. The Retard Kid, of the Alabama Wrasslin' Alliance - With a knack for eating folding folding chairs (literally) and drooling on audience members, the Retard Kid would give someone like Bobby Southworth or Renato Sobral fits and make a decent addition to Strikeforce's light-heavyweight division.
  3. Sal Monilla, of the Garden State Goomba League - Sal Monilla's ring entrances involve him tossing out handfuls of cooked pasta and raw chicken. Definitely an Adrenaline middleweight in the making.
  4. The Masked Burrito, of the Idiota Lucha Libre Administracion - No one knows what the Masked Burrito looks like. However, they most certainly know when he's eaten a fair amount of beans and guacamole. The UFC heavyweight division. No question.
  5. Madame Fajina, of the Glamorous Lesbians of Wrestling - A man-hater of epic proportions, Madame Fajina... Hey, wait a second...
  6. Captain Miniscule, of the International Midget Wrestling Organization - The name says it all. And if he wanted to, Captain Miniscule could give WEC champ Mike Brown a run for his money.