Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Mitch the Intern's Predictions for UFC 108: "Ultimate Brock Lesnar! Woo!"

*Editors note: Mitch the Intern is an NYU undergrad whose favorite Saturday night pastime involves chugging two bottles of Robitussin cough syrup and watching the UFC at a local dive bar. Enjoy!*

It's time once again for that annual Octagon bash we've all come to love and expect, that grand affair when the UFC pulls out all the stops and presents their biggest names to celebrate the New Year - and boy is this card a doozy! Heavyweight champ Brock "Drink Coors and Lay On Top of His Wife" Lesnar is set to take on Shane Carwin for what is sure to be a war, while on the undercard the Brazilian master of weird postfight expressions Gabriel Gonzaga faces Junior uno dos tres Santos and lightweights Tyson Griffin and Jim Miller square off. Intrigued? Excited? You should be! So here are some predictions!
  • Shane Carwin is an awesome wrestler and he punches like... like... someone who punches. But Count Brockula has simply got too much intestinal fortitude. No way is Lesnar giving up that belt.
  • Gonzago is either going to win and make a retarded face, or get knocked out and make a retarded face. Guaranteed.
  • Oh my God, I am so glad Rashad Evans vs. Thiago Silva is not the main event. Can you imagine? Lame!
  • Carlos Condit is going to kick. Paul. Daley's. Ass. Believe it.
  • Tyson Griffin has got... uh... er... remember when Joe Rogan talked about his butt? He called it "badonkadonk" or something? Boy did that make me feel uncomfortable.
  • Sean Sherk can really flip those tires. Which is very relevant to MMA competition. You know, because of how often fighters must face tractors in the Octagon.
  • Did you know if you rearrange the letters in Rory Markham's name you get "Hkrya Mrroam"? Isn't that crazy?
  • I think Steve Cantwell probably misses those WEC days.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Save the Date

Gene Fabrikant is organizing a Paul Rosner memorial event called the "Festival of Martial Arts", which will take place on February 28th at Atlantic Oceana in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn.  Rosner was the driving force behind the United States Kickboxing Association and a key player in the growth of amateur MMA; he passed away earlier this year and he is still dearly missed.  The specifics of what will transpire at the event are a bit unclear, although based on the flyer it looks like there should be kickboxing, Muay Thai and grappling.

Monday, December 28, 2009

God to Dana White: "I Warned You Not to Have UFC 108. Now Suffer the Consequences."

In an unusual move, God has issued a statement directly addressing Dana White in regards to this Saturday's much-maligned UFC event - an event that's been plagued by a ton of injuries resulting in countless lineup changes. "I warned you not to have UFC 108," the statement begins. "Now suffer the consequences." As for what those consequences might be, God is remarkably clear. "You wanted a main event between Brock Lesnar and Shane Carwin, and I struck them both down. Now you put forth Rashad Evans and Thiago Silva? A swarm of locusts shall descend upon the TUF House and it shall rain within the MGM Grand Garden Arena for 40 days and 40 nights!" As for the ever-changing opponents for lightweight Jim Miller, God says, "I thought I made myself clear when I smote Tyson Griffin and Sean Sherk, but alas, no. Leprosy and blindness upon the Nevada State Athletic Commission judges!" God goes on to denounce the pairings of Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Cain Velasquez, Anderson Silva and Vitor Belfort, and Gabriel Gonzaga and Junior dos Santos. "You dare put Junior dos Santos in the cage?" says God. "Then I shall give you... Wait, you have Gilbert Yvel in there? Forget it, that's punishment enough." Dana White has yet to reply publicly to God, although according to a source within the UFC, three prized interns may be sacrificed for appeasement.

New Additions to Bellator Roster

Bellator Fighting Championships, which debuted last year on ESPN Deportes and featured four eight-man tournaments stocked with a Latino-centric roster of fighters, has announced a number of new signings for its upcoming season. Sure to make waves in the 145-pound division is the Taco Bell Dog, a feisty chihuahua known for his guard game and knack for slick submissions. Meanwhile, in the welterweight division, Pedro the Man in a Bumble Bee Suit enters the fray to face the likes of Dan Hornbuckle, judoka Jim Wallhead and wrestler Ben Askren, and in the middleweight ranks comes El Diablo, a masked luchador with hopes of dethroning current 185-pound champ Hector Lombard. Said Bellator head honcho (hehe) Senor Bjorn Rebney, "Ariba!"

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Underground Promoter to Open School

Want to learn how to fight to the death? Underground Combat League promoter Peter Storm is opening up an school called MMA University in the South Bronx, and with multiple disciplines taught by a variety of instructors, you too can become a street-certified illicit combat club assassin. For more info, shoot Storm an email at .

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Who the Hell is Anthony Morrison?

Mike Brown is scheduled to return to action at WEC 46 and he's facing Anthony Morrison. Um, who? Anthony "Bad Mutha" Morrison. That's who. Morrison was a heavy-handed amateur with a boxing background knocking opponents out regularly, and when he transitioned to pro MMA he overcame a rocky start to establish himself as one of the Northeast's tougher 155/145 pounders. But 2009 ended up a strong year for the colorful "mini-Rampage", for despite two losses via submission, he picked off veteran studs Kevin Roddy, Tim Troxell and Jeff Lentz, scored himself the Ring of Combat featherweight belt, and - the piece de resistance - wrecked UFC veteran Alvin Robinson. How does Morrison stack up against Brown? Well, Brown was the WEC's 145-pound champ and he does have more experience fighting at the highest levels... But with KO power in his hands and an ever-improving ability to avoid submissions, you can never count Morrison out. Never.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Kung Fu vs. Karate Superbout Cancelled - Why?

The eagerly anticipated kung fu vs. karate superbout slated for Friday night's KAPMMA amateur show in Newark, featuring noted anti-MMA proponent Novell Bell against Sensei Mo, was cancelled at the last minute. The reason: a panoply of New Jersey State Athletic Control Board restrictions on particular techniques and certain katas. According to a commission spokesperson, there are strict rules against "Dim Mak, Eagle Claws, the forms known as 'Monkey Takes the Peach' and 'Serpent Hides in the Cave', and the dreaded Chinese Wuxie Finger. There's also a prohibition against excessive chi, and based on a pre-fight urinalysis, Mr. Bell's chi was off the charts." It's assumed that the Bell/Sensei Mo bout will be rescheduled and moved to a venue in Alabama, where there's no athletic commission to get in the way of the use of the Death Touch.

Observations From My Couch: WEC 45 "Skadoosh!"

    • Scott Jorgensen did a fantastic job, and he’s opened the door for albinos, lepers and sufferers of psoriasis to compete and excel at the highest levels.
    • I’m not going to claim that Rani Yahya sucks at striking.  However, my 2-year-old daughter calls the elderly woman that lives next door “Ya-Ya”, and I seriously doubt that woman could throw a punch.  I’m just saying.
    • Courtney Buck is one scary-looking dude.  I hid behind my couch when he appeared on my television.
    • A Brit pulling off a Peruvian necktie?  What’s next?  An American pulling off the Chinese Wuxi Finger Hold? 
    • Skadoosh!
    • Chris Horodecki was confused and thought it was a footrace.  Anthony Njokuani was confused and thought Horodecki knew how to fight.
    • Donald Cerrone may have won the battle, but OH MY GOD ED RATCLIFF’S NUTS ARE BROKEN!

Observations From My Couch: Strikeforce's "Pure Awesomeness"

    • Mike Whitehead looked like an animal in there.  You know, like an elephant or hippopotamus. 
    • All hail King Mo!
    • Nice job on Jacare’s part for submitting the tough Matt Lindland.  Nice job on Lindland’s part for not trying to claim that he didn’t tap out (note: see Lindland vs. Murilo Bustamante).
    • Not only did Gilbert Melendez and Josh Thomson wage an epic battle, they put a ton of other top fighters in the division to shame.  That was pure awesomeness from start to finish.
    • Scott Smith vs. Cung Le is the reason people watch mixed martial arts.  It’s also the reason why Strikeforce is destined to succeed.

Friday, December 18, 2009

December 2009 Independent World MMA Rankings

December 18, 2009: The December 2009 Independent World MMA Rankings have been released. These rankings are independent of any single MMA media outlet or sanctioning body, and are published on multiple web sites.

In addition to the numerous MMA web sites that publish the Independent World MMA Rankings, you can also access the rankings at any time by going to

Some of the best and most knowledgeable MMA writers from across the MMA media landscape have come together to form one independent voting panel. These voting panel members are, in alphabetical order: Zach Arnold (Fight Opinion); Nicholas Bailey (MMA Ratings); Jared Barnes (Freelance); Jordan Breen (Sherdog); Jim Genia (Full Contact Fighter, MMA Memories, and MMA Journalist Blog); Jesse Holland (MMA Mania); Robert Joyner (Freelance); Todd Martin (CBS Sportsline); Jim Murphy (The Savage Science); Zac Robinson (Sports by the Numbers MMA); Leland Roling (Bloody Elbow); Michael David Smith (AOL Fanhouse); Jonathan Snowden (; Joshua Stein (MMA Opinion); Ivan Trembow (Freelance); and Dave Walsh (Total MMA and Head Kick Legend).

Note: Will Ribeiro is no longer eligible to be ranked, due to the fact that he has not had an MMA fight in over 12 months.

December 2009 Independent World MMA RankingsBallots collected on December 15, 2009

Heavyweight Rankings (206 to 265 lbs.)
1. Fedor Emelianenko (31-1, 1 No Contest)
2. Brock Lesnar (4-1)
3. Frank Mir (13-4)
4. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (32-5-1, 1 No Contest)
5. Shane Carwin (11-0)
6. Brett Rogers (10-1)
7. Alistair Overeem (31-11, 1 No Contest)
8. Junior dos Santos (9-1)
9. Cain Velasquez (7-0)
10. Fabricio Werdum (13-4-1)

Light Heavyweight Rankings (186 to 205 lbs.)
1. Lyoto Machida (16-0)
2. Mauricio "Shogun" Rua (18-4)
3. Rashad Evans (13-1-1)
4. Quinton Jackson (30-7)
5. Anderson Silva (25-4)
6. Gegard Mousasi (27-2-1)
7. Forrest Griffin (17-6)
8. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira (18-3)
9. Dan Henderson (25-7)
10. Thiago Silva (14-1)

Middleweight Rankings (171 to 185 lbs.)
1. Anderson Silva (25-4)
2. Nathan Marquardt (29-8-2)
3. Dan Henderson (25-7)
4. Vitor Belfort (19-8)
5. Demian Maia (11-1)
6. Jake Shields (24-4-1)
7. Chael Sonnen (24-10-1)
8. Yushin Okami (23-5)
9. Robbie Lawler (16-5, 1 No Contest)
10. Jorge Santiago (21-8)

Welterweight Rankings (156 to 170 lbs.)
1. Georges St. Pierre (19-2)
2. Jon Fitch (20-3, 1 No Contest)
3. Thiago Alves (16-6)
4. Josh Koscheck (14-4)
5. Dan Hardy (23-6)
6. Matt Hughes (43-7)
7. Paulo Thiago (12-1)
8. Mike Swick (14-3)
9. Carlos Condit (24-5)
10. Marius Zaromskis (13-3)

Lightweight Rankings (146 to 155 lbs.)
1. B.J. Penn (15-5-1)
2. Shinya Aoki (22-4, 1 No Contest)
3. Eddie Alvarez (19-2)
4. Kenny Florian (12-4)
5. Tatsuya Kawajiri (25-5-2)
6. Gray Maynard (8-0, 1 No Contest)
7. Frankie Edgar (11-1)
8. Diego Sanchez (21-3)
9. Joachim Hansen (19-8-1)
10. Mizuto Hirota (12-3-1)

Featherweight Rankings (136 to 145 lbs.)
1. Jose Aldo (16-1)
2. Mike Brown (22-5)
3. Urijah Faber (22-3)
4. Hatsu Hioki (20-4-2)
5. Bibiano Fernandes (7-2)
6. Raphael Assuncao (14-1)
7. "Lion" Takeshi Inoue (17-3)
8. Wagnney Fabiano (12-2)
9. Manny Gamburyan (10-4)
10. Michihiro Omigawa (8-8-1)

Bantamweight Rankings (126 to 135 lbs.)
1. Brian Bowles (8-0)
2. Miguel Torres (37-2)
3. Takeya Mizugaki (12-3-2)
4. Masakatsu Ueda (10-0-2)
5. Dominick Cruz (14-1)
6. Akitoshi Tamura (14-7-2)
7. Joseph Benavidez (10-1)
8. Damacio Page (12-4)
9. Rani Yahya (15-4)
10. Manny Tapia (10-3-1)

The Independent World MMA Rankings are tabulated on a monthly basis in each of the top seven weight classes of MMA, from heavyweight to bantamweight, with fighters receiving ten points for a first-place vote, nine points for a second-place vote, and so on.

The rankings are based purely on the votes of the members of the voting panel, with nobody's vote counting more than anybody else's vote, and no computerized voting.

The voters are instructed to vote primarily based on fighters' actual accomplishments in the cage/ring (the quality of opposition that they've actually beaten), not based on a broad, subjective perception of which fighters would theoretically win fantasy match-ups.

Inactivity: Fighters who have not fought in the past 12 months are not eligible to be ranked, and will regain their eligibility the next time they fight.

Disciplinary Suspensions: Fighters who are currently serving disciplinary suspensions, or who have been denied a license for drug test or disciplinary reasons, are not eligible to be ranked.

Changing Weight Classes: When a fighter announces that he is leaving one weight class in order to fight in another weight class, the fighter is not eligible to be ranked in the new weight class until he has his first fight in the new weight class.

Catch Weight Fights: When fights are contested at weights that are in between the limits of the various weight classes, they are considered to be in the higher weight class. The weight limits for each weight class are listed at the top of the rankings for each weight class.

Special thanks to Eric Kamander, Zach Arnold, and Joshua Stein for their invaluable help with this project, and special thanks to Garrett Bailey for designing our logo.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Predictions for Strikeforce: "Evolution"

The last Strikeforce installment of the year is scheduled for Saturday on Showtime, and sadly it’s pretty Fedor-deficient.  However, there are some other big names on the card, like Asian Guy Not Fedor and Brazilian Guy Not Fedor, as well as American Guy Not Fedor.  So, predictions!

    • Cung Le, the organization’s former middleweight champ (he gave up the belt because he was too busy making films to fight) is facing Scott Smith.  Smith is great in an iron-chin-knockout-puncher-bring-his-family-into-the-cage type of way, but I feel like Le is just going to act him to death.
    • Josh Thomson may defeat Gilbert Melendez, but he will never defeat Gilbert Melendez’s hair.
    • Matt Lindland can still fight?  After what Vitor Belfort did to him, it’s surprising he can still walk.
    • I wonder if Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza has ever tried the Brazilian berry acai and explored its many health benefits?  Do you think he has?
    • It’s great that Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal can find time out of his busy schedule of ruling his subjects and governing his kingdom, but all it takes is one loss to run afoul of Queen Mo. 

Legalized MMA in NY or Legalized MMA on Long Island: Which Will Come First?

Professional mixed martial arts would be legal in New York right now if not for the legislative issues that plagued the state during the past year, and the bill to make it all happen must start back at square one in the upcoming session, with some projecting MMA's legalization happening anywhere from April to the end of 2010. However, yesterday's ruling from the federal government that the Shinnecock Indians in Southampton are officially a tribe, and therefore not subject to any statewide ban on MMA, could mean events on Long Island within six months. Sure, this same issue arose back in 2006 when a federal court acknowledged the Shinnecock's newfound status, but there were still hurdles to them hosting shows - particularly, their own reluctance (more than anything, the tribe wants to open a casino). But with yesterday's milestone, plus the explosion of MMA events on Indian reservations upstate, they might feel differently about it now.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Monday, December 14, 2009

Upcoming Fight Show to Feature Some Fighting and Some Stuff

An upcoming fight show, scheduled for some cable channel or maybe pay-per-view or not, will feature some fighting and some stuff, according to a press release circulated by the promoter today. Some fighter you might have heard of, but possibly not, will be headlining, squaring off against so-and-so for the Blah-Blah-Blah championship belt. Plus, the undercard is stacked with, uh, whatever. You know. Said the promoter, "Oh yeah, it's going to be awesome. Those guys are killers and, er, they like to bang. So you should totally check it out." Stay tuned to MMA Journalist for more as this story develops.

Check Out Real Fighter Magazine This Month

Check out Real Fighter magazine this month.  There's a decent-sized article on NYC's Underground Combat League by Paul Wachter, and the accompanying photo spread by UCL staple Anil Melwani is so gritty, you might need a tetanus shot after you put the magazine down.

Obvservations From My Couch: UFC 107 "Out In The Streets They Call It Murder"

  • Apparently Paul Buentello needs American Kickboxing Academy for cardio.
  • Of all the fighters in the UFC, Clay Guida loses the best.
  • Dear God, please, no more Mike Pierce.
  • Has no one told Alan Belcher that white guys simply look foolish with cornrows?
  • Frank Julio Fontez Ebenezer "El Jefe" Mir. Ariba!
  • BJ Penn is without a doubt some kind of fighting deity, but I definitely think Gray Maynard, Frankie Edgar and Jim Miller can beat him. However, they have to coordinate it so they all attacking him at once, i.e., Maynard comes in low, Edgar comes in high and Miller blasts him with a shotgun. Otherwise, they're doomed.

Saturday, December 12, 2009


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

Friday, December 11, 2009


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

Liveblog: AFL Part 6

Adam Penberthy of TriState MMA and Darren Goodall of LA Boxing are up. This one is a back-and-forth grappling contest that goes the distance, and Penberthy gets the unanimous decision based on... based on... oh, I don't know. Now it's time for a title fight between Pete Burdge of Pellegrino MMA against Noah Faunce of Combat Academy. Faunce's reach and timing put him ahead, and his knockdown of Burdge in Round 2 only reinforced that fact. Throw in his successful takedowns and top game, and it was clear Faunce was taking the belt home. Last bout of the night and it's Chris Wright of Knoxville Martial Arts against Julio Arce of TSMMA for another championship belt. They both start strong, with Wright showing solid wrestling and Arce attempting a flying triangle. However, Arce takes over completely in Round 2 and 3, unequivocably out-grappling Wright until time runs out. Arce wins the unanimous decision.

Liveblog: AFL Part 5

Brian Natoli of Taurus MMA and Delroy McKoy of Camp Undefeated take to the cage, and once their fight begins Natoli takes charge with crisper striking and smoother grappling. Rinse and repeat for all three rounds, with Natoli winging an overhand right and scoring with leg-kicks and clearly ahead on the scorecards, and McKoy knocking him out with only one second left in the bout. Cilio Ribiero of Gold Team and Justin Incera of Chamber MMA are next at bat. Though a much better puncher and much better grappler, Ribiero keeps butting up against the brick wall that is Incera's wrestling, and it goes to the third round, where Ribiero punches his Incera in the head while Incera is on the ground and gets disqualified.


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

Liveblog: AFL Part 4

James Jenkins of Combat Academy and Wesley Carvalho of Gold Team are up. Jenkins has got heavy and accurate hands, which he uses to drop the Brazilian more than once, and in the third round Jenkins hits Carvalho so hard he spins completely around before returning to Earth. The official time of the KO is :10 of Round 3. Trevor Baney of Serra/Longo is in the cage now taking on LA Boxing's Danny Carbonel. Baney is out-boxing his opponent and mixing in takedowns, and though he's game, Carbonel never finds his groove. Baney takes the decision. It's time for James Funaro of Vamos BJJ vs. Mike Fischetti of TSMMA. This one is bloody, with Fischetti popping Funaro in the nose early and prompting the ref to call in the doctor for a look. It continues, and Funaro tries to get it to the ground, but Fischetti is too skilled to let that happen and he tags Funaro again, this time opening a cut over the UCL vet's eye. That's enough for the ref, and the bout is called. And no lie, it takes the Asylum crew about 10 minutes to clean the cage.


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

Liveblog: AFL Part 3

James Hoffman of Team Vendetta and Mike Riley of Taurus MMA are up. Taurus MMA is WEC fighter Deividas Taurosevicius' school, so of course Riley is no stranger to grappling - and it shows when he remains calm when Hoffman attempts a pair of guillotines in the opening round. Round 2 is more of the same, but Hoffman turns up the heat in Round 3, feeding Riley punches until Riley shoots and winds up in a guillotine from which there's no escaping from. Levar Curry of the NJ National Guard enters the cage to take on James Turner of Combat Acadmey in what will be a batle of the big boys. From the outset Turner is all over Curry, wrestling the hell out of him until the 2:26 second mark, when he submits Curry with a rear naked choke. Renzo Gracie Denville fields another fighter in Alex Bruzzese, who's taking on TSMMA's Abel Ekonomakos. Bruzzese makes no bones about wanted to turn this into a grappling match, a fact reinforced by his constant clinching and Ekonomakos blasting him in the face with short punches whenever there's space. Bruzzese takes the split decision when time runs out, but based on who did more damage and who was more effective, Ekonomakos shouldve won.


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

Liveblog: AFL Part 2

First up is Rob Weiser of Victor's MMA against Dan Arthur of Renzo Gracie Denville. I don't know anything about these two, so I'm just going to make stuff up - like how Weiser is a bounty hunter and Arthur once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Nice, Arthur is coming out to the song from "The Karate Kid". Round 1 has Weiser throwing about 100 1-2 combos and threatening with a kneebar and inverted triangle, but Arthur's superior wrestling has him on top for the most part. Arthur keeps it up in the second round, and eventually snags the textbook armbar. Good showing for the Karate Kid. Next: Rhino Fight Team stud Ken Rivera against TSMMA's Bryan Tapper. Tapper's a member of the new generation of Tiger Schulmann fighter, plucked from the cradle at only a few months old and trained in the combat arts his whole life. Anyway, Rivera comes out strong, firing off leg-kicks and even landing a few jumping side-kicks, while Tapper keeps throwing out his lead hook. Round 2 sees clinching against the cage, Tapper attempting a triangle on the ground and Rivera scoring a knockdown with a flurry. They trade on the feet a little more in the third round, and though Tapper is in it throughout, Rivera is simply quicker with the leather. Rivera takes the unanimous decision.

Liveblog: AFL Part 1

MMA Journalist is cageside for Asylum Fight League's latest installment, which is playing out in the arctic paradise of the Raritan Center in Edison, New Jersey. There are 13 fights scheduled, with two title bouts and representatives hailing from such venerable schools as TSMMA, Team Renzo, Pellegrino MMA, Rhino Fight Team and the Garden State Guido Academy. It should be a good night of action. Celebs present include teen heartthrob Lester Caslow, who recently fought Felipe "I really, really love Ben-Gay" Arantes, the Garv and Frosty the Snowman (who likes to hang out in the Raritan Center and just chill).


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

Predictions for UFC 107: "Ultimate Oh My God BJ Killed Him!"

I don't blame the UFC. After all, they do have contractual obligations to fill and BJ Penn does have to eat. It's just sad, though, that Diego Sanchez - an otherwise tough dude with a ton of skill - is the one being fed to the Hawaiian lightweight champ like a cheap quesadilla. Anyway, Penn vs. Sanchez is headlining UFC 107, and here are some predictions for the event.
  • Why is Mike Pierce in the UFC? Oh yeah, so top-level guys like Jon Fitch can get easy paychecks. Go ahead, Jon, you've earned it.
  • Paul Buentello by Hurricane Hippo Holler.
  • In the Kenny Florian/Clay Guida match-up, one fighter is going to squeak past the other for the split decision. Then they'll promptly be killed by Penn.
  • Win or lose, Cheick Kongo is going to walk around wearing his glasses afterwards and look like that dude who slept with your ex-girlfriend when she did a semester abroad. The bitch.
  • Sanchez is going to harness the energy of a nearby storm and supercharge himself with bolts of lightning and rumbles of thunder.
  • Penn will still kill him.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Local Bouts to Watch This Weekend

This weekend, New Jersey will play host to Asylum Fight League’s latest installment at the Raritan Expo Center, as well as New Breed Fighters’ first foray into the realm of pro MMA bouts at the Resorts Casino in Atlantic City.  Consequently, there are a number of intriguing match-ups between the two cards – a fact that merits a list!  Woot!

    • James Funaro vs. Mike Fischetti: This AFL pairing pits a reformed Underground Fight League competitor against a Tiger Schulmann MMA up-and-comer.  Both are well-rounded and capable of ending fights with submissions or KOs, but the edge in experience definitely goes to BoxFit/Vamos JJ rep Funaro, who’s survived no less than a hundred unsanctioned death matches.
    • Jeff Lentz vs. Bryan Danner: This NBF fight is actually a rematch of an amateur bout that Lentz won by decision.  Both men can strike and grapple, however, despite a recent loss to Anthony Morrison in a ROC featherweight championship contest, Lentz has simply done and accomplished more in the cage.  He should have little trouble getting the “W” out of this one.
    • John Sivori vs. Ariel Sepulveda: Sivori was a hot prospect about five years ago, but he fell completely off the radar, and this NBF match-up against Sepulveda is his first one back.  If anything, Sivori is a tough-as-nails grappler.  Sepulveda has okay grappling, but hits like an SUV doing 140 mph on the Garden State that spins out of control in bad weather.  Will Sivori play the role of unsuspecting guardrail?
    • Bryan Tapper vs. Kenneth Rivera: TSMMA’s Tapper is a dangerous cat, while Rivera is well-rounded, fought in the UCL years ago, and has had mixed success in New Jersey’s amateur leagues.  Who will win in this AFL bout?  The hungry kid or the salty veteran?  Hey, if I could see the future I’d have won the lottery ten times by now.
    • Mark Getto vs. Matt McManmon: This NBF fight has a former Combat in the Cage champ in Getto taking on a total grinder (meaning, when he wins it’s because he’s grinded you into oblivion for the duration) in McManmon.  Getto’s tough, but he hasn’t been that active, so watch for that ring rust to be a factor.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

TUF 10 Finale Viewed by 6.8 Billion Humans, Plus Assorted House Pets

The TUF 1o Finale, which featured Roy Nelson knocking out Brendan Schaub to become "The Ultimate Fighter" as well as someone named Kimbo Slice, was viewed by 6.8 billion humans plus an incalculable number of assorted house pets, according to statement released by SpikeTV. Those monumental ratings, encompassing every person currently alive on planet Earth regardless of whether they had access to a television (much less the cable network SpikeTV), make the finale the most-watched installment of the popular series ever (technically, it also makes it the most-watched event in human history). Said SpikeTV producer Neil Grannenberg, "Kimbo! Kimbo! Kimbo! Ahhhhh! Kimbo is the greatest!"

Monday, December 7, 2009

Dan Henderson Officially Signs with Strikeforce; Dana White Officially Declares Him a Has-Been

Dan Henderson, a top-level competitor and famous for simultaneously holding two belts in Pride, signed with Strikeforce today, ending weeks of speculation as to what Dana White thinks about the now former UFC fighter.  "Dan signed with them?" said White.  "Really?  Well, in that case, he sucks.  The man is a has-been and not worthy of the UFC.  I mean, when he was a part of our roster, he was a serious badass.  But not now.  No way."  Henderson's most recent win was a crushing knockout of Michael Bisping at UFC 100, the culmination of a TUF 9 season that saw the American and the Brit act as opposing coaches.  No word yet on Henderson's first opponent in Strikeforce, although it's safe to say White will say that he sucks too.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Observations From My Couch: TUF 10 Finale

  • Marcus Jones looked like an NFL player in there. Matt Mitrione looked like an NFL who knew how to throw a punch.
  • Yay, Frankie Edgar beat someone with absolutely no ranking in the division. Can he get a damn title shot now? Or does Joe Silva want him to defeat a homeless man and/or a lion?
  • Mark Bocek got a win over who? And wait, who is Mark Bocek again?
  • Every minute James McSweeney spends in the Octagon is an insult to ROC champ Ricardo Romero, who smoked McSweeney easily right before TUF.
  • Given his grappling improvements, that was the best Kimbo Slice we've ever seen. Too bad it was one of the worst fights ever. I think the UFC out-did EliteXC in that they just didn't pay Houston Alexander to stand up, they paid him to run.
  • Matt Hamill gets the award for the most battered and broken "winner" to ever leave the Octagon.
  • Roy Nelson is now the Ultimate Fighter. And given the depth of the heavyweight division, that should put him in line for a crack at the belt.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Predictions for TUF 10 Finale: "Kimbo Slice Rides Again!"

Once again a season of TUF draws to a close, and once again viewers are stricken with a profound sense of loss.  Loss at having wasted time watching the damn show, that is.  Yeah, yeah, Kimbo Slice was compelling, and there was thankfully very little white-trash or gay antics peppered throughout like bits of broken glass in a bowl of pork fried rice.  But still, the show is stale.  Does anyone even remember who fought besides Roy Nelson, Brendan Schaub, Kimbo and maybe Marcus Jones?  No!  No one was memorable and nothing happened that was interesting.  Anyway, the TUF 10 live finale is on SpikeTV on Saturday, so… predictions!

    • To prepare for his match-up against the portly Nelson, Schaub has been focusing on conditioning, cardio and striking.  To prepare for Schaub, Nelson ate an entire moose, including the horns.  Nelson via TKO.
    • Kimbo is facing Houston Alexander.  They’re going to throw bombs, and end up with the first double-knockout in Octagon history.
    • Matt Hamill is going to outpoint Jon Jones.  He will not, however, hear Bruce Buffer declare him the winner.
    • Frankie Edgar via summers at the Jersey Shore, driving around in a tricked out Iroc-Z with massive amounts of gel in his hair and hours and hours of time spent in a tanning booth.
    • Marcus Jones against Matt Mitrione?  The most likeable TUF 10er against the most hated?  Jones by limb-rending submission, and then he’s going to weep from the depths of his heart over the violence.

Mitch the Intern's TUF 10 Recap: Episode 11

*Editor's note: Mitch the Intern is an NYU undergrad whose favorite Wednesday night pastime includes the TV in his dorm room, a green beanbag chair and two hits of acid.  Enjoy.*

It's the last episode of the season - hooray!  It's two hours long - hooray!  It's jam-packed with fights - hooray!  And it's at times pointless - boo!

Zoom in on the tail-end of Dana White's traditional profanity-ridden speech about career options and each man looking into his own heart and discerning just what it is he wants to do for a living.  Why is Dana giving this speech?  Did a fighter drop out?  Does someone need to fill in for someone else, thereby earning themselves another shot at glory?  No.  Dana just likes giving this speech, apparently.

Then it's time for Dana and Kimbo Slice to talk.  There's no slot for Kimbo to step into, no vacant position for him to come in and swing for the fences while sucking in viewers like a gargantuan ratings Hoover vacuum.  No, Dana just wants to know if Kimbo is willing to fight.  Now.  For no reason at all.  Just frickin' fight.

"Uh, my knee…" says Kimbo sheepishly.

"Ha!" exclaims Dana.  "A real fighter would want to risk injury to fight for nothing on a stupid reality show you're ultimately getting paid zero for taking part in!  You suck!"

"I made 700,000 bucks for my last fight on CBS," Kimbo replies.

"Shut up!"

Meanwhile, Matt Minestrone calls his doctor and says that he's clearing himself to fight.  "My brain cancer is cured," says Matt Minestrone.

"Stop calling me," says the doctor.

Scott Garbage, unfortunately, is seriously injured.  Specifically, since his war with Matt Minestrone, his eyeball keeps falling out, and it must be held in place with Scotch tape.  Sporting wrap-around Terminator shades, he says to the camera, "The doctor says I may never fight again."

Cue sad violin music.

Marcus Jones hears the sad violin music and is severely affected by it, so much so that when he arrives at the TUF training center he gets in Matt Minestrone's face.  "I hear sad music so I am going to crush you," says Marcus Jones, but everyone - despite their abject fear of the behemoth - pulls Marcus Jones away and calms him down.

"It's just music," coach Jackson says to him.  "You have to ignore it.  I hear voices, and I usually ignore them."

But false alarm!  Scott Garbage is okay now!  The doctor has somehow miraculously healed him!

Cue joyful accordion music.

Marcus Jones hears the joyful accordion music and begins dancing a polka, his massive frame hopping around gleefully.

Then it's fight time, with James "I cant understand this guy - I think he's British" McSweeney taking on Matt Minestrone.  We didn't get a lot of James McSweeney this season, and whatever we did get was incoherent ramblings about periwinkle blue caravans and "dahgs", so now it's his time to shine.  And he does, dispatching the big, walking, talking can of Italian tomato-based soup with assorted vegetables with a first-round guillotine choke.

Then it's time for Marcus Jones to face Darrill Spoonodor.  Darrill Spoonodor has never lost before, but weeks of sexual harrassment and groping by coach Jackson has left him fragile.  Marcus Jones takes him down and hits him in the face repeatedly, so much so that Darrill Spoonodor's head bursts open like a overripe watermelon tossed from a speeding truck.

"Titties…?" says coach Jackson, standing forlorn over Darrill Spoonodor's splattered form.

Dana White announces the final match-ups, and it will be Roy "Big Country Fried Steak" Nelson against James McSweeney and Brendan Cottonswab against Marcus Jones.

At this point a TUF producer leans in and whispers into coach Jackson and Evans' ears.  The words "hype" and "sell your fight" and "what the hell are we paying you for?" can be heard.  So Jackson and Evans get in each other's faces, trading "Yo Momma" barbs and grinning and posturing.  Yawn.

And now, for the coveted gay males age 18-65 demographic, comes a prank, with Tiki-Tiki-Head (yes, his head is a giant wooden Hawaiian statue of a head.  God, just leave me alone.) and Jackson painting Team Rashad's warm-up room pink, filling it with stuffed animals and hanging a disco ball. 

Cue ABBA music.

Uh oh.  With the competition nearing its end, the teasing of Zak Jensen is reaching a fevered pitch.  First James McSweeney writes on his head with a magic marker, then he blocks his exit from the bathroom with some open drawers.  Zak Jensen flips!  Oh the fists are flying, each one thrown with all the skill and aplomb of a plucky fifth grader with thick-rimmed glasses, sick and tired of all the wedgies and the days spent stuffed in a locker.  James McSweeney gets the better of Zak Jensen, though, and he defuses the situation by putting Zak Jensen down on all fours and raping him.  The bigger man's rage diminishes into whimpers.

It's time for James McSweeney to fight Roy Nelson, and karma is indeed a bitch, with Nelson wasting no time getting the Brit down and smothering him with his belly.  Afterwards, when the referee pulls Roy Nelson off, James McSweeney is seen coughing, and he eventually pukes up the hoagie that Roy Nelson ate for lunch.

And then it's the final fight, with Marcus Jones getting Brendan Cottonswab down and going to work on top of him.  Oh no, what will Brendan Cottonswab do?  Not lose his cool, it looks like, and he escapes to get back to the feet and stun the bigger, scarier man.  The follow-up punches seal the deal and Brendan Cottonswab is victorious.  The final TUF 10 match-up to decide who is the "Ultimate Not Kimbo": Roy Nelson versus Brendan Cottonswab.

And we're done.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

December Calendar

December is shaping up to be a busy month for New York MMA fans.  There are two underground shows slated - one of them Pankration, the other MMA - for upcoming weekends.  There's also an Asylum Fight League scheduled for December 11th in Raritan, New Jersey, with Underground Combat League veteran James Funaro taking on Team Tiger Schulmann instructor Mike Fischetti.  Oh, and remember that bill to legalize MMA in New York that came really, really close to passing this year?  Well, the whole process will soon start all over again, and if you want to cheer bill sponsor Assemblyman Steve Englebright on or give him words of encouragement (or give him offerings of gold, women and wine), he'll be at a public hearing on December 9th in downtown Manhattan.  Athletic Commission programs will be discussed, so if you wear your TapOut shirt and Sprawl shorts, you will be relevant.

Do You Hear That Sound? That's the Sound of Scores of Massachusetts Promoters Crying Out

Massachusetts hopped on board the MMA train today, with the state's governor signing a bill calling for the Massachusetts Boxing Commission to start sanctioning MMA bouts.  That's great news if you're the UFC, the WEC, Strikeforce or any of the other "big boys" interested in doing a show in Boston.  But if you're a small, local promoter putting together a pro/am card featuring anyone and everyone, that news is bad.  You see, at one time the Commission was in charge of MMA events, but then the state backed off and went into laissez-faire mode, so for years the place has been a great, unregulated oasis for promoters to go wild.  Now, however, that all changes.  With the new law, gone are the days of a fighter competing while suspended in other jurisdictions, gone are the days of wacky matchmaking, and gone are the days of self-regulation.  It's rules and red tape from here on out.  Which isn't a bad thing, of course - unless you've been making a buck as a promoter doing whatever the hell you damn well please.