Friday, July 10, 2009

Mac Danzig to Become First TUF Winner Booted from UFC

Noted vegan and gross underperformer Mac Danzig is slated to become the first TUF winner to be cut from the UFC's roster, as the TUF 6 veteran will be facing New Jersey grappling stud Jim Miller in a lightweight undercard bout on Saturday night's UFC 100 event - a match-up Danzig is destined to lose via submission. The loss will be Danzig's third in a row, bringing his Octagon record to a dismal 1-3 and painting him as the clear-cut winner in the Danzig/Joe Stevenson/Kendall Grove "Race to Suckville". When asked about the honor to be bestowed upon him as the first TUF winner given the boot, Danzig replied: "Guys, please, meat is murder. Team Tofu all the way."

Based on Statement from Sketchy Agent, Anthony Johnson Arrested for Murder, Treason and Human Trafficking

Anthony "Rumble" Johnson has been arrested, and while details of the situation remain murky, a statement issued by his sketchy agent, Ken Pavia, indicate that the UFC fighter may be facing charges of murder, treason and human trafficking. The statement reads in part, "On June 27 Mr. Johnson was arrested in Hayward, California, and charged with misdemeanors stemming from an alleged altercation with an ex-girlfriend." As this comes from Pavia, a well-known silver-tongued vampire often found lurking in the rafters of UFC events waiting to prey upon the innocent, it can be inferred that Johnson was in fact arrested for crimes most serious. The statement further reads, "These charges are completely outside the realm of Mr. Johnson's character" - a sure indication that the man who defeated Tommy Speer, Kevin Burns and Luigi Fioravanti in the Octagon was a ticking timebomb set to explode at any time, and perhaps even a criminal mastermind responsible for the deaths of countless of hapless victims. MMA Journalist will have more as this story develops.