Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Other Changes to Unified Rules Proposed at ABC Conference

Last week the Association of Boxing Commissioners met for their annual conference and hammered out some new weight classes for the Unified Rules of Mixed Martial Arts (versions of which are followed by New Jersey, Nevada, California and most of the free world). In addition, certain fouls were added, certain fouls were removed and clarification was added to existing prohibitions, while a proposed amendment to the "no knees to the head of a downed opponent" rule was shot down. What else was proposed but did not make the final cut? MMA Journalist has obtained the following list from the conference transcript: - 1) When facing Kimbo Slice, opponents must never attempt to take the fight to the ground. - 2) No one can speak ill of Dana White. Ever. Seriously. - 3) Gina Carano is no longer required to make her contracted weight. For her, weight classes are merely a suggestion. - 4) Team-based MMA, with cockamamie team names like the "Washington Woodchucks", "Seattle Squid", "Tulsa Tumbleweeds", etc., is not allowed. - 5) Dear God, no more promotions from online gambling moguls. Please. - 6) Are we ordering pizza for lunch? If so, put me down for a pepperoni. Also, a diet Pepsi. - 7) "The Ultimate Fighter" must go on forever and ever, until Zuffa and SpikeTV have milked every dollar and modicum of talent possible from fans and fighters. - 8) Nick Lembo cannot possibly think that tie matches his shirt, can he? - 9) If you think that's bad, you should've seen Armando Garcia's sombrero from last year. - 10) Wait, are we being recorded?