Thursday, June 7, 2012

Another Disinterested UFC Preview

Another installment of UFC on FX hits the boobtube on Friday night, and man is this card a throwaway.  I mean, sure, the rematch between Demetrious Johnson and Ian McCall should be exciting, but anytime the main course features fighters like Mike Pyle and Eddie Wineland, you just know that if it weren't free you'd be "dining and dashing" on this meal like crazy.  Seriously, who's driving the bus on this UFC/FOX marriage?  Are they drunk?  Do they care about the quality of the cards and if people want to tune in?  I'm just glad that in the upcoming weekends there's live MMA for me to go to - like ROC, CFFC, the UCC and the UCL.  If I had to rely solely on the UFC for my MMA jollies, I'd probably kill myself.  No, wait, you.  Anyway, preview time.
  • Demetrious Johnson vs. Ian McCall - Like all important tournaments, the UFC's inaugural flyweight shindig got derailed something fierce, this one getting screwed up right out of the gate when these two micro-warriors had a thriller of a fight and then the commission flubbed tallying up the judges' scorecards.  So here we go again.  Will McCall start slow and end strong like before?  Will Johnson pick at him until there's nothing left but a 1920s-style moustache lying on the floor of the Octagon?  Will someone, anyone ever get a chance to face Joseph Benavidez, the other flyweight tournament finalist?  If you're like me, then you're probably counting on McCall to pick up where he left off.  But also, if you're like me, hey, what should I wear to UCL photog Anil Melwani's baby shower on Sunday?  Can I get away with my usual camo shorts and black t-shirt ensemble?
  • Erick Silva vs. Charlie Brenneman - Silva has proven to be one dangerous, hard-hitting motherfucker, but conversely, Brenneman will wrestlefuck you to death and smother you with his white-person afro.  Doesn't Brenneman seem like he'd make a great addition to the Counting Crows the next time they go on tour?  I could totally see him bopping around on stage, hair askew and crooning vocals that make college freshman girls lose their panties.
  • Mike Pyle vs. Josh Neer - I've always wondered if the sport would develop a kind of retirement program for its aged never-weres and almosts and could-have-beens, and here we are!  MMA's version of Social Security!  Only instead of a monthly check, these oldsters get to fight each other for their purse and a shot at a discretionary bonus that could very well go to one of the kids fighting on Facebook.
  • Eddie Wineland vs. Scott Jorgensen - I think it's safe to say Jorgensen will never be the champ.  If he's lucky, though, Wineland might be fortunate enough to be asked to fetch Dominic Cruz/Urijah Faber/Renan Barao a copy of today's paper while they're headed into the crapper.
  • Leonard Garcia vs. Matt Grice - I still believe the image of Garcia coughing up balloons full of cocaine is funny.
  • Dustin Pague vs. Jared Papazian - Do you think that if God actually wanted to sponsor Pague the UFC would force Him to pony up the 100 grand sponsorship tax?