A Look into the Crystal Ball for the November 30th ROC Finals

Friday's Ring of Combat 15 event marked the opening round of the "Beasts of the Northeast" tournament - the only three-round Grand Prix-style MMA tournament in the US - and it proved to be a night of excitement, thrills, and tons of trauma-induced medical suspensions. As MMA Journalist is the proud owner of a crystal ball (hey, a distant great-great-uncle on my mom's side was a gypsy), a glimpse into the future reveals this about the November 30th finals: -In the lightweight division, events are cloudy. But it appears submission stud Brian McLaughlin and the ultra-talented and dangerous Eddie Fyvie will wage war. Due to massive collateral damage to the Atlantic City area, New Jersey Governor John Corzine will request federal aid for disaster relief and the rebuilding efforts.
-In the welterweight division, tough Jungle Gym fighter Joseph Aviles will win the 170-pound belt due to being the most "street". This is established after he shanks his opponent in the semi-finals.
-The future is uncertain in the middleweight division due to the high skill level of the remaining four competitors, but the crystal ball favors ROC Champ Marc Stevens and his ability to go from calm and friendly dude to the "Incredible Hulk" in the span of two seconds. Stevens is quoted as saying "Marc smash!" during each of his bouts.
-John Doyle will win the light-heavyweight title by eating his opponents' souls in the semi-finals and finals - just like he did at the opening round on Friday night. Tune in for more glimpses of the future courtesy of the MMA Journalist crystal ball.

From the Mailbag: "Your blog sux!!! LOL1!!!"

"Yo, hook me up with a fite bro. I m 230-0 on da streeet with some boxing and grapplin I seen UFCs and could kick Chuck Leddles AZZ!!! wurse then that Rampage cat. I talked to Dana Wite he siad I was too good for Ultimate Fiter show, gess he scarred I will kill some one cuz I m too REALL!! PS. Your blog sux!!! LOL1!!!" - NJBouncer23

Thanks for the kind words, NJBouncer23. If you're looking to compete, promoter Ed Hsu will have an Extreme Challenge Trials amateur MMA event on September 15th at the Rahway Recreational Center, while Carl Mascarenhas will have a New Breed Fighters amateur MMA event at the House of Blues in Atlantic City on September 28th. Also, Kipp Kollar has begun having amateur bouts at his Reality Fighting events, although there's no word yet on his next New Jersey show.

Observations from My Couch: WEC 30

-Great jiu-jitsu is a beautiful and inspiring thing to behold. It’s also not enough to win you a WEC Bantamweight Championship belt when Chase Beebe is your opponent.

-Brian Stann is a real American hero, and should have a GI Joe action figure modeled after him. His action figure counterpart in the Cobra organization would be a villain named “Tomato Can”.

-WEC Lightweight Champ Rob McCullough is exciting, dangerous, and one of the best 155-pounders not good enough for the UFC.

Rich Crunkilton is a Tough Son of a Bitch

The Korean War soldier who beat back a division of Chinese with just an entrenching tool. The hiker who sawed off his own arm with a pocket knife when it became trapped under a boulder. Rich Crunkilton, who had his elbow completely wrecked by a Hermes Franca kimura, yet kept fighting until time ran out in their UFC 42 bout. History is full of tales of absolute badassery, of stories that highlight the indomitable will that man can sometimes summon, and these tales serve to inspire us. At tomorrow's UFC Lite - excuse me, WEC 30 - Crunkilton takes on lightweight champ Rob McCullough, and the skilled AKA grappler will certainly have his hands full against the deadly Muay Thai stud. But win or lose, one thing is irrefutable: Crunkilton is a tough son of a bitch.

ROC 15: You Will Never Find a More Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy

The September 7th Ring of Combat 15 event at the Tropicana Casino & Resort will mark the opening round of the "Beasts of the Northeast" tournament, and it features an ambitious 16-bout card spanning four weight classes. However, a closer look at the roster reveals that promoter Lou Neglia has done more than just assemble some of the East Coast's toughest fighters. Here's what MMA Journalist has uncovered:
Brian McLaughlin- Competing at lightweight, this Hudson Valley Jiu-Jitsu instructor is the most technical and dangerous grappler in his weight class. He's also a prime suspect in the murders of Care Bears "Tenderheart" and "Funshine".
James Gabert- Nicknamed "the Angry Snowman", Gabert is a well-rounded Team Serra/Longo welterweight capable of winning on the feet or on the ground. His moniker comes from his days as an enforcer for the Domino Sugar cartel.
Mike Massenzio- A middleweight wrestler and ground-and-pound specialist, this Ironhorse MMA representative is a known cattle rustler. Wait, does New Jersey even have cattle?
Jordan Pergola- A heavy-handed brawler who wrestled at Hofstra before honing his striking at Bellmore Kickboxing Academy, this middleweight did time at Fulsom Prison. According to the police report, Pergola shot a man in Reno - just to watch him die.
Sean McCann- This Team Endgame light-heavyweight is a sprawl-and-brawler with knockout power in his hands. He's also wanted for tearing off the "DO NOT REMOVE THIS LABEL" tags on mattresses.
With a line-up like this, you can expect the NJSACB to be watching the event closely!

Babalu-San Dishonors Clan; Seppuku Imminent

Great shame and dishonor was brought upon the Sobral house this weekend, as light-heavyweight warrior Renato "Babalu-san" Sobral soundly defeated David Heath at UFC 74 and, despite the referee's admonishings, refused to release the finishing Anaconda choke. Although Heath was only rendered unconscious, and was ultimately unharmed, the code of Bushido demands a strict adherence to the rules of combat - rules which Babalu-san ignored when he dismissed the referee and continued with the hold. Immediately after the incident, Emperor Kizer of the NSAC was said to be "most displeased", and a portion of the offender's purse was withheld pending an inquiry. It is expected that the disgraced Babalu-san will commit seppuku, although there is no word on when the ritual suicide will take place.

Rise of the Rockstar

Rumor has it the winner of the Joe Stevenson/Kurt Pellegrino bout at UFC 74 will be in line for a title shot if beleaguered lightweight champ Sean Sherk is stripped for juicing. Sure, Stevenson is some West Coast submission hotshot, and a King of the Cage champ before winning TUF 2, but I can tell you one thing that he's not. He's not a rockstar. And without a doubt, Pellegrino - who parlayed a wrestling background into an MMA career before getting his BJJ black belt - is a bonafied rockstar. While honing his skills on the East Coast circuit, the man known as "Batman" fought in everything from Reality Fighting to Ring of Combat, the MFC and the AFC, and his style and presence was such that he simply could not fight without female fans rushing the apron and throwing their panties into the ring. Do you know what it's like to see young girls faint as he makes his entrance? Do you have any idea how disconcerting it is to have ladies go into a frenzy, or cry, or beg for Batman's autograph when you're trying to take notes? I kid you not, at MFC 4, when Pellegrino defeated Sergei Goliaev via choke, some woman actually asked him to sign her breasts. Can you fathom how distracting that is? In terms of skills, Stevenson and Pellegrino match up nicely. But in terms of rockstar status... well, how many women out there have a picture of Stevenson tattooed on their ass? Enough said.

Nick Lembo: Consigliere Della Famiglia

Kissing the ring of NJSACB Commissioner Larry Hazzard may go a long way towards getting your professional combative sports license approved, but the "family business" is handled by Nick Lembo. Consigliere to Hazzard's Don Corleone, Lembo is a man of compassion, willing to help a scrambling show survive - and a man of principle, unafraid to void an inequitable management contract. How many corrupt promoters have awakened with a bloody horse's head in their bed? How many inept fighters now sleep with the fishes? Things such as this are not spoken of, suffice to say: it's not personal. It's strictly business.

A Big, Steaming Pile of Global Fighting Championship

I was walking my dog the other day - a cute beagle named "Bogie" - and, I don't know if you know this, but New York City has a law about cleaning up after your pets. Something like a fine of a few hundred bucks, or you get sent to Riker's Island - I'm not sure which. Anyway, I'd forgotten to bring a plastic bag to, you know, pick up after him, and so of course Bogie makes a big, steaming pile of GLOBAL FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP on the sidewalk. Well, I didn't know what to do. Should I kick it off the sidewalk and sully my brand new Keen shoes? Or should I just ignore the nasty mess? Luckily, no one was around, so I had no problem pretending it didn't happen and I promptly took my dog home.

"Life Ain't Nothing But Bitches and Money"

Growing up on the mean streets of Compton, California, Randy Couture probably never envisioned himself an elder statesman. But time, and a career spanning two platinum records and a multitude of shiny UFC belts, has made "Easy-C", a.k.a. "the Natural" one of the most recognized and respected persons in both gangsta rap and mixed martial arts. From the time his seminal rap group N.W.A. released their controversial single "Straight Outta Compton", Couture seemed destined for greatness - a greatness soon realized when he captured his first heavyweight championship title. Fast forward nearly ten years to August 25th, when Couture will once again be stepping into the Octagon a champ, defending his crown against upstart Gabriel "Ice Cube" Gonzaga. Yet win or lose, the UFC Hall of Famer's place in history could not be more secure. For the man who gave us "Fuck tha Police", and who crushed the likes of Tito Ortiz, Chuck Liddell and Tim Sylvia, it's about "legacy" - and Easy-C's legacy is an enduring and impeccable one. Word.

Sherdog: Volleyball Powerhouse

A few weeks ago, Dana White shot a barb at Jeff Sherwood and the folks at Sherdog.com, saying they were fanboys who'd never done anything athletic in their lives. Not true. At the annual MMA media picnic, Team Sherdog has won the volleyball tournament the last three years in a row - although I'd wager that has more to do with fear than anything else. You see, the night before UFC 42 (which took place in Miami), a group of MMA journalists were out galavanting around South Beach with Josh Thomson and the boys from American Kickboxing Academy when some street thugs tried to re-enact a scene from "The Warriors". That night, while others ran, Sherwood, and his reporter Greg Savage, fought alongside Thomson and AKA, clobbering one fool with a chair and kicking another in the teeth. That sounds pretty athletic to me. Regardless of whether you agree with their opinions or not, Sherdog's been on the frontlines. They've done more than enough to earn some respect. Also, Josh Gross has a killer overhand serve.