Observations from My Couch: UFN 11

-Watching a UFC bout without audio commentary is strangely soothing. Watching Joe Rogan hold a plastic spine, gesticulate and soundlessly move his lips made me wonder if I was on drugs.
-Pete Sell and Nate Quarry are warriors, and in a past life, fought valiantly and were carted off the field of battle on their shields. Sell required an extra person to carry his decapitated head.
-If one of my sisters had ever brought Nick Diaz home, I would have disapproved. If they had brought Nate home, I would have spent the afternoon playing XBOX with him.
-Chris Leben appears to have matured into a calmer, more-grounded person. He still scares me, though, and I would not let him babysit my kids.
-Din Thomas' knee injury is somehow related to his afro. I'm not sure how, but it is.

Din X to Win By Any Means Necessary

Brothers and sisters, when top-ranked UFC lightweight Din Thomas, a.k.a. Din X, takes on Kenny "White Devil" Florian at tonight's UFC Fight Night, you can expect two things: Din X will free himself from the shackles of the White Devil's oppressive jiu-jitsu game, and Din X will win by any means necessary. For Din X fears not the lashes of any man's Muay Thai elbows, and in orchestrating this bout, Dana Shabazz and the prophet Elijah Silva have given the Nation of ATT warrior a chance to show the world that fighting is about more than just 40 acres (with a win bonus of a mule). No, brothers and sisters, it's about pride. As a cloud of confusion hangs over the 155-pound class thanks to Sean "the Man" Sherk's NSAC troubles, and as BJ Penn is in need of an opponent for UFC 78, Din X's time is now. Brother and sisters, his time is now!

Once a Champ, Always a Champ

Once a champ, always a champ. That's how I see it for someone who's managed to climb to the top of the UFC mountain, and that's how I see it for someone like Ricco Rodriguez, who years ago defeated Randy Couture to earn the heavyweight belt then lost it to underdog Tim Sylvia the next time he stepped into the Octagon. On Thursday, September 20th, Rodriguez will return to action to face Ben "Bad Motherfucker" Rothwell at the IFL. It will be the former champ's toughest test in years and Rothwell's toughest opponent ever. It's also a masterstroke for the promotion, as they've finally matched up their untouchable star against someone who could very well kick his ass. Bravo for all involved. Back in February of 2003, I was writing an article called "A Tale of Three Fighters", and I had gotten the before-, during- and after-bout perspective from three competitors who were at very different stages of the fight game. Rodriguez was my champion's perspective, and he was friendly and more than happy to talk about everything leading up to his UFC 41 rendezvous with Sylvia. Then his reign as king came to an abrupt end, and after the bout, the only thing Rodriguez had for me was, "Sorry Jim, but no interviews at this time." I respected that. He had been the UFC champ - he deserved all the respect in the world. And it doesn't matter if he wins or loses against Rothwell, as he will always deserve respect.

Tamdan McCrory Facing Either Japanese Fighter or STD

Undefeated Bombsquad badass Tamdan McCrory, who made his UFC debut a successful one when he submitted veteran Pete Spratt back in June, is either facing Akihiro Gono at UFC 78 or he's fighting gonorrhea. I don't know which. Too much rock and roll over the years has damaged my hearing. McCrory is a stud, though, so it could be either one. Or both. I don't know. But either way, my money is on McCrory because he's aggressive and well-rounded and more than capable of defeating the Pride: Bushido veteran, and also because a shot of penicillin is supposed to clear up the clap fairly easily. Note: I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

Gina Carano Good Enough to Defeat Top Female Fighters

Based on the crisp stand-up and stellar submission skills we've seen from her thus far, EliteXC star Gina Carano has proven that she's good enough to defeat top fighters such as BodogFIGHT champ Tara LaRosa, Laura D'Auguste, Amanda Buckner, Carina Damm, and Kelly Kobold (if, by "defeat", you mean "get her ass royally kicked by"). Who in the ever-increasing female MMA talent pool can withstand Carano's deadly offense (if, by "deadly", you mean "laughable")? Who can penetrate her rock-solid defense (if, by "rock-solid", you mean "paltry")? Who should she face next? Only time will tell. But you can rest assured: EliteXC will test her (if, by "test", you mean "feed her a tomato can").

Rhino Fight Team Most Chillaxin Team on East Coast

The Rhino Fight Team, which came away with four championship titles at this weekend's Battle Cage Xtreme II in Atlantic City, has proven to be one of the most dominant and "chillaxin" teams on the East Coast. When asked to comment about his team's top-level chillaxin-ness, submission stud Kevin Roddy, who scored a championship belt after his 54-second armbar victory over Cory LaPlant, replied, "Dude." "Dude," said Tom Gallicchio, who smoked Brian DeMuro to get a welterweight belt for himself. Added Steve D'Angelis, who took home featherweight honors after laying opponent Matt Zaccaria on the mat, picking out all the seeds and stems, and rolling him tightly before lighting him up: "Dude." From exciting UFC 155-pounder Frankie Edgar to crushing heavyweight Carlos Moreno, the New Jersey-based team has long been considered a force - and with their talent pool, work ethic and ability to just chill, they're likely to remain a force for a long time to come.

*photo courtesy of Matt Donovan*

EliteXC Primed and Ready to Kick UFC in the Nuts

The MMA market dust has settled, revealing ProElite's EliteXC as one of the frontrunners in the world of UFC competitors. Airing on Showtime, and scooping up top talent like Robbie Lawler, Murilo Rua, Jake Shields and Nick Diaz, the MMA conglomerate (they recently gobbled up KOTC and Hawaii's ICON in a fashion similar to that giant space ship-eating thingy on the old "Star Trek" TV series) has become a true global force. Promotions like the IFL may be nipping at Zuffa's ankle, but EliteXC looks to be the one that will soon kick the UFC in the nuts.

UFC 75 on SpikeTV Most Watched Show on Floor of My Apartment Building

UFC 75, which featured UFC champ Quinton Jackson squaring off against Pride champ Dan Henderson on a tape-delayed show airing on SpikeTV, was the most-watched television program on the floor of my apartment building on Saturday night, according to David Schwartz of SpikeTV. The UK-based event was viewed in four out of seven apartments, which included the gay man in 4L, the Turkish student in 4K, and the Asian couple in 4M. For the eagerly-anticipated main event, even the elderly woman in 4H tuned in (although it's unclear if she actually knew what she was watching). Said UFC president Dana White: "Not only did UFC 75 showcase the bout that unified the 205-pound Pride and UFC titles... wait, do you want to be a fucking fighter?"

Florida State Boxing Commission Atones for Past Sins, Saves Man's Life

They could have just as easily allowed it, and if they had, a man would surely have died. But the Florida State Boxing Commission put their foot down and denied the proposed match-up between Pitbull Jamal Patterson and Silverback Ben Rothwell for the IFL 2007 Finals (scheduled for September 20th in Hollywood, Florida). Thank God. There's no question Patterson is some kind of rabid jiu-jitsu animal. He is, however, a light-heavyweight with just four fights to his record. Rothwell, on the other hand, is... well, let's just say this 32-5 heavyweight knockout artist has "Bad Motherfucker" printed on his leather wallet. I have long held it against the Florida Commission that they'd licensed an incompetent referee like James Warring, and I've always felt they should've shot infamous "promoter" Jamie Levine on sight, but they did right in this instance. Now the question remains: who suggested this bout to the Commission, and why do they want Patterson dead?

UFC's UK Poster Boy Only Slightly More Articulate Than Deaf Opponent

Michael Bisping, TUF 3 winner and the UFC's current UK poster boy, proved that he's only slightly more articulate than deaf opponent Matt Hamill on Saturday. After garnering a questionable decision victory following three rounds of combat, Bisping asked Joe Rogan "D'ya like dags?" during the post-fight interview, and was heard muttering something about a "perrywinkle blue caravan". While Bisping is usually considered nowhere near as unintelligible as fellow countrymen Lee Murray and Ross Pointon, Saturday's incident most likely damaged his image. It's unclear on how this might affect his poster boy status.

A Look into the Crystal Ball for the November 30th ROC Finals

Friday's Ring of Combat 15 event marked the opening round of the "Beasts of the Northeast" tournament - the only three-round Grand Prix-style MMA tournament in the US - and it proved to be a night of excitement, thrills, and tons of trauma-induced medical suspensions. As MMA Journalist is the proud owner of a crystal ball (hey, a distant great-great-uncle on my mom's side was a gypsy), a glimpse into the future reveals this about the November 30th finals: -In the lightweight division, events are cloudy. But it appears submission stud Brian McLaughlin and the ultra-talented and dangerous Eddie Fyvie will wage war. Due to massive collateral damage to the Atlantic City area, New Jersey Governor John Corzine will request federal aid for disaster relief and the rebuilding efforts.
-In the welterweight division, tough Jungle Gym fighter Joseph Aviles will win the 170-pound belt due to being the most "street". This is established after he shanks his opponent in the semi-finals.
-The future is uncertain in the middleweight division due to the high skill level of the remaining four competitors, but the crystal ball favors ROC Champ Marc Stevens and his ability to go from calm and friendly dude to the "Incredible Hulk" in the span of two seconds. Stevens is quoted as saying "Marc smash!" during each of his bouts.
-John Doyle will win the light-heavyweight title by eating his opponents' souls in the semi-finals and finals - just like he did at the opening round on Friday night. Tune in for more glimpses of the future courtesy of the MMA Journalist crystal ball.