Saturday, October 24, 2009
Liveblog: World MMA Expo Part 3
Eddie's knowledge of the history of the sport cannot be overstated. When I started covering MMA back in 2001, he was someone I looked up to in terms of the scope and breadth of what he knew, his fashion sense notwithstanding. Melvina gets the conch shell again, and like when she spoke at the legislative roundtable earlier this year, she brings up the scourge known as unsanctioned underground shows. Somewhere, Peter Storm's ears are ringing. Uh oh, now Eddie's talking about underground fights, and he's bringing up Doug Dedge, the American who fought in an unsanctioned show in the Ukraine and died. Someone must've clued him in about the death toll events like the UCL and Empire State Warrior Challenge have left in their wake. Okay, now it's open to questions from the audience. Some lunatic is ranting and raving about being a Tae Kwon Do champ and member of Lions Den and smokers and, God, I can't figure out where he's going with this. I think he hates the government or something. Now he's going on about Matt Hughes and Tim Sylvia raping a girl and Dana White paying her 2 million bucks in hush money. Oh this is gold. To his credit, Mike Kim is responding with calm and poise and is difusing Mr. Crazy Lions Den Guy Who Did Tae Kwon Do. Okay, things are drawing to a close. Overall, it seems the future of MMA is optimistic - with a side of crazy.
Liveblog: World MMA Expo Part 2
It's time now for the panel discussion title "The Future of MMA in New York". The speakers include athletic commission chairwoman Melvina Lathan, Mike Kim (the guy who drafted the legislation that will soon be passed legalizing pro MMA), and Eddie Goldman. Also on hand are an assortment of fortune tellers, soothsayers, prognosticators, clairvoyants and gypsies that read chicken gizzards. Melvina is up first, and the crux of her speech is a brief history of the commission's oversight of MMA before it was banned in 1996. She stresses that the commission currently has no regulatory power over it, that the law has to change. Mike Kim is now talking about the legalization process and where the MMA bill stands. Eddie, meanwhile, is contributing by blowing up balloons and making animals and a crown.
Liveblog: World MMA Expo Part 1
MMA Journalist is here at the Javits Center in Manhattan for the inaugural World MMA Expo, a convention of sorts featuring vendors, demos, guest speakers and religious zealots out to convert bystanders into followers of jiu-jitsu, wrestling and Muay Thai. The turnout isn't bad - not as huge as when the nerds gather for a ComicCon or something, but there's a decent amount of people. Pete Sell, Pete Spratt and Phillipe Nover are in a cage giving autographs, and the line is pretty long for that, and a healthy crowd is gathered around a mat to watch Marcelo Garcia display his absolute mastery of Tai Chi. Or something. Also present: the Fight Nerd, Doug from Evolution Combat Club, and Eddie "Bad Mofo" Goldman. I'm going to try to get Eddie to sign my chest.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Weekend Schedule
There's a lot going on this weekend. Besides UFC 104 on pay-per-view Saturday night, Maryland will host its first-ever pro MMA show with Shogun Fights. The man behind the event is John Rallo, a Renzo black belt and the driving force that got the sport legalized down there, and it looks like local studs Binky Jones, Rick Desper and New Jersey featherweight powerhouse Steve DeAngelis get to be first up to bat.
Also this weekend is the World MMA Expo at the Jacob Javitz Center in Manhattan. MMA Journalist will be liveblogging that one.
Asylum Fight League XX is on Saturday night at the Trump Marina in Atlantic City. The AFL is always a good night of fighting, but as cloning technology isn't quite up to par yet, MMA Journalist is going to miss it.
Also this weekend is the World MMA Expo at the Jacob Javitz Center in Manhattan. MMA Journalist will be liveblogging that one.
Asylum Fight League XX is on Saturday night at the Trump Marina in Atlantic City. The AFL is always a good night of fighting, but as cloning technology isn't quite up to par yet, MMA Journalist is going to miss it.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Reformed Underground Fighter to Return to the Warm Embrace of Sanctioned MMA
Reformed underground fighter James Funaro, who made a name for himself as a top vale tudo competitor in the New York underground fight scene, will return to the warm embrace of sanctioned MMA this weekend at Asylum Fight League XX in Atlantic City. It's an unprecedented move. Usually, fighters who've crossed over to the dark side of unregulated matches are banned from amateur competition in New Jersey. But "after filing the proper post-UCL paperwork" and getting the necessary medical tests, it looks like the 175-pound Vamos BJJ/BoxFit rep will make the switch. Funaro, of course, is no stranger to bouts with actual rules. Prior to his career as a lawless gladiator fighting to the death, he saw combat at New Breed Fighters, Caged Fury in Ohio, and most recently at Philly Biker Brawl in Philadelphia. "Good for him," said the evil Brian Dennehy, who controls the underground fight circuit in New York. "He deserves to go legit. I wish him luck." Funaro is scheduled to face the experienced Anthony Cruz, and the AFL 20 card will also feature amateur mainstays Thiago Carfi, George Siderias and Cuba Gooding Jr.
Mitch the Intern's TUF 10 Recap: Episode 6
*Editor's note: Mitch the Intern is an NYU undergrad whose favorite Wednesday night pastime includes the TV in his dorm room, a green beanbag chair and two hits of acid. Enjoy.*
After realizing that Kimbo's fight was the high-point of the season and it will only be a suckfest from here on out, Darrill Spoonodor attempts to find solace in a bottle of booze. Actually, many bottles of booze. And beer. And sangria. And Bartles & James wine coolers. And Boones Farm. "Blimey, Darrill fancies ter missin' link a hoppin' pot ov de booze, innit?" says James McSweeney.
Um, what?
Anyway, Team Rashad gathers for practice, Darrill by now intoxicated out of his mind, stumbling about and muttering something about "Winky-Dinky Dogs". Coach Evans ignores him, even when his heavyweight ward vomits on assistant coach Mike Van Arsdale, and the ex-champ introduces guest coach Kru Phil Nurse, who teaches Team Rashad about greasing and other anti-grappling techniques. Immediately, Kru Phil Nurse begins rubbing everyone down with Vaseline.
Team Rampage, meanwhile, is having a hard time coping with their nonstop string of losses, and coach Jackson, on day nine of another sleepless, Red Bull-fueled bender, begins to hallucinate. The focus of his hallucinations: Darrill Spoonodor's chest, which in his addled mind resemble "titties". "Titties!" Jackson calls out to Darrill Spoonodor's chest. He attempts to suckle, but the drunken TUF contestant rebuffs him. "Titties!" Jackson cries.
Then everyone lines up for the "Which Rampage Fighter Is Going To Get Beat Next?" ceremony, and as Team Rashad has the ball, coach Evans gets to choose. He picks Darrill Spoonoder to face Zak Jensen, wildly believed to be the weakest link of Team Rampage - nay, the entire TUF house - nay, the entire world. Zak Jensen is purported to be a delicate flower, capable of much love and caring and absolutely zero fighting. At that point Darrill Spoonodor begins shouting at a heavybag and gesticulating wildly. "You son of bitch, you've been staring at me all night. You think you're tough? I'll kick your ass!" Except Darrill Spoonodor is pretty far gone at this point, so when he talks it sounds like his cheeks are full of bar pretzels. And maybe they are.
"Titties!" wails Jackson. "Titties, titties, titties!" He begins waving around dollar bills in a vain effort to get Darrill Spoonodor to dance for him.
Back at the house and everyone is counting down the minutes until Zak Jensen crumbles. Wes Sims starts a pool, marking off on a calendar each housemate's guess. Some wager sooner. Some wager later. Zak Jensen himself even marks off a day on the calendar, then returns to his poetry in the bunk above Wes Sims.
It's training time, and again we're treated to more reasons as to why Zak Jensen sucks. But when he's accidently cut above the eye during a scramble, we're given hope: could this be Kimbo Slice's opening to re-enter the competition? Sorry, Kimbo, no way. If you were going to fight, this episode would have garnered another massive bombardment of SpikeTV press releases hyping the show. And that obviously didn't happen.
Hijinks at the TUF training center! While coach Evans has brought in Kru Phil Nurse to help out his team of upstarts, Team Rampage assistant coach Tiki-Tiki-Head (yes, his head his a giant wooden Hawaiian statue of a head. Word? Yeah, word.) has brought in a cartoonist. Hmmmm... If Team Rampage members keep losing by submission and their coaching staff consequently provides them with a cartoonist, what would the coaching staff have provided if they kept losing by strikes? A violinist? A giraffe? Anyway, the cartoonist draws caricatures of the various members of Team Rashad, with Darrill Spoonodor in a bra.
"Titties!" Rampage implores, and he begins dry humping a nearby stationary bike.
Thankfully, it's fight time, and Zak Jensen and Darrill Spoonodor enter the cage. By now Darrill Spoonodor is so shitfaced he can barely see, and he's moving like Daffy Duck after Daffy's been hit with a tranquilizer dart, i.e., soooo slowwwwwww. But it doesn't matter. He punches Zak Jensen in the face, and when Zak Jensen takes him down, he slaps on the slowest triangle choke known to man - a triangle choke Zak Jensen does nothing to avoid. Eleven minutes later and Zak Jensen is asleep. Darrill Spoonodor again vomits, and grabs a nearby production assistant and snuggles with him in a corner. "You sure look pretty..." Darrill Spoonodor says to the hapless man before drifting off into alcohol-induced unconsciousness.
"Titties?" Jackson says, the hurt and confusion in his voice clear as day. "Titties, I - I loved you."
The end.
After realizing that Kimbo's fight was the high-point of the season and it will only be a suckfest from here on out, Darrill Spoonodor attempts to find solace in a bottle of booze. Actually, many bottles of booze. And beer. And sangria. And Bartles & James wine coolers. And Boones Farm. "Blimey, Darrill fancies ter missin' link a hoppin' pot ov de booze, innit?" says James McSweeney.
Um, what?
Anyway, Team Rashad gathers for practice, Darrill by now intoxicated out of his mind, stumbling about and muttering something about "Winky-Dinky Dogs". Coach Evans ignores him, even when his heavyweight ward vomits on assistant coach Mike Van Arsdale, and the ex-champ introduces guest coach Kru Phil Nurse, who teaches Team Rashad about greasing and other anti-grappling techniques. Immediately, Kru Phil Nurse begins rubbing everyone down with Vaseline.
Team Rampage, meanwhile, is having a hard time coping with their nonstop string of losses, and coach Jackson, on day nine of another sleepless, Red Bull-fueled bender, begins to hallucinate. The focus of his hallucinations: Darrill Spoonodor's chest, which in his addled mind resemble "titties". "Titties!" Jackson calls out to Darrill Spoonodor's chest. He attempts to suckle, but the drunken TUF contestant rebuffs him. "Titties!" Jackson cries.
Then everyone lines up for the "Which Rampage Fighter Is Going To Get Beat Next?" ceremony, and as Team Rashad has the ball, coach Evans gets to choose. He picks Darrill Spoonoder to face Zak Jensen, wildly believed to be the weakest link of Team Rampage - nay, the entire TUF house - nay, the entire world. Zak Jensen is purported to be a delicate flower, capable of much love and caring and absolutely zero fighting. At that point Darrill Spoonodor begins shouting at a heavybag and gesticulating wildly. "You son of bitch, you've been staring at me all night. You think you're tough? I'll kick your ass!" Except Darrill Spoonodor is pretty far gone at this point, so when he talks it sounds like his cheeks are full of bar pretzels. And maybe they are.
"Titties!" wails Jackson. "Titties, titties, titties!" He begins waving around dollar bills in a vain effort to get Darrill Spoonodor to dance for him.
Back at the house and everyone is counting down the minutes until Zak Jensen crumbles. Wes Sims starts a pool, marking off on a calendar each housemate's guess. Some wager sooner. Some wager later. Zak Jensen himself even marks off a day on the calendar, then returns to his poetry in the bunk above Wes Sims.
It's training time, and again we're treated to more reasons as to why Zak Jensen sucks. But when he's accidently cut above the eye during a scramble, we're given hope: could this be Kimbo Slice's opening to re-enter the competition? Sorry, Kimbo, no way. If you were going to fight, this episode would have garnered another massive bombardment of SpikeTV press releases hyping the show. And that obviously didn't happen.
Hijinks at the TUF training center! While coach Evans has brought in Kru Phil Nurse to help out his team of upstarts, Team Rampage assistant coach Tiki-Tiki-Head (yes, his head his a giant wooden Hawaiian statue of a head. Word? Yeah, word.) has brought in a cartoonist. Hmmmm... If Team Rampage members keep losing by submission and their coaching staff consequently provides them with a cartoonist, what would the coaching staff have provided if they kept losing by strikes? A violinist? A giraffe? Anyway, the cartoonist draws caricatures of the various members of Team Rashad, with Darrill Spoonodor in a bra.
"Titties!" Rampage implores, and he begins dry humping a nearby stationary bike.
Thankfully, it's fight time, and Zak Jensen and Darrill Spoonodor enter the cage. By now Darrill Spoonodor is so shitfaced he can barely see, and he's moving like Daffy Duck after Daffy's been hit with a tranquilizer dart, i.e., soooo slowwwwwww. But it doesn't matter. He punches Zak Jensen in the face, and when Zak Jensen takes him down, he slaps on the slowest triangle choke known to man - a triangle choke Zak Jensen does nothing to avoid. Eleven minutes later and Zak Jensen is asleep. Darrill Spoonodor again vomits, and grabs a nearby production assistant and snuggles with him in a corner. "You sure look pretty..." Darrill Spoonodor says to the hapless man before drifting off into alcohol-induced unconsciousness.
"Titties?" Jackson says, the hurt and confusion in his voice clear as day. "Titties, I - I loved you."
The end.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Predictions for UFC 104: "Concentrate, Daniel-San - Wax On, Wax Off"
UFC 104 approaches, and with it comes the latest installment of the popular "The Karate Kid" series. When last we left Daniel-San, he was victorious in defeating the bully Rashad Evans. But his Crane Technique can only carry him so far, and his next opponent - the Shogun of Harlem - is the baddest mo-fo, low-down around this town. Will Daniel-San emerge victorious? Or will he face doom in the Octagon and forever be known as "The Last Dragon"? Predictions!
- Lyoto Machida will win. He's been drinking his own urine, and that's some serious karate right there.
- I'm really aggravated that Yahoo! Sports used my "Is Cain Able?" line before I could get it up. That kind of witty Biblical analogy is this blog's bread and butter. Dammit.
- Ben Rothwell: the man, the myth, the buffet killer.
- I don't know who's going to win between Gleison Tibau and Josh Neer, but one thing is for sure: somehow, some way, Neer is going to wind up pissed off.
- Spencer "the King" Fisher is going to out-point Joe Stevenson, but the California State Athletic Commission will change the result to a "no contest" when they find out that Fisher is not, in fact, a king.
- Anthony Johnson by pure, unadulterated blackness.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Another NYC Underground Show Scheduled
November is turning into a busy month for MMA fans in New York, with yet another underground show scheduled for the Five Boroughs. If this one is anything like the last one I went to over the summer (click here for the trip down memory lane: http://mmajournalist.blogspot.com/2009/06/liveblog-brooklyn-underground-show-part.html ), the action is MMA-ish, i.e., not vale tudo like the UCL and the fighters wear headgear. But it can be entertaining. Anyhoo, this one is in Queens and it's slated for November 13th. Booyah.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)