Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Things That Won't Happen at UFC 98

UFC 98 is Saturday night at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, with light-heavyweight champ Rashad Evans defending his belt against Lyoto "Bruce Leroy" Machida, and Matt Hughes and Matt Serra finally meeting in a co-main event heralded as a grudge match but more akin to "Oh Jeez, Just Get the Damn Fight Over With" bout. Anyhoo, here's a list of things that won't happen at UFC 98:
  • Machida will not move forward. In fact, the infamous backpedaler will make his way to the Octagon backwards.
  • Hughes and Serra will not engage in a rousing striking-only battle. No, something about that whole match-up screams "Grappling! One man laying on another!"
  • Xavier Foupa-Pokam's name will not be made fun of at any afterparties. By drunken strippers. To his face. While he secretly weeps on the inside. At the painful memories of kids in grade school making fun of him.
  • Chael Sonnen will not win.
  • Frankie Edgar and Sean Sherk will not engage in or employ any kind of wrestling or wrestling technique. Instead, they will box like 1920s style boxers with their "dukes up".

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