Despite Chael Sonnen’s impressive defeat of top contender Nate Marquardt at UFC 109, manager, translator and aspiring matchmaker Ed Soares – the English-speaking front man for UFC middleweight champ Anderson Silva – doesn’t feel the American deserves a shot at his ward’s belt. Consequently, Soares has released a list of Herculean tasks he believes Sonnen must accomplish before such a match-up occurs. The list includes:
- A rematch with Demian Maia, who previously submitted the wrestler at UFC 95.
- Fight Paulo Filho again, then Jeremy Horn, Renato “Babalu” Sobral, Terry Martin, Jeremy Horn two more times, Keiichiro Yamamiya, Forrest Griffin and Trevor Prangley. Basically, Sonnen needs to go back and avenge every loss.
- He must also confront that bully that gave him a wedgie in fifth grade.
- The Ark of the Covenant, the Spear of Destiny and the Holy Grail – find them!
- Sonnen must present to Soares Brock Lesnar’s jock strap. Which he stole from Lesnar. While Lesnar was wearing it.
- Prepare for Silva an exquisite meal of seared duck breast with shallot-Merlot reduction, roasted potatoes and steamed Brussel sprouts. The accompanying wine must be impeccably chosen.
- Face Demian Maia yet again.
- Lastly, Sonnen must swear he won’t take Silva down and pound on him. Swear it!