Last week TMZ.com broke the news that the relationship between Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson had hit a speed bump - a speed bump forged of Oxycontin pills, domestic abuse charges and a relaxing stay in one of the Huntington Beach Police Department's finest holding cells. A former UFC champ and an ex-adult film actress having relationship trouble? Unpossible! But alas, the pics of Ortiz behind bars, the press conference and Jenna's arm in a brace made it all too real. Sorry kids, but MMA fighters engage in some epic relationship disasters just like the rest of us. Here, in no particular order, is a top five list of them.
Tito Ortiz vs. Jenna Jameson: As the saying goes, "Lay down with porn stars, wake up with restraining orders" - which is exactly what Ortiz did when he had twins with Jameson, thereby signing on for the long-term plan of "crazy" and "erratic". Did he really assault her? Is she really addicted to Oxys, which he claimed in his post-pokie press conference? With yesterday's New York Daily News reporting that Jameson wants the Huntington Beach Bad Boy back, does it even matter? Heck no! Like a recurring staph infection that antibiotics just can't get rid of or a case of genital herpes caught on the set of "Debbie Does Everyone Everywhere", "Jennito" promises to be the gift that keeps on giving for as long as these star-crossed lovers share the warm embrace of passion and insanity.
Randy Couture vs. Kim Couture: Like Yoko Ono and the Beatles, Kim managed to brand herself as "that chick that made Randy ditch his wife and leave the UFC", and in the Land of People Will Hate Whomever They Want", it doesn't really matter if any of that's true or not. What does matter: that Randy resigned as the UFC's heavyweight champ, then spent nearly a year fighting the organization in court over money and contracts and blah, blah, blah. In the end, Randy lost the legal battle, returned to the Octagon, and served Kim divorce papers. It's quite possible that more people cheered over the divorce than did over "The Natural" stepping back into the cage.
Jason "Mayhem" Miller vs. ex-girlfriend: If you think Miller's nickname stems from his uncanny ability to enter a Strikeforce cage and start a riot, think again. The host of MTV's "Bully Beatdown" has been earning that nickname over and over again for years, with his 2005 beatdown of an ex-girlfriend's current beau just another installment of "How the Mayhem Turns". Although the details are somewhat fuzzy, what we do know is that the incident was a 6:00am session of "kick in the door and fight", and the cops in Hawaii charged him with burglary and assault. Ultimately, Miller was found not guilty, but the damage was done: his Hallmark Cards sponsorship was history.
Bobby Hoffman vs. newlywed wife: In 2001, Hoffman was a top-level heavyweight with a bright future, and if you had to describe him, the formula would go something like this: 40% punching power, 30% fighting ability, 20% skill and 85% crazy. In his last trip to the Octagon - at UFC 34 - Hoffman fought and lost to soon-to-be-champ Josh Barnett. He then went up to his hotel room and beat his newlywed wife, a turn of events that landed him in the slammer for a long enough period of time that his name to fans went from Bobby Hoffman to "Bobby who?"
Gina Carano vs. Kit Cope: It takes a special kind of ex-boyfriend to wait until you make it big to announce to the world that he has a sex tape featuring you, but Kit Cope - a Muay Thai champ and mid-grade MMA fighter - is one such ex-boyfriend. Carano had just turned in a gritty performance as the American Gladiator "Crush, had done well for herself on a CBS/Kimbo fight card, and had the biggest fight in female MMA history (against Cyborg Santos) looming, so of course it was the best possible time for Cope to come forward. For shame on you, Cope, for trying to capitalize on her fame. Also, for shame for not actually having a sex tape.