Bellator 25 touched down in Chicago last night, and fans who tuned in were treated to 115-pound female tournament darkhorse Zoila Frausto tossing Jessica Pene around like a rag doll, UFC vet Brad Blackburn and Dan Hornbuckle staging a real thriller on the feet, and Polish strongman Damian Grabowski somehow stealing a decision despite having zero takedown defense. It was an entertaining show… and then heavyweight Cole Konrad came in and stunk up the joint. Seriously, the dude is bad, so very, very bad, and no amount of name-dropping (“Yeah, he’s Brock Lesnar’s training partner,” “He and Brock Lesnar went to the same pre-school,” “Did you know COLE KONRAD spelled backwards is BROCK LESNAR?”) by the announcers can change that. Maybe he had success as an amateur wrestler somewhere where people care about that stuff, but in the real world he is a complete MMA show-killer. So here, without further adieu, are the top five Cole Konrad jokes.
- Molasses, drying paint and old people screwing – what do they all have in common? They watch tape of Cole Konrad to find their inspiration.
- Cole Konrad is so slow, when he walks down the sidewalk there’s a line of snails behind him shaking their fists and yelling, “Hey asshole, speed up!”
- The US Food and Drug Administration is currently approving Cole Konrad as a sleep-aid. Unfortunately, the clinical trials have stalled because the test subjects keep falling into comas.
- Cole Konrad moves so slowly, mountains brag about hiking up him.
- Cole Konrad walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get you?” Cole Konrad thinks about it, then replies, “A coke, please.” But it’s 30 years later and the bartender is dead.