- Dominic Cruz - A healthy Cruz is like a meth-crazed epileptic slathered in Vaseline, which is to say, the dude is virtually impossible to get a hold of and take down. For that trait alone, I see him being able to avoid Rousey's attempts at clinching and throwing - and if someone can do that, then they can pick her apart with strikes from a distance.
- Urijah Faber - Faber is far less slippery than Cruz, but he's fast when he needs to be, and his balance is usually on point. That said, if Faber fails to put Rousey down with some sort of stunning blow when she's coming in, I can see her pulling him down and snagging an armbar from the guard before his knees and/or her back even touch the canvas. And as for him slamming his way out of trouble... sure, he's strong enough to lift her up with ease, but have you seen how explosive she is with her hips? Dude's arm would be broken before gravity even entered the equation.
- Renan Barao - Barao's got the leg-kicks to chop Rousey down like a tree, and he seems to have great movement when it comes to circling out of trouble, so I'd say the Brazilian would be okay.
- Bryan Caraway - Not even fucking close. Caraway would be dismembered so fast, girlfriend Miesha Tate wouldn't even have time to scream out for mercy on his behalf. He needs to start making Rousey some sammiches stat, and stay on her good side by any means necessary.
- Takeya Mizugaki - Mizugaki hasn't looked good in a long time, and meeting Rousey in the cage would do his career no favors. Homeboy would be flying back to Japan in coach and his arm would be in a cooler full of ice in the cargo hold, with both waiting patiently for a doctor in Tokyo to reunite them.
- Miguel Torres - With mullet? I see Torres keeping his distance and out-pointing Rousey with long-range strikes. Without mullet - doomed.
- Dustin Pague - Not even Jesus could save Pague from the eternal damnation the Strikeforce champ would cast him into.
- "Kid" Yamamoto - Considering his prime was years ago, I envision Yamamoto getting major play from Joe Rogan on the mic up until the point where his arm is snapped in half, and then I see Kid committing ritual seppuku in the Octagon while Gene Lebell stands behind him with a katana to finish the job.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Ronda Rousey vs. The UFC's Bantamweight Dude Roster
They say that, despite being in her prime, female pro boxer Laila Ali would still get her ass kicked pretty easily when sparring with even just mediocre journeyman fighters in the gym. And why not? When it comes down to it, men and women are physically different, and as such, never the twain should meet when it comes to the world of combat sports. But MMA isn't boxing, or plain old wrestling, or any other pure flavor of martial art. It's all of them put together, and the beauty of that subsequent stew of styles means that sometimes superior technique can win out over superior physical ability. (Don't believe me? Then check out Royce Gracie circa UFC 1-5.) All of this is simply just a long way of saying that Strikeforce female bantamweight champ Ronda Rousey - who, at present, is untouchable by any other female fighter on the planet - could wreck a fair number of her 135-pound male counterparts in the UFC. Who could she beat? And who could retain their dignity and beat her if, by some perverse act of fate, they met in the cage? Hey, glad you asked.