Anderson Silva and Roy Jones Jr. Agree to Tantalize and Torment Fans Interested in Match-Up

UFC middleweight demigod Anderson Silva and boxing legend Roy Jones Jr. have agreed to relentlessly tantalize and torment fans interested in a match-up between the two, according to a report issued today by the Internet. Silva and Jones have proposed to dangle the idea of their meeting in the Octagon before fight-hungry fans indefinitely, and have even gone so far as to agree to facing each other under MMA rules - despite assurances from UFC Chief Scrooge Dana White that the bout would never happen. "I'd rather let another organization have Roy Jones Jr.," said White. "The UFC isn't about making money or pleasing fans. We'll leave that to someone else." Meanwhile, Strikeforce honcho Scott Coker released a statement, emphatically crying out "Oooh! Me! Me! Me!"

Scott Coker Explains Strikeforce's Payouts

The California State Athletic Commission released the official payouts for Strikeforce's "Shamrock vs. Diaz" magnum opus at the HP Pavilion in San Jose last weekend, and the numbers have managed to raise more than a few eyebrows. MMA Journalist contacted Strikeforce High Priest Scott Coker for an explanation on some of the purses and the veteran promoter was more than forthcoming with his responses.

• On Frank Shamrock receiving $369,790: "Frank is a pioneer and a legend in the sport. However, his best days are behind him and now he fights because he needs the money. So really, we're giving him the money so we hopefully don't have to see him fight much more. Boy, did his performance the other night suck or what?"
• On Nick Diaz receiving only $39,950 for defeating Shamrock: "Actually, that's the amount of cash Nick was paid. He was also given a bale of marijuana, which was part of his contract. He's pretty happy."
• On Cris "Cyborg" Santos getting paid $18,000 while Hitomi Akano only made $1,450: "They were paid by the pound."
• On Shingo Kohara and Jeremy Tavares making only $940 each: "Dude, do you even know who they are? I still don't, and they fought on my show!"

MMA Journalist Exclusive: Scott Coker to Set Up Animal vs. Animal Fights

In an exclusive imaginary interview with MMA Journalist, Strikeforce Grandmaster Scott Coker, the man behind the promotion's leap to Showtime and CBS, has revealed that he intends to set up animal vs. animal bouts in addition to regular MMA bouts. An idea once pushed by UFC matchmaker Joe Silva, animal vs. animal bouts have gained little traction among athletic commissions and animal rights organizations. But the fan interest is there - a fact that Coker hopes to exploit to satisfy Strikeforce's suddenly daunting event schedule. Here's an excerpt from that shocking imaginary interview:

• Okay, you have a ton of fighters on your roster now that you acquired all those ProElite contracts but you have quite a few events on your plate for both Showtime and CBS. Are you worried about being able to put together enough fights people want to see? No. I was at first. But then I was staring out my window and saw my dog - a cute, little Yorkshire Terrier - getting attacked by a bald eagle in my backyard. And it hit me: why not do animal against animal bouts, too?
• Uh, animal against animal? Yeah, man. I mean, I remember talking to Joe Silva about it once. We were speculating on who would win if a lion fought an alligator or if a gorilla fought a rhinoceros, and he was saying that he'd tried to push that idea past the powers that be so the UFC could do those bouts. It never materialized, obviously, but why can't Strikeforce run with the idea?
• I don't know... laws, maybe? Yeah, that was my initial thought. However, when I went out to my backyard, and that bald eagle was tearing apart my little Yorkie and I was trying to swat it with a shovel, I realized that the only legal issue that would arise would be if we used an endangered species.
• Okay, but what about things like the carcass left behind once a match is finished? That's probably not something people want to see. No, you're right about that. No one wants to see a combatant fallen on the battlefield. But, going back to that bald eagle incident, when the thing retreated to a branch and stared down at me and my poor dog, that's when I realized that Mother Nature takes care of those things - if you let her. See, that's why, when Strikeforce does an animal vs. animal bout on Showtime or CBS, we're going to let the winner eat the loser. The problem about having a dead body left behind is solved.
• Very interesting. So... how is your dog? Oh, I let the eagle have him.
• Nice. Well, thanks for your time, Mr. Coker. And good luck. Thanks.