Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
A Collection of News Haiku
So much news, so little time. But fear not, as MMA Journalist has condensed current events into easily-digestible Japanese poem form!
- Jay Hieron signs with / Bellator. Wait, what? You mean / Jay Hieron still fights?
- Josh Gross leaves S.I. / for ESPN. Guess what? / Dana White still hates him.
- Machida trained with / Steven Seagal. Won’t help, though. / Rampage has A-Team.
- Roy Nelson’s career / is on hold. Something about / new McRib, I bet.
- Strikeforce cut Roxy. / That’s fine, though. There will always / be a Moosin show.
- Dana, I’m still a / bit fuzzy re: you and Gross. / Dana White: “I hate him!”
Monday, November 15, 2010
Observations from My Couch: UFC 122 "Ultimate Scrubs"
- Do you think the folks at SpikeTV even realize they’re getting the scrubs and B-team fighters for their shows? Do you think they even care?
- Anytime an old schooler like Duane “Bang” Ludwig gets a win is “feel good” time. Man, did he wreck Shad Smith in King of the Cage or what?
- Seth Petruzelli: getting smashed by Eastern European wrestlers so you don’t have to.
- The Krzystof Soszynski vs. Goran Reljic would have been more interesting if Skrjweatyut Ekatriwqoesm,xzy was the referee.
- I was almost impressed when Kris McCray started out-grappling Carlos Rocha. But then he got subbed.
- How many softballs is Amir Sadollah going to get tossed before he starts looking impressive? My guess is about twenty.
- Dennis Siver smoked Andre Winner, Winner wasn’t the winner, blah, blah, blah. There’s nothing witty to say about that fight without sounding like a hack.
- I don’t know what sucks more: Nate Marquardt’s uneven performances in the Octagon or the fact that Yushin Okami is going to try to dry hump the winner of Anderson Silva vs. Vitor Belfort and make little Japanese/Brazilian babies.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Liveblog: MMA World Expo
MMA Journalist is here at the MMA World Expo, which is taking place in the cavernous the Javitz Center on the west side of Manhattan. Sadly, I got here too early to witness the throngs of salivating MMA fandom crowding every square inch of booth, mat and ring. But there are a ton of vendors here, including Sadistic Athletics (they're selling clothes), the Fight Nerd (he's selling smooches), and a plethora of jiu-jitsu and MMA schools (they're all selling staph). In terms of fighters dishing out autographs, Dan and Jim Miller and Fabricio Werdum are on tap tonight, while Jon Jones, Carlos Condit and Tom Galliccio are scheduled for tomorrow. Right at this hot moment I'm sitting in the audience for an Eddie Goldman-moderated panel discussion on "The Past, Present and Future of MMA". There about ten of us listening raptly to Goldman wax poetic on how you can't trust the man, so, yeah, woot.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
The "MMA in New York" Press Conference in a Nutshell
"We don't know anything but let's meet once a month and figure out the answers." Host Keith Creed, I applaud your effort.
Mitch the Intern's TUF 12 Recap: Episode 9
*Editor's note: Mitch the Intern is an NYU undergrad whose favorite Wednesday night pastime includes the TV in his dorm room, a green beanbag chair and two hits of acid. Enjoy.*
The quarterfinal match-ups are upon us, and by now, after so many weeks in the TUF House and so many training sessions and so many fights, everyone knows everything about everyone else. For instance, it's no secret Dr. Watson likes to solve crimes. And all are well aware that Jeremiah Johnson Lentz is running a meth lab in the backroom of the TUF Gym and that Andy My Main Man is a part-time pimp. Also not a secret: Jonathan is some kind of non-human creature (a white-ish Na'vi?) who favors the rear naked choke, and Armenians are a sucker for a good rear naked choke.
Which is problematic for Armenian Fighter Wannabe #34, who must face Jonathan in unarmed combat.
"Bro, don't let that alien thing choke you out," says teammate and ethnic brethren the Armenian Wonder.
"That's sound advice," says coach Josh Kosh B'Gosh later on. "Seriously, just avoid giving up your back altogether. In fact, if you can somehow keep your back pressed up against the cage - like, immediately, the second the referee says "go" - you should be able to stay out of trouble."
Jonathan, meanwhile, likes to sit out in the yard and commune with nature. Or stay away from humans. Who knows.
"Everyone in the house thinks they're in the UFC," he says, his tail twitching behind him. "But we're not. They are on Terra, which is what you homo sapiens call Earth."
It's almost fight time, but before then, we're treated to Georges St. What The Heck Is He Saying? talking about either a) new coaching methodologies; b) giraffes; c) gibberish and how it's an effective way of speaking. Either way, we get to see him dance around, gesticulate like a lunatic and maul English words like a rabid pitbull that chomps on Schoolhouse Rock cartoon characters. At this stage in the game, you can't hold it against the Canadian for subjecting us to his incoherent diatribes. You can only resent the SpikeTV execs for putting the man before the camera in the first place.
And then Armenian Fighter Wannabe #34 and Jonathan are in the Octagon mixing it up. Actually, they're not mixing up so much as they're re-enacting Jonathan's other TUF 12 bout with the Armenian Wonder. Takedown, back-control, rear naked choke, tap. Seriously, when it comes to falling for that submission, it has to be a genetic predisposition or something.
Next up, Banh Mi versus Spuds McKenzie - a match-up that pits a laid-back and kindly Vietnamese kid who used to sell Ecstasy against a weird dude who talks like he's mentally disabled. Spuds McKenzie has won 50 or so fights via guillotine (including one over Marky-Marc), so like with Armenian Fighter Wannabe #34, the advice just keeps rolling in.
"Don't let him guillotine you," says coach Josh Kosh B'Gosh to Banh Mi.
Banh Mi nods.
"Guillotine. Don't let him," says teammate Jethro Lentz.
Banh Mi nods.
"For 40 dollars, I can get you a lady who will let you guillotine her," says Andy My Main Man. "For 80, you can heelhook her."
Banh Mi wrinkles his brow, perhaps considering the offer.
Later, in the TUF House kitchen, Banh Mi and Spuds McKenzie are talking, cordially discussing things like how they usually fight and how they win.
"I usually win via guillotine," says Spuds McKenzie.
"Really?" says Banh Mi. "I think I might have heard something about that."
And bang, it's fight time again. Spuds McKenzie does not go for the guillotine, as at no time does Banh Mi duck his head and shoot for a takedown; instead, the taller fighter presses the Vietnamese kid against the fence and punishes him. Though widely renown as an inferior fighter, Spuds McKenzie takes the round. However, all those quick wins via submission did his cardio no favors, and he has nothing in his tank for Round 2. Banh Mi promptly punches him in the gut and TKOs him.
Afterwards, Spuds McKenzie is despondent about tasting loss for the first time in his career.
Coach Josh Kosh B'Gosh, though, is stoked. Like, ticker tape parade-level stoked. Like, jumping around the cage banging a tambourine-level stoked. In other words, he's happy.
Fade to black.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
"MMA in NYC" Press Conference on Thursday Night
Friday and Saturday may be jam-packed with MMA World Expo lovin', but on Thursday night there's an "MMA in NYC" press conference being held on the Upper West Side. The venue is the Underground Lounge, which is at 955 West End Avenue (i.e., Broadway and 107th Street), the time is 6:30pm, and Keith Creed is the host. Says the 1800Whoopass website: "Join Keith Creed as he outlines the game plan and ignites the march towards making Mixed Martial Arts legal in New York". Hey, when I come across two homeless men fighting over discarded underwear in the park I liveblog about it, so there's no reason I shouldn't go to this, right? Besides, I am automatically drawn to anything involving the word "underground".
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
MMA World Expo to Feature Everything But MMA
The second annual MMA World Expo is this Friday and Saturday at the Javitz Center in Manhattan, and like last year, it promises a wealth of fight-related goodness. There's a ton of fighters scheduled to appear, there are seminars and demos on tap, there's a panel discussion ("The Past, Present and Future of Mixed Martial Arts"), and there will be a wide selection of retailers in row after row of booths. There's even a grappling tournament and a Muay Thai tournament scheduled. What's missing? Mixed martial arts fights, obviously, and you can blame the folks up in Albany for that. Yeah, yeah, MMA needs to be sanctioned, blah, blah, blah. You've heard it all before. The bottom line is there's a worthwhile MMA expo in New York City this weekend - don't hold anything against it for not having MMA bouts. I swear, it's not its fault.
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