TUF 12 Contestants of Relevance

Three things in life are inevitable: death, taxes and the Ultimate Fighter.  That last one is soon approaching, and with it comes all the usual promises of in-the-cage battles and in-house wall- and furniture destruction.  By now, we all know the formula the SpikeTV execs like to adhere to – the Pride veteran/IFL champ/dude-with-800-fights ringer plus the total scrub with one amateur fight plus the thug/clown/autistic person plus everyone in between – so really, the only fresh components are the names.  Well, SpikeTV has just released the names of TUF 12’s contestants, and for those who follow the Northeast MMA scene, three of them should ring a bell.  They are…

• Andy Main – A 145 pounder from AMA Fight Club, Main has long been a promising young stud with heavy hands and a concise submission skills.  He rocked out in New Jersey’s amateur leagues before going pro, and his most notable scrap was when he went toe to toe against Fight Factory boxing trainer Ricky Lee and, after getting dazed, KO’d Lee late in the first.  The only knock against Main going into TUF 12 is he’s a featherweight who will be going up against bigger dudes.
• Jeff Lentz – Another hard striker and capable jiu-jitsu guy, Lentz went 8-1 as an amateur before going pro, and then crushed six opponents before Anthony Morrison handed him his first pro loss (the two were fighting for the ROC 145-pound title, and afterwards Morrison went on to the WEC).  He trains with the boys down at Kurt Pellegrino’s school, so count on three things from Lentz: he can kick ass, he can kick ass, and he can kick ass.
• Marc Stevens – As a tough wrestler with solid submissions and a ton of heart, Stevens won ROC’s Tournament of Champions at middleweight (!) back in 2007.  He’s since redefined himself by cutting a ton of a weight and fighting two weight classes down – a fact that should give him a size and strength advantage over the rest of the TUF 12 lightweights.

The Greatest Collection of Chael Sonnen Quotes of All Time

He is either a genius when it comes to public relations and hyping a fight, or he’s a certifiable whacko.  That’s right, I’m talking about Chael Sonnen, who’s managed to claw his way up the middleweight rankings to earn a shot at champ Anderson Silva at this weekend’s UFC 117, all while spewing enough xenophobic vitriol to make their impending bout pretty damn compelling.  But is Sonnen just a straight-shooter?  A male Sarah Palin who makes his living with fists instead of votes?  Or are his words carefully chosen to inflame?  Read this hearty collection of some of Sonnen’s best quotes and decide for yourself!

• “Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your home on the wedding day of your daughter.  And may their first child be a masculine child.”
• “Okay, let me tell you what ‘Like a Virgin’ is about.  It’s all about this cooze who’s a regular %$&@ machine.”
• “Jabba, this is your last chance.  Free us, or die.”
• “A census taker once tried to test me.  I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.”
• “In three years, Cyberdyne will become the largest supplier of military computer systems.  All stealth bombers are upgraded with Cyberdyne computers, becoming fully unmanned.  Afterwards, they fly with a perfect operational record.  The Skynet Funding Bill is passed.  The system goes online on August 4^th, 1997.  Human decisions are removed from strategic defense.  Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate.  It becomes self-aware at 2:14 AM, Eastern Time, August 29^th.  In a panic, they try to pull the plug.”
• “Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!”
• “I am the Keymaster to Gozer the Traveler.  He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms.  During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the Traveler came as a large and moving Torg!  Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor!  Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!”
• “That’s right.  I’ve killed women and children.  I’ve killed just about everything that walks or crawled at one time or another.  And I’m here to kill you, Little Bill, for what you did to Ned.”

Observations From My Couch: "Ultimate Pride Never Die!"

• I didn’t care if Takanori Gomi won or lost going into that fight, but damn was it nice to see such a sweet KO.  I hope Gomi keeps knocking them out of the park.
• Why the hell was Tyson Griffin bitching about that stoppage?  Gomi was about six seconds away from removing his shorts and sodomizing him, and the only one capable of preventing that was the referee.
• Jake Ellenberger and John Howard had a pretty decent OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT HORRIFYING EYE!
• Charles Oliveira is smoov.  Smoov like butta.
• Apparently, losing to Chael Sonnen was the best thing that could’ve happened to Yushin Okami.  The dude is exciting now.
• I wouldn’t call what Jon Jones did to Vladimir Matyushenko “domination” as much as I’d call it “one man completely owning another man in such dramatic fashion that Vladdy must now address Jones as ‘Sir’ or ‘Master’.”

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Talk About Your Unstoppable Alliances

From a source within the Tiger Schulmann MMA organization: "The Tiger Schulmann training facility hosted Pellegrino MMA today. The room was packed with fighters from both teams under the coaching of Danny "Tiger" Schulmann and Kurt "Batman" Pellegrino. Upcoming stars included Greg Soto, Lyman Good, Uriah Hall, Jeff Lentz, Nick Pace, Kevin Roddy, Steve Deangelis, Louis Gaudinot and Jimmie Rivera. The teams will begin training together two times each week and hopefully it will progress to a larger relationship in the future. The teams have agreed not to fight one another in future events." To put it in layman terms, this is like American Kickboxing Academy joining forces with Xtreme Couture or Team Greg Jackson joining up with Team Quest. Yikes!

Predictions for UFC on Versus 2: "Ultimate Wrestler Festival"

Boy, it’s been so long since we had an installment of UFC that this Sunday’s UFC on Versus 2: “Jones vs. Matyushenko” seems like more of a treat than it really should be.  I mean, the damn thing is packed to the gills with guys who at some point in their lives donned a wrestling singlet and got lectured about staph infections and showering with soap.  Seriously, is Joe Silva getting paid under the table by the United Wrestlers Union?  Anyhoo, predictions!

• Once upon a time, Takanori Gomi crapped awesomeness and bled cool.  Now he’s just crappy and bleeds.  Tyson Griffin is going to smoosh him.
• John Howard can punch really hard, as can Jake Ellenberger.  As they can both wrestler as well, expect one of them to win by omoplata.  Or something.  I don’t know.
• Mark Munoz barely made it past Kendall Grove in his last fight, and Grove is no where near the fighter Yushin Okami is.  Can you see where I’m going with this?  That’s right.  Referee Big John McCarthy via TKO.
• Man, that Vladimir Matyushenko was totally killer in that fight he had years ago against whoever.  Too bad he has to fight contemporary rising star Jon Jones now and not back when Jones was still in junior high school.
• Jones via spinning back-spleen-kick/toehold combo.

From the Department of Little Coincidences

Eric Uresk is flying out to California to help BJ Penn train for his rematch against Frankie Edgar at UFC 118.  The interesting thing about that is that Edgar handed Uresk his first MMA loss, which was at an Underground Combat League event back in July, 2005 (Edgar's first fight, and Uresk's second).  Since then, Edgar went on to win the UFC belt (duh), while Uresk - himself a solid Greco-Roman wrestler from Long Island - fought a number of times in New Jersey and out west.  Uresk even trained at Xtreme Couture for a bit, and was one of Dana White's favorites at the TUF tryouts in New York City (along with Eddie Alvarez, Uresk was for some mysterious reason passed over).  "[Penn's camp] contacted me out of nowhere," says Uresk, who sports some of the gnarliest cauliflower ears on the planet - a sure sign that the dude was invited to train with Penn because he's similar to Edgar in both size and wrestling-heavy style.

Observations from My Couch: Strikeforce Challengers' "Kaufman Smash!"

• Caros Fodor and Ousmane Thomas Diagne: two fighters you never heard of, and will never hear from again.
• How can you dislike a guy named “Abongo”?  He’s like a character from an Edgar Rice Burroughs novel.
• Mike Kyle may be a solid fighter, but he’s still the douchebag who kicked Brian Olsen in the face when he was down.  Therefore, I refuse to give Kyle any props until Olsen gets to kick him in the grill in return.
• Cory Devela vs. Bobby Voelker was close.  So close, in fact, that Devela and Voelker are now legally married in Massachusetts, Hawaii and Vermont.
• Roxanne Modafferi is top-notch competition, and by putting her away with a slam, Sarah Kaufman has proven herself to be the most dangerous 135-pound chick out there.  Now I’m curious to see how she’d do against Cyborg…
• Months ago I did not know nor care about Shane del Rosario.  But credit Strikeforce for bringing this cat along right, because I sure as hell know and care now.

Strikeforce Grabs Women's MMA By the Balls

Strikeforce has just announced that they'll be holding a one-night, four-person tournament in their 135-pound female division for their August 13th event.  That's right, a four-person tournament, and it's stocked with notables like submission studdettes Miesha Tate and Hitomi Akano and fiesty Brazilian Carina Damm (Finnish fighter Maiju Kujala rounds out the brackets, but I know nothing about her).  In terms of excitement, this is great news, and in terms of making women's MMA something worth caring about, this is a big freakin' deal.  Everyone knows Gina Carano and Cris Cyborg, but there's a lot more to the sport than those two ladies, and with Roxy and Sarah Kaufman fighting on Friday, Marloes Coenen getting the winner, and the tournament winner getting the title shot after that… well, that's a lot of storyline created right before our eyes.  BodogFIGHT did a decent job of making us give a crap about female MMA, but Strikeforce's upcoming bouts and tournament are practically reaching into our colons and taking the crap from us.  And I mean that in a good way.

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Sarah Kaufman vs. Roxanne Modafferi: The Most Meaningful Female MMA Bout All Year

Thus far in 2010 we've witnessed 145-pound Strikeforce champ Cris "Cyborg" Santos wreck an inferior fighter and utterly destroy someone who had no business being in the same cage.  We've also seen Zoila Frausto unseat top-ranked 125 pounder Rosi Sexton in Bellator, and in one of the few serious bouts on that goofy Moosin card we saw Roxanne Modafferi avenge a 2006 loss to Tara LaRosa with a razor-thin split decision.  But only now, in August, are we getting a female MMA bout with some real meaningfulness.  That's right, I'm talking about Roxy squaring off against Strikeforce 135-pound champ Sarah Kaufman on Friday's Strikeforce Challengers event on Showtime.  For unlike the rest of 2010's offerings, a champ is facing a legitimate challenger - a challenger who belongs in that same weight class and who isn't foolishly fighting up - and when you compare them side by side, it's clear you've got a compelling pairing.  Roxy can throw and take a punch, can play the submission game as well as any of them, and has got a wealth of experience fighting the best.  Kaufman, meanwhile, has got the best hands in her division and has never tasted defeat.  In other words, these ladies are very capable of kicking each other's asses - a fact that goes a long way in making this one worth watching.  Sure, Bellator's upcoming eight-person, 115-pound female tournament is going to rock, as will whatever tournament Strikeforce is putting together.  But this Friday we're getting Roxy against Kaufman, and it's the first meaningful female fight of 2010.

From the Department of Corrections

That Dan Severn seminar slated for Ultimate Karate USA's school in Spanish Harlem tonight is now a Phillippe Nover seminar.  The address is 1950 Third Avenue.  Scheduled topics will include "Punching People in the Face Real Hard 101" and "Eating Balut (a Filipino delicacy of cooked duck fetus)".

Take On Muay Thai Tournament Postscript

Sitan's Omar Ahmed is the man, Bellmore Kickboxing's Terence Hill is beastly with his hands, and of course nothing beats a one-night eight-man tournament in terms of building excitement.  Eleven decisions out of 12 fights was brutal, but unless you have mismatches, there's nothing you can really do about that.  Overall, it was a great event with some very talented Muay Thai fighters.

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