Brock Lesnar Tests Positive for Gamma Rays

Hot on the heels of Brock Lesnar's dramatic UFC 91 TKO victory over Randy Couture comes news that the freshly-minted champ has failed his post-fight drug screening, with the 275-pound former WWE star testing positive for gamma rays. "According to state guidelines, a fighter is tested for gamma rays, cosmic rays, radioactive spider venom, and midi-chlorians," says Nevada State Athletic Commission Maestro Keith Kizer. "Lesnar's urinalysis revealed that he has an exceedingly high-level of gamma rays in him. That's a clear violation." No word yet on what this may mean for belt, but the new champ issued this statement: "Grrrr. Lesnar smash."