Showtime to Sell EliteXC Fighters as Slaves

The cable network Showtime, which held significant financial interests in EliteXC at the time of the promotion's collapse, announced this week that it was auctioning off whatever EliteXC assets are available to repay the failed company's debt - and much to the chagrin of Robbie Lawler, Jake Shields and civil rights lawyers alike, those assets will include EliteXC's stable of contracted fighters. "I just got a call from Matt Hughes," said Monte Cox, who manages middleweight champ Lawler. "He was hysterical. Apparently they took Robbie away in shackles. Hey, I'm no legal expert, but this is clearly a violation of the Constitution's Thirteenth Amendment!" Added Shields' manager Cesar Gracie: "Yeah man. They already sold Jake to some Arab sheik. I think he's in the Middle East now waving a giant palm frond as the sultan's personal fan." It's unclear at this time if Showtime's actions will withstand a legal challenge, but as of this writing, other EliteXC fighters have gone into hiding. Stay tuned for more.

Lyman Good Would Still Kill Jake Shields

EliteXC 170-pound champ Jake Shields had no problems controlling top UK welterweight Paul Daley on the ground at this past weekend's "Heat" event, but one thing was painfully obvious from cageside (and maybe pretty obvious watching on TV): Shields has crappy stand-up. From his ineffectual strikes to his poor wrestling to his apparent lack of confidence forcing him to shoot from halfway across the cage, a few things can be deduced - such as, he's a knockout waiting to happen. Or, that the first person with a great sprawl is going to give him fits. Or, that Lyman Good - who had signed with the organization last month but has yet to have a fight materialize - would kill him. Yes, Shields is an extremely skilled and talented grappler who has taken out some tough competition in the form of Renato Verissimo and Nick Thompson. But up close, the chinks in his armor are visible. It's just a matter of time before someone exploits them.

EliteXC "Heat" Liveblog 8

• Jakes Shields taps out Paul Daley. The entire venue lets out a collective "meh".
• The Kimbo Slice hype is reaching a fever pitch. People be swooning at his entrance.
• Seth Petruzelli wrecks Kimbo in 14 seconds. Things have just gotten ugly, with the crowd crying out that this is a travesty. Or something. This is the first time press row has ever been showered with trash.
• And... I'm spent.

Scenes From an EliteXC Weigh-In

Yeah, so, Gina Carano had to get naked to make weight, Ken Shamrock and Kimbo Slice tussled, and Paul Daley got in Jake Shields' face. Just your standard weigh-in affair.

Dear EliteXC: Please Don't Die

Dear EliteXC: Please don't die. When I heard that you'd cancelled your September 20th Showtime event, and that you bailed on a Cage Rage Contenders in the UK, my heart sank. You were the first promotion to make it to network television. You got people everywhere talking about Kimbo Slice and Gina Carano and, more importantly, MMA in general. You gave athletes like Robbie Lawler, Scott Smith, Jake Shields, Nick Thompson and others a chance to let the world know that they're top-tier fighters. And last but not least, you gave us an alternative to the UFC's brand of pugilistic product. Look, I know profitability seems elusive, and that the crowded MMA market can at times be cutthroat and resource-draining. But Rome wasn't built in a day. Just hang in there. When clothing stores start stocking EliteXC T-shirts and CBS and Showtime renew their contracts in far more favorable terms, it will all pay off in the end.

Observations from My Couch: EliteXC "Unfinished Business"

- At "Unfinished Business", EliteXC listened to the hardcore MMA fans and put together a show that definitely pleased them all. According to preliminary ratings reports, however, no one but hardcore fans watched the damn thing. - Cris Cyborg, Wanderlei Silva's transexual brother, looked scary beating down Shayna Baszler. Can Gina Carano save us from her brand of Brazilian lovin'? - Jake Shields made it look easy. Yes, it does indeed say "Bad Motherfucker" on his wallet. - Thomas Denny was an excellent human punching bag for Nick Diaz. But for all his faults, the "Wildman" sure did show a ton of heart. Bravo, man. Bravo. - With heavy hands, a well-rounded game and legitimate credentials, Robbie Lawler is everything EliteXC could want in a middleweight champ. I bet the UFC regrets his departure now, eh?

Thomas Denny Out to Prove that All You Need to Fight on Network TV is Interesting Hair

Apparently all you need to earn a fight on network television is interesting hair. Don't believe me? Just ask perpetual journeyman Thomas "Wildman" Denny, a regional West Coast fighter who's fought and lost to some of the best while touting a curious array of hairstyles. On Saturday night, EliteXC returns to CBS with "Unfinished Business", a sophomore effort that will feature Robbie Lawler rematching with Scott Smith, Shayna Baszler spine-locking Cristiane Cyborg, and Jake Shields and Nick Thompson exchanging grooming tips in the cage. But the real star of the evening will be Denny's ever-changing locks when he takes on stoner Nick Diaz. Will the Wildman rock the cornrows? Will he go the multicolored route? Or will the mid-level fighter with the on-staff hairdresser throw down whilst sporting a pompadour, mohawk or bouffant? Only time will tell. But on Saturday night you can count on two things: Denny will lose, and his hair will be spectacular.