Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Chael Sonnen Admits to Being Member of Al Qaeda; UFC Suspends Him

Erstwhile middleweight contender Chael Sonnen, who came close to taking champ Anderson Silva's belt then found his career stymied by steroid allegations, has now found himself in a new predicament - this one centering around his recent admission to being an active member of the global terrorist organization Al Qaeda. According to a statement issued by the Portland field office of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Sonnen recently confessed to extremist ties when answering charges of sedition and treason. The allegations levied against the top 185-pound fighter included:
  • Being a co-founder of WikiLeaks
  • Plotting to blow up the American Embassy in Narnia
  • Unsupervised Twitter posts
  • Lack of puberty
  • Squandering his immense fan base and momentum

Upon news of Sonnen's Al Qaeda admission, the UFC promptly suspended the middleweight fighter, striking him from a scheduled UFC 128 bout. Said Dana White, "Look, busted for steroids - no problem. Driving while intoxicated - no problem. High-speed police chase - no problem. But being a terrorist? Sorry, we have to draw the line somewhere."

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