From the Mailbag: "Dude, are you for real?"

"Dude, are you for real? Some of the things I read on your blog are way out there. You have some cool bits about the history of MMA and underground shows and stuff, but most of the time I can't tell if you're joking or not. Are we supposed to take you seriously or what?" -SanJoseUFCfan1968 Thanks for the email, SanJoseUFCfan1968. Yes, MMAJournalist is real. Your Internet browser took you to an actual webpage, didn't it? Geez. Listen, if you're looking for news, go to FiveOuncesOfPain.com, Sherdog.com, MMAPayout.com or FightOpinion.com - that's where I go when I want up-to-date info. But if you want a different perspective on the sport, a perspective rife with sarcasm and wit, well... you're screwed. So you might as well keep coming here.

Only One Winner in the Escalating War Between Promotions

In the old days, when Abraham Lincoln was president and getting eaten by a dinosaur was a very real threat, the UFC was the only game in town offering up MMA to fight-hungry consumers. My how times have changed. Case in point: the star-studded July 19th Affliction card on pay-per-view. Sherdog reported yesterday that the UFC might be putting together serious counter-programming on SpikeTV to combat Affliction's "Banned" debut, with Wanderlei Silva one of names thrown into the mix. Is this a dirty tactic on the UFC's part? Or is it just a smart business move? A free UFC on SpikeTV will undoubtebly sink Affliction's PPV buy rates, and maybe inflict a mortal wound on the fledgling promotion, but one thing is clear in this escalating war: the fans are going to win. Yes, in terms of having more MMA on TV, the fans are going to win big.

CBS Wants EliteXC to Cobble Together Another Show in Six Weeks - Who Should Fight?

Hungry to capitalize on the mojo created by "Saturday Night Fights", EliteXC's masters at CBS want another primetime brouhaha despite EliteXC's expressed desire to push their network TV return back (in an effort to allow Kimbo, Carano, et al. some time to recover). But what CBS wants, CBS must get. Logistical issues aside, who could EliteXC field that would make for some good TV-worthy combat on just six weeks notice? The following is a list of potential ass-kickers for the July 26th show. Yes, they're exciting. No, they're not all the best. Not yet at least. 1. Matt Makowski, a welterweight striker who's young, hungry, and on the rise. 2. Wilson Reis, a featherweight jiu-jitsu machine. "Fast-paced" is his middle name. 3. Chris Liguori, a well-rounded lightweight capable of ending things on the feet or on the ground. 4. Steve DeAngelis, a well-rounded featherweight sprawl-and-brawler. 5. Jim Miller, an IFL fighter, grappler extraordinaire and the best 155-pounder in the Northeast. 6. Doug Gordon, a 170-pounder who can submit people or knock them the fuck out (see Gordon's fight against Gregor Gracie). 7. Tom Gallicchio, a welterweight ground-and-pounder. 8. Lyman Good, a bad, bad, bad dude with serious striking skills and serious grappling skills. 9. Dan Miller, a submission specialist and IFL middleweight title holder. 10. Josh Key, an extremely strong well-rounded lightweight who fought and won on BET's Iron Ring. This list is by no means a complete one, but it's a good start. With the Robbie Lawler/Scott Smith rematch headlining the card, any of these fighters are scrappy enough to fit right in.

Observations from My Couch: EliteXC "Return of the King"

-Rafael Feijao and Dave Herman have looked very impressive in the cage thus far, taking out their opponents with violence and fury. Too bad I still have no idea who they are. -Tony Bonello is apparently that little guy who gets drunk at parties and picks fights with the biggest, baddest people he can find. Murilo "Ninja" Rua hates parties. -Nick Diaz ain't no bitch. He ain't no weight-cutter, either. -KJ Noons defeated Yves Edwards faster than you can say "champion slowly but surely legitimizing the depth of talent in EliteXC's relatively new roster with wins over quality opponents".

Trump Not the Only Billionaire Getting into MMA

With the recent news that business magnate Donald Trump is an equity partner in the new Affliction promotion, MMA Journalist has learned that other well-known billionaires are considering taking the MMA plunge. Among those joining Trump are: -Apple co-founder Steve Jobs, who is expected to unveil his Martial Arts Combat (a.k.a. "Mac") organization this summer. Competitors will alegedly fight in the "iCage" for stock options. -Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, who is starting a promotion for the lighter, nerdier weight-classes. His fighters will allegedly be incompatible with Job's Mac organization and more prone to viruses. -Media mogul Oprah Winfrey, who will promote a female-orientated league geared towards women above the age of 40, as well as a monthly "Oprah's Fighter Club". Stay tuned for more.

Hey Kids, Want to Watch an MMA Promotion Die?

Observe, if you will, the death throes of the International Fight League. Beleaguered for its contrived teams and hemorrhaging money thanks to a faulty business model, the once-promising place where B-level fighters could get national exposure is now barely clinging to life. A press release from the promotion disseminated today reads, "International Fight League decides against August 15 event in New Jersey; organization working on financial situation". That says it all right there. And if you were a fan of MMA fights, or one of the many employees cut from their staff in recent months, well... you have MMA Journalist's deepest sympathies.

Overweight Alves Strikes Blow for Fat People Everywhere

Corpulent Brazilian Thiago Alves defeated welterweight superstar Matt Hughes via TKO at Saturday's UFC 85 in London - a win made all the more impressive by that fact that Alves failed to make the 170-pound weight limit. Utilizing his paunch and an effective sprawl to counter Hughes' takedowns, Alves established dominance early, and with his flab and striking had his opponent on the ropes in the second round. Says Humphrey Gordo of the National Fatty Association, "We're very proud of Thiago. Not only did he defeat one of the legends of the sport, he did so in the cage and not at the buffet. *Chewing sounds* Say, are you going to eat those french fries?"

Underwhelming UFC 85 Lacks Hair Power

After an historic last weekend, which saw the EliteXC/CBS "Saturday Night Fights" network TV debut and an awe-inspiring WEC on the Versus channel, comes an underwhelming UFC 85 at the O2 Arena in London. Originally featuring Chuck Liddell against Rashad "Afroman" Evans, "Bedlam" had a ton of hair-power when first announced. But an extraordinary number of injuries and bald-headed replacements has made this UK UFC installment a lacklaster one - moreso thanks to Kimbo's beard, Urijah Faber's cornrows, Brett Rogers and Jens Pulver's mohawks, Joey Villasenor's lone forehead curl and Miguel Torres' Mexi-mullet. Who on tomorrow's Matt Hughes/Thiago Alves-headlined card will provide more than a short-buzzed fuzz? Who will captivate fans with their long, flowing locks? Sadly, Bedlam has no one.

Referee Dan Miragliotta Under Fire for Role in Baby Fighting Ring

New Jersey referee Dan Miragliotta, the third man in the cage for the Kimbo Slice/James Thompson fight on CBS and a veteran official for UFCs, IFLs and a multitude of Garden State events, came under fire this weekend when it was revealed that he played a role in an underground baby fighting ring recently uncovered by police. Unlicensed baby fighting, in which two children below the age of 2 are pitted against each other in a crib or playpen while adults wager on the outcome, is a growing problem in daycare centers across the country, and authorities have been quick to prosecute all those involved. According to preliminary reports, Miragliotta oversaw dozens of bouts and specialized in the heavier "toddler weight class". The New Jersey State Athletic Control Board, which employs Miragliotta for adult MMA events, declined to comment.

EliteXC A Success According to Preliminary Ratings; Enraged Dana White Has Four Zuffa Employees Killed

In the wake of the release of preliminary ratings for EliteXC/CBS' "Saturday Night Fights", which point to the first-ever primetime network TV MMA show as a resounding success, MMA Journalist has learned that UFC Tribal Leader Dana White - acting in a fit of rage - ordered the deaths of four random Zuffa employees. The identities of the employees are not yet known, although sources indicate two were beheaded, one was strangled and one was repeatedely run down and backed over by White's official UFC Hummer. Stay tuned for more as the story develops.