Affliction Show to Register 6.5 Bodogs on the Fail-O-Meter

Bust out the Fail-O-Meter. Affliction: "Banned" will air on pay-per-view this Saturday opposite SpikeTV's UFC Fight Night 14, which means that: a) fight fans will have a chance to pay to see Fedor Emelianenko fight Tim Sylvia; b) fight fans will have a chance to see Anderson Silva destroy James Irvin on free TV; and, c) Affliction will make enough money to cover the cost of maybe 90 seconds of the Fedor/Sylvia bout, but everything after those 90 seconds and everything on the rest of the card is going to have to be written off as a financial loss. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against Affliction, I'm thrilled they've put together a card of top fighters, and I wish them success. But reality has a way of slapping wanna-be UFCs (with a little money to burn and no viable revenue stream) in the face, and Affliction is going to get slapped pretty damn hard. Prediction: in terms of projected losses, someone will take a big hit on Saturday - and it ain't the UFC.

BCX 5 Notes

Battle Cage Xtreme had their fifth event on Saturday night, and with seven belts on the line, the event provided a healthy dose of ass-kickery. Some notes: -Joey Camacho absolutely crushed Micah Goss, proving yet again that he's more than capable of bringing the fury. A post-fight Goss looked like he'd been in a car wreck. -The unbreakable Don Wagner, old school warrior Joey Brown and last-minute replacement Andrew Montanez all fought their hearts out right up to the final bell, despite being on the losing end earlier on. You gotta love it. -Why can't Kevin Roddy ever get a split decision to go his way? He's so damn talented and skilled. Props to Dwayne Shelton for not getting caught by the K-Rod sub machine. -Jon Jones is good but he still needs to be tested. Someone like Brendan Barrett, Costa Phillippou or Ricardo Romero won't be overwhelmed by Jones' speed and athleticism. -Tim Troxell looked great (as usual) but Lester Caslow was pretty impressive for hanging in there, and he even had the Trox rocked at one point. On paper, I thought this would've been a mismatch, but Caslow proved he belonged. -Joe Abouata exposed Carlton Haselrig as a one-dimensional wrestler. Oh wait, we already knew that. Well, Abouata looked fantastic either way.

Underground Combat League: "Apocalypse"

The Underground Combat League's latest installment was last night, and the event - dubbed "Apocalypse" - featured impressive performances by Josh Candon, Chaz Dimitropoulos, Marwin Roque and Kirkland Campbell. A Fox News camera crew was on hand to document the evening.

Things That Won't Happen at BCX 5

Battle Cage Xtreme's fifth outing will grace the Tropicana Casino & Resort on Saturday night with its brand of premiere local MMA action, and no less than seven championship belts are on the line. However, in a sport where almost anything can happen, at BCX 5 there are a few things that definitely won't. For example: -Carlton Haselrig will not win via omoplata. Nope. No sir. -Hercules Benjamin will not throw a spinning back kick. At least, not successfully. -Carlos Eduardo's cornermen will not, at any point, shout anything in English. Except maybe curse words. -Joey Brown will not turn to his traditional full contact karate background and perform a kata. -Jon Jones will not not throw any punches, nor will he not not attempt to suplex his opponent. I guarantee it. -Joey Camacho will not forego takedown attempts in lieu of just getting his opponent to the ground via gestures and harsh language. -Kevin Roddy will not snag an armbar when Dwayne Shelton is in his guard. Unless he wants to. Then it's his.

Other Changes to Unified Rules Proposed at ABC Conference

Last week the Association of Boxing Commissioners met for their annual conference and hammered out some new weight classes for the Unified Rules of Mixed Martial Arts (versions of which are followed by New Jersey, Nevada, California and most of the free world). In addition, certain fouls were added, certain fouls were removed and clarification was added to existing prohibitions, while a proposed amendment to the "no knees to the head of a downed opponent" rule was shot down. What else was proposed but did not make the final cut? MMA Journalist has obtained the following list from the conference transcript: - 1) When facing Kimbo Slice, opponents must never attempt to take the fight to the ground. - 2) No one can speak ill of Dana White. Ever. Seriously. - 3) Gina Carano is no longer required to make her contracted weight. For her, weight classes are merely a suggestion. - 4) Team-based MMA, with cockamamie team names like the "Washington Woodchucks", "Seattle Squid", "Tulsa Tumbleweeds", etc., is not allowed. - 5) Dear God, no more promotions from online gambling moguls. Please. - 6) Are we ordering pizza for lunch? If so, put me down for a pepperoni. Also, a diet Pepsi. - 7) "The Ultimate Fighter" must go on forever and ever, until Zuffa and SpikeTV have milked every dollar and modicum of talent possible from fans and fighters. - 8) Nick Lembo cannot possibly think that tie matches his shirt, can he? - 9) If you think that's bad, you should've seen Armando Garcia's sombrero from last year. - 10) Wait, are we being recorded?

What The Hell Are You Thinking?

Do you have any questions or comments for MMA Journalist? Send an email to "mma_journalist@yahoo.com" and a member of our hard-working staff will read it and possibly respond. Or not. Maybe we'll all just laugh at you.

Shooto Legend Alexandre "Pequeno" Nogueira Screws Self, Fans

Alexandre "Pequeno" Nogueira, a former Shooto champ and legendary master of the ten-finger guillotine, has tested positive for steroids. Pequeno (which means "cheater" in Portuguese) last fought at WEC 34 in Sacramento, California, where he lost via second-round beatdown to Jose "Just Some Scrub" Aldo. For failing his post-fight drug test, the decorated Brazilian featherweight has garnered himself a year-long suspension and a healthy dose of the "sully" of his good name.

Apparently Smackgirl and the IFL Share the Same Accountants

Veteran journo Shu Hirata of "boutreviewusa.com" and "adcombat.com" is reporting that the July 24th Smackgirl show in Japan has been cancelled, leaving a big question mark over the organization's future. Say it ain't so! Smackgirl is the longest-running female MMA promotion in the world, and despite a 30-seconds-on-the-ground rule, it has produced some badass bouts and tournaments. What went wrong with the organization that has featured likes of Laura D'Auguste, Hitomi Akano, Tara LaRosa, Roxanne Modafferi, Amanda Buckner and Megumi Fuji? According to Hirata, a loss of a major sponsor and a cash shortage are the most likely culprits, but everyone is waiting on Smackgirl to make an official announcement. Stay tuned for more.

Observations from My Couch: UFC 86

-Tyson Griffin looked impressive out-working his opponent for the unanimous decision win. Unfortunately, commentators Mike Goldberg and Joe Rogan again remarked about the size of his butt. It makes me feel uncomfortable and icky. -Josh Koscheck and Chris Lytle did an excellent job re-enacting that scene in Friday the 13th Part 4 when Jason hacks up those coeds and gets blood everywhere. Very convincing. -Melvin Guillard defeated Denis Siver via quick knockout, shaking the very foundation of the lightweight rankings. -Neither Patrick Cote nor Ricardo Almeida showed anything that could prove to be a threat to middleweight champ Anderson Silva. In fact, I think both fighters realized this going into the last round, so they made concerted efforts to lose knowing the winner would have to face certain doom. -Forrest Griffin clearly won against Quinton "Rampage" Jackson. Which just goes to show that tons of hard work, unwavering dedication and literally selling your soul to the Devil can get you a UFC championship belt.

Lyman Good Article in FCF

This month's issue of Full Contact Fighter has an article on Team Tiger Schulmann welterweight Lyman Good, an undefeated stud destined for big things. Pick up a copy, or check out a pdf of the article at the Tiger Schulmann website (http://www.tsk.com/imgs/news/2008pics/lyman.pdf).