Observations from My Couch: Strikeforce Challengers "Worst Crowd Ever"

• As fight cards go, this one was pretty action-packed and entertaining.  However, based on the way the crowd booed everyone and everything, either the people of Oregon have never seen an MMA show before or the people of Oregon are retarded.  Which is it, Oregon?
• Tarec Saffiedine is exceedingly fun to watch.  Exceedingly.
• Good back and forth by Bobby Voelker and Roger Bowling, and tough break on the inadvertent eye injury.  Also, tough break on having an unappreciative audience full of idiots.
• Tyron Woodley may not be the next big thing, but he’s at least the next “larger than usual” thing.
• It took Matt Lindland two and a half rounds to beat a scrub.  Yeah, headlining a Strikeforce Challengers might be a good fit for him.

Observations from My Couch: Moosin's "The Best Awful MMA Event Ever"

• I’ve seen so many pay-per-view crapfests masquerading as MMA shows throughout the years – gems like the World Combat Championship, Martial Arts Reality Superfighting and Pancrase – but Moosin was the absolute crappiest.  However, somehow, someway the fights were awesome, making this one the best.
• Normally Bas Rutten is a fantastic commentator, but at Moosin, working side-by-side with those two other clowns, he was awful.  The trio’s commentating was like watching a drunken fraternity version of Mystery Science Theater 3000.  And I mean that in the most unfunny way possible.
• Ralph Johnson, Lukasz Jurkowski and Ho Jin Kim.  God bless Moosin for giving C-level fighters a chance to look C-level on a pay-per-view.
• Yves Edwards = robbed.
• Roxanne Modafferi vs. Tara LaRosa was as awesome as everyone knew it was going to be.  Congrats to Roxy for going to Japan and learning how to strike.
• Will Rafael Natal be the next ROC champ to make it into the big show?  Magic Eight Ball says “It is decidedly so”.
• We need more Travis Wiuff in the world.
• Tim Sylvia losing to a champion pro boxer was like a body blow to MMA, but if he had lost to a strongman it would’ve been like putting a bag over MMA’s head, driving it out into the desert and shooting it in the back of the neck.  Thank you, Tim, for not losing to a strongman.

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Two UCL Vets Going Pro This Weekend

Moosin and Strikeforce Challengers may be dominating the airwaves tonight, but the real sushi dinner of the evening is the fact that UCL veterans Chris Corr and Eric Blasich are making their pro MMA debuts.  The event is the Paramount Cage Fighting Challenge in Washington, Pennsylvania, and both guys - who hail from New Generation Karate on Long Island - are solid, well-rounded fighters who've honed their skills in combat.  Expect them to be driving home with wins on their pro record and a car full of women eager to find out why New Yorkers are so damn tough.

May 2010 Women's Independent World MMA Rankings

The April 2010 Women's Independent World MMA Rankings have been released. These rankings are independent of any single MMA media outlet or sanctioning body, and are published on multiple web sites, as well as http://www.independentworldmmarankings.com/.

The members of the voting panel for the Women's Independent World MMA Rankings are, in alphabetical order: Nicholas Bailey (MMA Ratings); Jim Genia (Full Contact Fighter, MMA Memories, and MMA Journalist Blog); Yael Grauer (MMA HQ); Jesse Holland (MMA Mania); Robert Joyner (Freelance); Zac Robinson (Sports by the Numbers MMA); Leland Roling (Bloody Elbow); Michael David Smith (AOL Fanhouse); Joshua Stein (MMA Opinion); and Ivan Trembow (Freelance).

Note: Erin Toughill is temporarily ineligible to be ranked, due to the fact that she has not fought in over 12 full months, and she will regain her eligibility to the next time she fights.

May 2010 Women's Independent World MMA Rankings
Ballots collected on May 18, 2010

Featherweight Rankings (136 to 145 lbs.)
1. Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos (9-1)
2. Marloes Coenen (17-4)
3. Gina Carano (7-1)
4. Yuko "Hiroko" Yamanaka (8-1-1)

5. Cindy Dandois (3-0)
6. Shana Olsen (3-0)
7. Amanda Nunes (5-1)
8. Jamie Seaton (2-1)
9. Emily Thompson (3-2)
10. Hitomi Akano (15-7)

Bantamweight Rankings (126 to 135 lbs.)
1. Sarah Kaufman (11-0)
2. Tara LaRosa (18-1)
3. Roxanne Modafferi (14-5)
4. Hitomi Akano (15-7)
5. Takayo Hashi (12-2)
6. Shayna Baszler (11-6)
7. Miesha Tate (9-2)
8. Vanessa Porto (10-4)
9. Jennifer Tate (6-1)
10. Julie Kedzie (13-8)

Flyweight Rankings (116 to 125 lbs.)
1. Rosi Sexton (10-1)
2. Tara LaRosa (18-1)
3. Aisling Daly (9-0)
4. Rin Nakai (6-0)

5. Sally Krumdiack (7-3)
6. Lena Ovchynnikova (6-0)
7. Monica Lovato (4-1)
8. Jeri Sitzes (3-1)
9. Mutsumi Kasai (4-1)

10. Anita Rodriguez (3-1)

Junior Flyweight Rankings (106 to 115 lbs.)
1. Megumi Fujii (19-0)
2. Yuka Tsuji (22-2)
3. Lisa Ward (12-5)
4. Mei "V Hajime" Yamaguchi (6-2)
5. Jessica Pene (7-0)
6. Kyoko Takabayashi (11-4)
7. Jessica Aguilar (7-3)
8. Angela Magana (8-4)
9. Saori Ishioka (8-4)
10. Emi Fujino (8-4)

The Women's Independent World MMA Rankings are tabulated and published on a monthly basis, with fighters receiving ten points for a first-place vote, nine points for a second-place vote, and so on.

The rankings are based purely on the votes of the members of the voting panel, with nobody's vote counting more than anybody else's vote, and no computerized voting.

The voters are instructed to vote primarily based on fighters' actual accomplishments in the cage/ring (the quality of opposition that they've actually beaten), not based on a broad, subjective perception of which fighters would theoretically win hypothetical match-ups.

Inactivity: Fighters who have not fought in the past 12 months are not eligible to be ranked, and will regain their eligibility the next time they fight.

Disciplinary Suspensions: Fighters who are currently serving disciplinary suspensions, or who have been denied a license for drug test or disciplinary reasons, are not eligible to be ranked.

Changing Weight Classes: When a fighter announces that she is leaving one weight class in order to fight in another weight class, the fighter is not eligible to be ranked in the new weight class until her first fight in the new weight class has taken place.

Catch Weight Fights: When fights are contested at weights that are in between the limits of the various weight classes, they are considered to be in the higher weight class. The weight limits for each weight class are listed at the top of the rankings for each weight class.

Special thanks to Eric Kamander, Joshua Stein and Yael Grauer for their invaluable help with this project, and special thanks to Garrett Bailey for designing our logo.

Life in the Suck Lane

Welcome to the latest edition of Life in the Suck Lane, where we compare the career trajectories of two once-promising fighters and let you decide whose life sucks harder.  On today’s installment it’s Tim Sylvia vs. Matt Lindland.  Here are the ugly facts:

Tim Sylvia

• Lost his first UFC championship belt when he tested positive for steroids.
• Returned to the cage to face Frank Mir for the belt and promptly got his arm snapped in half.  Mir kept the arm hanging above his fireplace for two months before giving it back.
• In his next venture into the Octagon, he lost to Andrei Arlovski so fast fans questioned if Sylvia had actually heard referee John McCarthy yell “Let’s get it on!” and knew the fight had begun.
• Defeated Arlovski in a rematch, but their third meeting was hailed by Time Magazine as “The Worst Fight in the History of Fighting, But Not a Bad Example of Two Grown Men Dancing”.
• Lost the belt to Randy Couture at UFC 68 in a bout that had the crowd cheering every time Sylvia took damage.  There’s unpopular, and then there’s Sylvia-level unpopular.  This was an example of the latter multiplied by a thousand.  Even Satan was watching that bout and muttering, “Jeez, go easy on the poor guy.”
• Put together a string of impressive losses to such MMA legends as Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, Fedor Emelianenko and Ray Mercer.  Wait, what?
• Is headlining an event called Moosin on Friday.

Matt Lindland

• Defeated anyone who faced him until he was fighting Murilo Bustamante for the UFC middleweight belt, at which point he tapped out, lied about having tapped out, and then quickly tapped out again.
• Knocked himself out trying to slam Falaniko Vitale at UFC 43.  No, seriously. 
• Lost by quick and violent knockout to Dave Terrell, but continued to dominate in the Octagon.  However, whatever momentum he had was flushed down the toilet when Lindland let money and banned sponsors cloud his judgment.  His severance package from the UFC included a Hallmark Card from Dana White brimming with curse words and a jockstrap someone had found in the locker room of the MGM Grand Garden Arena.
• Was a coach for the IFL.  No, seriously. 
• Lost to Fedor, got knocked out by Vitor Belfort so hard that for two weeks after he thought he was “Joey” from the NBC sitcom “Friends”, and got submitted by Jacare.
• Ran for a seat in the Oregon House of Representatives and lost to Howard Stern.  Stern was a write-in candidate.
• Is headlining a Strikeforce Challengers event on Friday.  Seriously.  A Strikeforce Challengers event.

Well, there you have it.  Whose life sucks more?  You make the call.

Mitch the Intern's TUF 11 Recap: Episode 8

*Editor's note: Mitch the Intern is an NYU undergrad whose favorite Wednesday night pastime includes the TV in his dorm room, a green beanbag chair and two hits of acid.  Enjoy.*

This week's episode is jam-packed with action!  Drama!  Injuries!  Infomercials!  Yes, folks, this one has it all, so stop your grinnin' and drop your linen', 'cause here we go!

Fade in to RC Cola on the phone.  The phone?  Who does he think he is?  Kimbo Slice?  But someone has allowed him outside contact, so RC Cola gets to talk to his wife, Pepsi, who has just given birth to the fighter's son.  Understandably, this has given RC Cola a sad, as she went ahead and named the kid Sprite.  They had previously agreed on Mr. Pibb.  He suspects that while he's been gone she's been carrying on with Dr. Pepper, and this sort of emotional baggage can make a fighter flat - especially when he has an impending fight to think about.  Which he does in the form of the "wildcard loser-gets-another-chance suckety-suck" bout against British gangster Ronnie Kray.

"I can't lose," says RC Cola.

Sure you can, RC Cola.  We have faith in you.

Just then, erstwhile UFC fighter and seminal TUF alum Forrest Griffin shows up.  With an overgrown beard, an old Led Zeppelin concert t-shirt and faded jeans with holes in the knees, he looks every bit the hobo, and from his pack (one of this sticks with a sack tied at the end) he pulls the new UFC video game.  "Guys, do you like pretending to fight instead of fighting for real?" he says, apparently reduced to hawking goods as an itinerant salesman.  I guess this is what crushing losses to Rashad Evans and Anderson Silva and barely squeaking by Tito Ortiz will do to you.

Cut to the wildsucker fight, and RC Cola and Ronnie Kray take to the cage.  "I'm just going to sit in the bleachers and not coach either one," says Ortiz of his wards.  "The better man will win."  Okay, Mr.Laissez-Faire. 

And then they're fighting, a tentative, cautious stand-up affair that looks like junior sparring night at Hong T. Kim's Tae Kwon Do and Laundromat, and though Ronnie Kray's kicks have all the force and confidence of a someone who learned those techniques maybe 20 minutes ago, RC Cola's kicks do damage, with one sidekick to the knee actually causing Ronnie Kray to cry out.  But that's about it in terms of RC Cola's offense.  In the latter half of Round 1 the British gangster dominates with his wrestling and ground and pound, and in Round 2 he seals the deal with a slam and a kimura.  An elated Ronnie Kray parades around the Octagon.  He sucks, but at least someone else sucks more.

Dana White beckons the coaches to join him in his lair, and Ortiz and Chuck Liddell follow.  You see, it's time to pick the next round's match-ups.  "Forget who's on who's team," says White.  "Let's just make the best fights."

Liddell scratches his mohawk, then blurts out, "Godzilla versus Mecha-Godzilla.  The Hamburglar versus the Tidy Bowl Man.  My left shoe versus my right shoe.  And 42."

Ortiz and White exchange confused looks.

"I mean it," says Liddell firmly.  "Those are my picks.  Also, tugboat."

White shakes his head in disgust.  "Just get the *^W$&*#$&* out of here.  I'll do this myself."

And he does, pairing Cypress Hill with some heretofore unknown kid named Josh (did he fight already?  Where'd he come from?  Is he the producers kid?), Seth Bacitracin against Hawaii Five-O, Ronnie Kray versus Crocodile Dundee and Joe Feminine with the Amish Kid.  Upon hearing this, the Amish Kid begins weeping quietly, his tears the tears of the molested.  "Bad touch, bad touch…" he mutters, his words barely audible but full of fear.

"Hey, do you guys hate doing crunches?" says the hobo salesman Forrest Griffin, and from his tattered Army surplus dufflebag he produces a plastic and metal contraption that looks like the framework of the Hunchback of Notre Dame's chair.  "Well, the Abdominator™ will solve all of your problems!"

Cut to the doctor's office, and Joe Feminine is in a gown and bent over an examination table with a grin on his face.

"Um, I'm just looking at your knee today," says the doctor with a grimace.  And he does, examining the joint and taking x-rays and MRIs and then consulting tea leaves and chicken gizzards.  "You have a torn ACL," he says.

And that's it for him, the man with questionable sexual preferences who most felt could've won the whole competition.  White shows up later at the TUF House to hear it from Joe Feminine's own mouth, the two out back and standing alone by the pool.  "Are you quitting?" says the UFC honcho.

"My ACL is torn.  I can't continue."  But then Joe Feminine smiles coyly, and runs a finger slowly along White's collar.  "However, maybe I could be convinced…"

White sprints, moving faster than he's ever moved before, fleeing the awkward situation until he's standing in the TUF House, breathless before the other contestants.  "Okay," he says breathlessly.  "Uh, Joe Feminine is out."

And everybody's eyebrows raise.

"Of the closet?" asks Hawaii Five-O.

"I mean out of the competition."

And everyone lets out a collective "Oh."

"So another one of you losers gets a chance," says White, and he leaves, passing hobo salesman Forrest Griffin on his way out the front door.

"Hey, do you guys like healthy food?" says Griffin, and from a shopping cart packed with soda cans he produces a thick, flat appliance with a dangling cord.  "I certainly do.  That's why I cook with the George Foreman's Grill ™."

Dumb as a Bag of Hammers bolts out the door, following White into the driveway.  "I'm your man, I want that fight."

And I guess that's all it takes, for White goes back into the house and announces that Bag of Hammers is going to face the Amish Kid.  Like, tomorrow.

Then they're fighting.  Round 1 is extremely back-and-forth, Bag of Hammers' wrestling facilitating his ability to get back to his feet and whatnot.  But the Amish Kid - relieved that he doesn't have to worry about getting his oil checked or getting back-mounted with disconcerting sweet nothings whispered lovingly into his ear - has the edge in boxing.  Round 2 begins and Bag of Hammers shoots with his head down, and soon after he's tapping to a guillotine.

"I like this Amish Kid," says White afterwards.  "He could be the darkhorse to win this whole season."

"Hey, do you like seasoned horsemeat?" says Griffin, who steps out of the shadows of the TUF center.  In his hands is a battered styrofoam cooler.  "I sure do.  That's why I eat Overeem Brand Horsemeant™.  It's yummy!"

Fade to black.

Moosin: Forget Sylvia vs. the Strongman - It's All About Tara LaRosa vs. Roxy

The Moosin: God of Martial Arts event is this Friday in Worcester, Massachusetts, and as the promotion decided to go with an ill-prepared strongman in its main event in lieu of an ill-prepared pro boxer managed by Don King, there's actually a chance the show might happen.  But don't let the Tim Sylvia/Mariusz Pudzianowski headliner discourage you from shelling out the dough for the pay-per-view, for the event's got an undercard with some compelling and worthwhile match-ups - not the least of which is the rematch between Tara LaRosa and Roxanne Modafferi.  You see, these two top five female fighters met in the ring back in 2006, at a Mixed Fighting Championship event in Atlantic City (the MFC went on to become BodogFIGHT), and if LaRosa vs. Roxy II is anything like their first fight, it should be action-packed from beginning to end.  The story of their MFC bout was that these two ladies went back-and-forth for the duration, LaRosa continually finding the dominant position and Roxy threatening with submissions throughout, and when it was all over the crowd went wild with appreciation.  This was way before Gina Carano put female MMA on the map and way, way before Cris Cyborg was crowned champ on Showtime.  But thanks to this bout, and the crowd-reaction fighters like Laura D'Auguste, Amanda Buckner and Shayna Baszler were getting, promoters were realizing that there was something to this whole "chicks fighting" thing.  And LaRosa and Roxy played a role in that.  So if you tune in to watch Moosin, don't expect much when the ex-UFC champ takes on the guy who flips giant tires for a living, but when the ladies take the stage, hold on to your freakin' hat.  It should be a barnburner.

A Word on Saturday's Shine Fights Debacle

Fail.

Observations from My Couch: Strikeforce's "Horse Meat Surprise"

• Much props to Antwain Britt for going down swinging. That could just as easily have been Rafael Cavalcante on the canvas, the Brazilian just landed cleanly first.
• Thank God Roger Gracie came away looking nothing like Rolles. Thank God.
• I was rooting for Joey Villasenor to make the comeback, but it's just as well that Jacare got the win. If Villasenor were to ever get the belt, he'd lose it immediately to the next challenger. Jacare has a chance of holding on to it.
• Watching the great Andrei Arlovski fight like that gives me a sad.
• How many horses died to help transform the Alistair Overeem who lost to Chuck Liddell in Pride to the monster that wrecked Brett Rogers on Saturday night?

UCC 2 Postscript

Another solid installment by the pro MMA show that's somewhat convenient to New York City. Dante Rivera looked like a fighter who's competed at the highest levels, whereas Ryan Contaldi looked like a fish out of water. John Cholish has got the tools, and against Hitalo Machado he showed he's got the heart, as he was getting the worst of it on the feet until he started landing that low-kick. He's definitely one to watch. And I don't know if Josh Rave plans on fighting locally some more, but in two Northeast bouts he's proven to be one of the best 125-135 pounders around.

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Liveblog: UCC 2 Part 5

Last fight and it's Ricardo Almeida-trained Dante Rivera against Iron Horse MMA's Ryan Contaldi. Based on cornermen alone Contaldi is in trouble, as he's got UFC fighter Mike Massenzio while Rivera has UFC champ Frankie Edgar plus Chris Liguori, Haz Ibrahim and Tom DeBlass. We'll see if he can overcome the deficit. The opening frame has the two going back and forth with select strikes and clinch-work, with Contaldi scoring a takedown late and Rivera nullifying his top game. Rivera is large and in charge in Round 2, though, throwing Contaldi with some high-amplitude takedowns and working into a North-South choke. The tap comes at 3:20 of the round. Good showing for Rivera. And that's all she wrote...

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