Observations From My Couch: UFC 99

• Dan Hardy is a big pile of I AM NOT IMPRESSED.
• Caol Uno came to grapple and Spencer Fisher came to flee. Why was Fisher awarded the decision?
• Is it me or do German fans act like retarded Southern rednecks? And what's with rubbing a fighter's head when he's walking to the cage?
• Mick Swick is a badass. Ben Saunders is the exact opposite of a badass.
• I don't know what happened to the Mirko CroCop who used to thrill us in Pride, but damn do I miss him.
• Cheick Kongo, why are you wrestling that guy? Stop it. You're a kickass striker, not a kickass grappler.
• Watching Wanderlei Silva fight nowadays is like watching your drunk uncle get into fist fights on his lawn. You love the guy, but damn does it get ugly.

Miguel Torres: "I Need to Fight at Heavyweight to Make Money - This Mullet Ain't Paying For Itself!"

WEC bantamweight champ Miguel Torres has announced his intention to fight up a few weight classes, a move he claims is prompted by reasons purely financial. "I need to fight at heavyweight to make money," said the best 135-pound fighter in the world, and he emphasized his reasoning by pointing to his hairstyle. "This mullet ain't paying for itself!" As it's a widely-accepted reality that higher weight-class fighters command larger salaries, and that mullets often require thousands of dollars worth of hair care products daily, it's understandable that Torres would even consider such a move. But for fans of the man who's risen to the top of the bantamweights, it's a move that's nonetheless regrettable. "Seriously, I need the dough," said Torres. "WEC matchmaker Sean Shelby told me he knew people and could probably get me a bout against Cheick Kongo. Maybe even Shane Carwin." According to athletic commission records, Torres' salary stands at 600 dollars a fight plus a case of hair gel as a win bonus.

Observations from My Couch: UFC 92

• Cheick Kongo looked great in the cage. I also thought he was fantastic in "Gladiator" with Russel Crowe, he was solid in "Blood Diamond" opposite Leonardo DiCaprio, and he was the lone bright spot in "Never Back Down".
• I hated seeing Wanderlei Silva destroyed like that. Gone are his speed and overwhelming aggression. There's no denying Father Time has caught up with him.
• Reese Andy vs. Matt Hamill is the reason why watching wrestlers box makes me nauseous.
• Based on the extensive bandaging on Mike Massenzio's leg, I was sure he was channeling the powers of the Ancient Egyptian Mummy. Alas, it didn't work.
• Frank Mir. Believe it.
• Rashad Evans didn't just win by ground and pound, he won by GROUND AND POUND.

Predictions for UFC 92: "Ultimate 2008"

The final UFC of the year and boy is it a doozy. The main card is star-studded and the under card is packed with more than a few top contenders - which is a pleasant departure from the often anemic cards the promotion has been putting out of late. Some predictions:

• In the contest for the light-heavyweight belt, the "Ultimate Fighter" will win.
• In the battle for the UFC Interim Heavyweight Championship, the smart money is on the guy with the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt.
• Who will come out on top in CB Dollaway vs. Mike Massenzio? My guess would be the wrestler. Yeah, the wrestler. Let's go with that one.
• Mustafa Al-Turk vs. Cheick Kongo? Go with the foreigner.
• I don't know who's going to emerge victorious in the Quinton Jackson/Wanderlei Silva match-up, but I can say that, win or lose, Jackson is most likely going to hear voices and behave erratically - and possibly drive his car onto the sidewalk.