Observations From My Couch: UFC 99

• Dan Hardy is a big pile of I AM NOT IMPRESSED.
• Caol Uno came to grapple and Spencer Fisher came to flee. Why was Fisher awarded the decision?
• Is it me or do German fans act like retarded Southern rednecks? And what's with rubbing a fighter's head when he's walking to the cage?
• Mick Swick is a badass. Ben Saunders is the exact opposite of a badass.
• I don't know what happened to the Mirko CroCop who used to thrill us in Pride, but damn do I miss him.
• Cheick Kongo, why are you wrestling that guy? Stop it. You're a kickass striker, not a kickass grappler.
• Watching Wanderlei Silva fight nowadays is like watching your drunk uncle get into fist fights on his lawn. You love the guy, but damn does it get ugly.

Observations from My Couch: UFC 92

• Cheick Kongo looked great in the cage. I also thought he was fantastic in "Gladiator" with Russel Crowe, he was solid in "Blood Diamond" opposite Leonardo DiCaprio, and he was the lone bright spot in "Never Back Down".
• I hated seeing Wanderlei Silva destroyed like that. Gone are his speed and overwhelming aggression. There's no denying Father Time has caught up with him.
• Reese Andy vs. Matt Hamill is the reason why watching wrestlers box makes me nauseous.
• Based on the extensive bandaging on Mike Massenzio's leg, I was sure he was channeling the powers of the Ancient Egyptian Mummy. Alas, it didn't work.
• Frank Mir. Believe it.
• Rashad Evans didn't just win by ground and pound, he won by GROUND AND POUND.

Predictions for UFC 92: "Ultimate 2008"

The final UFC of the year and boy is it a doozy. The main card is star-studded and the under card is packed with more than a few top contenders - which is a pleasant departure from the often anemic cards the promotion has been putting out of late. Some predictions:

• In the contest for the light-heavyweight belt, the "Ultimate Fighter" will win.
• In the battle for the UFC Interim Heavyweight Championship, the smart money is on the guy with the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt.
• Who will come out on top in CB Dollaway vs. Mike Massenzio? My guess would be the wrestler. Yeah, the wrestler. Let's go with that one.
• Mustafa Al-Turk vs. Cheick Kongo? Go with the foreigner.
• I don't know who's going to emerge victorious in the Quinton Jackson/Wanderlei Silva match-up, but I can say that, win or lose, Jackson is most likely going to hear voices and behave erratically - and possibly drive his car onto the sidewalk.

Quinton Jackson: "God Wants Me to Get Beat Up Again - So That's What I'm Gonna Do"

Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, former light-heavyweight champ and full-time vision-seeing lunatic, is slated to face off against Wanderlei Silva at UFC 92 in Las Vegas - only a few short months after the colorful but troubled star went off the deep end and led police on a high-speed chase. This will be the third clash between Jackson and Silva, with their two prior encounters (in Pride) resulting in Jackson stunned and mumbling about being Joan of Arc and not wanting any more tamales. Why would the popular fighter agree to take on Silva once more? Said Jackson, "God wants me to get beat up again - so that's what I'm gonna do." UFC 92 will also feature 205-pound champ Forrest Griffin defending his belt against Rashad Evans.

TUF 8 Analysis: Episode 7

The seventh episode of TUF 8, blah, blah, blah. Eccentric assistant coach Stankie was very subdued this week, as prior to filming he'd spent a few nights in Clark County Jail for bringing a live grenade into famed strip joint Spearmint Rhino. Hey man, it wasn't like he was going to pull the pin or anything.

• Coach Mir's victory speech to Junie Browning consisted of a lot of "Dude, you suck!" and a tiny bit of "But congrats anyway". Interesting coaching style, buddy.
• Running on a treadmill with a scuba mask on and diving into a giant ice bath? Last night, Wanderlei Silva was sitting in his living room with his conditioning coach, and they were laughing their asses off at the young fighters tricked into taking part in these elaborate pranks disguised as "cutting-edge training methods".
• Why is Shane Nelson getting camera time? Didn't he already get beat? He should be out mowing a lawn somewhere.
• Okay, let me get this straight: Krzysztof Soszynski requests a body bag and the producers don't flip out? Come on. You just know Dana White got a phone call on that one.
• Fiery Brazilian drama between Coach Nogueira and Vinicius Magalhaes alert! Woot-woot! Someone is defintely getting stabbed with one of those giant meat skewers they use at churrascarias.
• Vinny's fight against Jules Bruchez was a solid ten on the "meh" meter.

Observations from My Couch: EliteXC "Unfinished Business"

- At "Unfinished Business", EliteXC listened to the hardcore MMA fans and put together a show that definitely pleased them all. According to preliminary ratings reports, however, no one but hardcore fans watched the damn thing. - Cris Cyborg, Wanderlei Silva's transexual brother, looked scary beating down Shayna Baszler. Can Gina Carano save us from her brand of Brazilian lovin'? - Jake Shields made it look easy. Yes, it does indeed say "Bad Motherfucker" on his wallet. - Thomas Denny was an excellent human punching bag for Nick Diaz. But for all his faults, the "Wildman" sure did show a ton of heart. Bravo, man. Bravo. - With heavy hands, a well-rounded game and legitimate credentials, Robbie Lawler is everything EliteXC could want in a middleweight champ. I bet the UFC regrets his departure now, eh?