Observations From My Couch: UFC 103 "Bye-Bye CroCop"

• After the beating suffered at the hands of Vitor Belfort, Rich Franklin must really be hating Brazilians right now.
• After the beating suffered at the hands (and knees) of Junior dos Santos, Mirko CroCop must really be hating that he can't do steroids for his US fights.
• After the beating suffered at the hands of Paul Daley, Martin Kampmann must really be hating that no one at Xtreme Couture taught him how to do takedowns.
• After the beating suffered at the hands of Josh Koscheck, Frank Trigg must really be hating the fact that he's gotten old.
• Holy crap did Hermes Franca look out of shape and untrained.
• After the beating suffered at the hands of Efrain Escudero, Cole Miller must really be hating all that time spent practicing jiu-jitsu instead of boxing.
• After that beating suffered at the hands of Tomasz Drwal, Drew McFedries must really be hating the Polish lack of vowels in their names.
• Jim Miller's jiu-jitsu is so good, he doesn't even have to touch you to dislocate your shoulder with a kimura.

Predictions for UFC 103: "Come On, CroCop, Don't Mess This Up"

Just a few scant days after UFC Fight Night 19 and the TUF 10 premiere comes UFC 103, a pay-per-view extravaganza featuring no title bouts and no match-ups of any real consequence. Wahoo! Fighting at a catch-weight of 195 are Vitor Belfort and Rich Franklin, because 195 pounds is cool and hip and all the kids are doing it, while Mirk CroCop returns to hopefully not get clobbered. So, predictions!

• The last seven fights Tyson Griffin has taken part in have ended via decision, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's going to defeat jiu-jitsu black belt Hermes Franca by... Falcon punch!
• Josh Koscheck and Frank Trigg are two solid wrestlers who like to throw punches and get knocked out. Look for a double-KO in this one.
• Martin Kampmann is Danish, which means when you bite into him you get a mouthful of frosting and some raisins. Brit striker Paul Daley hates raisins.
• CroCop is going to TKO the less-experienced Junior dos Santos, which sets up a nice revenge match for a future UFC between the Croatian and Senior dos Santos.
• Belfort is going to hit Franklin so hard, Franklin will no longer be qualified to teach high school arithmetic - only gym or special education.

Observations From My Couch: UFC 99

• Dan Hardy is a big pile of I AM NOT IMPRESSED.
• Caol Uno came to grapple and Spencer Fisher came to flee. Why was Fisher awarded the decision?
• Is it me or do German fans act like retarded Southern rednecks? And what's with rubbing a fighter's head when he's walking to the cage?
• Mick Swick is a badass. Ben Saunders is the exact opposite of a badass.
• I don't know what happened to the Mirko CroCop who used to thrill us in Pride, but damn do I miss him.
• Cheick Kongo, why are you wrestling that guy? Stop it. You're a kickass striker, not a kickass grappler.
• Watching Wanderlei Silva fight nowadays is like watching your drunk uncle get into fist fights on his lawn. You love the guy, but damn does it get ugly.

Q & A with Mirko CroCop's Shin

With the recent news that Mirko CroCop may be returning to the Octagon for UFC 99 in Germany, MMA Journalist tracked down the once-feared Pride star's shin for an interview. Always willing to talk, CroCop's shin addressed a number of issues, including up-coming opponent Mustapha Al-Turk and the pressure of performing.

• So, you're CroCop's shin. How's that working out for you? Great! It's going great.
• How's it feel to be returning to the UFC? Things didn't exactly work out for you the last time around... No, they absolutely did not. But you know what? I blame that on bad match-ups.
• Bad match-ups? Yeah. I mean, look at who I faced. Gabriel Gonzaga, who totally copied my signature move - which I had trademarked, and yes, there is still legal action pending for trademark infringement. And then there was Cheick Kongo. Do you realize how tall that guy is? I can get up that high, man. I just can't.
• Okay, so you faced opponents who were bad match-ups for you. What about your UFC 99 opponent, Mustapha Al-Turk? Oh, he should be no problem. He's only about 6'2", so I definitely can reach his head.
• Do you feel any sort of pressure in regards to your return? After all, you were at one time considered one of the top heavyweight fighters in the world. Yeah, yeah, blah, blah. I was at the top but now I'm not. Listen, of course there's pressure. There always is in bouts you give a crap about. I didn't feel any pressure in my previous UFC bouts because I didn't give a crap about them. I honestly thought Pride fighters were tougher than UFC fighters, so I thought it would be easy. Well, I learned otherwise, so now I give a crap. Consequently, now I feel pressure.
• How do you feel fighting for the UFC? Do you miss Pride? I like the UFC fine. Do I miss Pride? Well, I gotta tell you, I miss that cute little Japanese number who'd hit on me after my bouts. Now I have this clown Joe Rogan sticking a microphone in my face. He is no where near as cute.
• Alrighty then. That's all the questions I have. Do you want to add anything for the fans? Sure. Stay tuned for a knockout at UFC 99. I've been kicking over banana trees in training and I'm going to take someone's head off.
• Banana trees? Really? No, not really. It just sounds cool.