NSAC Orders Parisyan to Shave Back, Take Nine Months of Remedial English

The Nevada State Athletic Commission issued a harsh penalty to Karo Parisyan, ordering the UFC welterweight to shave his back and take nine months of remedial English before he can return to competition. As reported by MMA Journalist on February 10th, Parisyan tested positive for Armenian after his UFC 94 bout against Dong Hyun Kim. At yesterday's NSAC hearing Parisyan pleaded for leniency, but the pleas of the fighter - a judo expert who was once considered a top contender in the 170-pound weight class - were ultimately ignored. "We take these sorts of things very seriously," said NSAC Chief Xenophobe Keith Kizer, who, in addition to handing down punishment to the "hairy kid who says 'bro' way too much", overturned Parisyan's decision win over Kim, rendering it a "no contest". MMA Journalist contacted Parisyan for a comment but was unable to understand him.

Observations From My Couch: UFC 94

• I'm not sure what was more impressive: Clay Guida defeating a very tough Nate Diaz, or Clay Guida managing to thank every training partner, sponsor and Zuffa employee he's ever come in contact with in the short time allotted for his post-fighting interview.
• Was it me or was the last few minutes of the Karo Parisyan/Dong Hyun Kim bout nothing more than a judo match? I kept expecting the referee to shout out scores in Japanese like "Ippon!" or "Waza-ari!"
• Jon "GrecoRoman Airlines" Jones. When you absolutely, positively have to fly somewhere immediately.
• You know the Fates have conspired when every bout from the under card on up to the co-main event has gone to a decision and then Lyoto Machida of all people wins by first-round knockout.
• Georges St. Pierre vs. BJ Penn: a grim reminder as to why MMA has weight classes.