Mike Swick vs. Dan Hardy to Determine Who's Not Ready for GSP and Who's Really Not Ready for GSP

According to rumors, TUF 1 veteran Mike Swick and British hair casualty Dan Hardy will likely be facing at UFC 105 to determine who's not ready for Georges St. Pierre and who's really not ready for Georges St. Pierre, with the winner facing (and getting slaughtered by) the welterweight champ at a later date. Unless every other 170-pound fighter on the planet is somehow injured or otherwise busy, it's a match-up that makes little sense, as neither man has defeated a big enough "name" fighter to warrant top contender status. Regardless, thanks to St. Pierre needing the money to keep up on payments for his Lexus, the bout could very well happen. Who stands the better chance of not getting smooshed for the TKO stoppage in the title bout? American Kickboxing Academy-trained Swick is a capable striker with the ability to end fights suddenly with his right cross, whereas Hardy's right hook and awful hairstyle are his best assets. But neither will be able to stuff St. Pierre's takedowns, so really, the point is moot. Hopefully, the next 170-pound contender the UFC lines up will be a more compelling threat.

Observations From My Couch: UFC 100

• The robbery perpetrated in the rendering of the decision for the Yoshihiro Akiyama/Alan Belcher fight was so blatant and egregious that Akiyama now has a felony on his record.
• Dan Henderson may have landed a huge, crowd-pleasing knockout, but he did fans everywhere a great disservice. No way are we going to be able to understand what Michael Bisping says now.
• Next on Ultimate Grip Fighting Championship: Jon Fitch vs. Paulo Thiago. Who will come out on top in the meticulous and pain-staking battle to do nothing but place their hands on various strategic parts of their opponent's body? Stay tuned!
• Georges St. Pierre looked dominant, but that groin injury he sustained was inevitable. No one can dry hump someone for 25 minutes without injuring themselves. No one.
• Coors Lite and banging your wife, eh? Brock, are you telling us this because you feel insecure about that dingling tattooed on your chest? Methinks the wrestler doth protest too much.

Predictions for UFC 100: "Ultimate Actually Worth the $44.99 for the Pay-Per-View"

UFC 100 is nearly upon us, and the event - dubbed "Ultimate Actually Worth the $44.99 for the Pay-Per-View" - might actually be worth the clams shelled out to watch the damn thing. There are about two and a half main events, with Brock Lesnar and Frank Mir squaring off, Georges St. Pierre and Thiago Alves doing their thang, and Michael Bisping and Dan Hend... zzzzzz. Ahem, anyway, predictions!

• Brock, oh Brock. Brockety-Brock. Brock-brock-brock-bakaw! Brock-the-house, brock-brock-the-house. Brock-and-roll forever, baby!
• Oh yeah, Mir by submission.
• As Alves is more of a striker than a grappler, St. Pierre's technique of slathering himself with Vaseline, baby oil, raw petroleum and margarine will avail him naught. Alves by TKO, and St. Pierre will leave the Octagon a broken man, comforted only by the loving snorts of his moose, Matilda.
• Dan Henderson is getting old but is still tougher than a $2 steak. Bisping's greatest moment was his gritty portrayal of Pikey Number 4 in the movie "Snatch". Hendo by split decision.
• Congratulations Paulo Thiago, you've defeated Josh Koscheck! Your reward: a fatal beating at the hands of Jon Fitch! Yay!
• Yoshihiro Akiyama by JUDO CHOP! Hiyaaa!

George St. Pierre Under Fire for K-Y Jelly Sponsorship

UFC welterweight champ George St. Pierre has come under fire recently over his choice of sponsors, namely, Johnson & Johnson's K-Y Jelly, whose company logo was prominently displayed on the Canadian's shorts and on a banner unfurled between rounds during his UFC 94 bout against BJ Penn. Critics allege that the lubricant has no place in the sport, and that St. Pierre's victory is somehow tainted. St. Pierre's Muay Thai trainer disagrees. "K-Y Jelly replaces personal moisture in a way that feels natural and helps enhance intimacy," said Kru Phil Nurse in a post-fight interview. "This non-greasy formula rinses off easily for a pleasant experience." Replied a spokesman from Penn's camp: "Dude, that's just creepy."

Observations From My Couch: UFC 94

• I'm not sure what was more impressive: Clay Guida defeating a very tough Nate Diaz, or Clay Guida managing to thank every training partner, sponsor and Zuffa employee he's ever come in contact with in the short time allotted for his post-fighting interview.
• Was it me or was the last few minutes of the Karo Parisyan/Dong Hyun Kim bout nothing more than a judo match? I kept expecting the referee to shout out scores in Japanese like "Ippon!" or "Waza-ari!"
• Jon "GrecoRoman Airlines" Jones. When you absolutely, positively have to fly somewhere immediately.
• You know the Fates have conspired when every bout from the under card on up to the co-main event has gone to a decision and then Lyoto Machida of all people wins by first-round knockout.
• Georges St. Pierre vs. BJ Penn: a grim reminder as to why MMA has weight classes.

Nations Collide At UFC 94

UFC 94: "St. Pierre vs. Penn II" is this Saturday night, and as the title indicates, it's all about two nations colliding in the main event. Rematching after their exciting UFC 58 bout ended in a split decision are welterweight champ Georges St. Pierre from the northern country of Canada and lightweight champ BJ Penn from the Republic of Hawaii. It's a bout that promises action, errant elk and pineapples hurled with reckless abandon. "I will crush 'im again," says St. Pierre between gulps of maple syrup. "Count on it. Mr. Penn may worship a volcano and surf to and from the office every day, but his weird Hawaiian ways are no match for my sexually ambiguous relationship with my moose, Matilda." UFC 94 will take place at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, and will air live on pay-per-view.

BJ Penn Confused, Thinks GSP Fight is to the Death

UFC lightweight champ BJ Penn, who is slated to rematch against welterweight champ Georges St. Pierre at UFC 94, is apparently confused about which rules he and the Canadian will be competing under. On the"UFC Primetime" show on SpikeTV, Penn is quoted as saying, "We're going to go to the death" - an erroneous assumption on the Hawaiian's part, as the January 31st match-up at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas will follow the Unified Rules of Mixed Martial Arts, and the Unified Rules list "murder" as an illegal technique. "Yeah, we're going to have to address that," said Nevada State Athletic Commission Grand Pooba Keith Kizer. "We don't do 'to the death' here. BJ is confusing us with New York." UFC 94 will also feature Stephan Bonnar, Nate Diaz and a whole bunch of other guys that won't be fighting to the death.

Observations from My Couch: UFC 90

• Sean Sherk and Tyson Griffin fought a fantastic fight. However, it was extremely disturbing to hear Randy Couture cursing like a sailor in Griffin's corner. Extremely disturbing.
• What is Rich Clementi? He's crafty. Crafty. I don't know why that's stuck in my head. Oh wait, yes I do - it's because Joe Rogan said it two billion times.
• Thiago Alves could very well demolish Georges St. Pierre.
• Anderson Silva is the nicest guy in the world. After all, he did carry Patrick Cote for two rounds in their championship bout.

Brock Lesnar Blazes Trail for Other MMA-Curious Athletes

Former pro-wrestler Brock Lesnar racked up his first win in the Octagon at Saturday night's UFC 87, and Lesnar's three-round dismantling of veteran Heath Herring has opened the door for other MMA-curious athletes to try their hand at sport. MMA Journalist has obtained a copy of the Zuffa internal memo extolling the virtues of cross-sport pollination. The memo goes on to order matchmakers to pursue high-level competitors from other athletic endeavours, and it lists potential candidates. Names on the list include: - PGA Tour winner and all-around golfing stud Phil Mickelson. It is believed that Mickelson would debut as a middleweight, and after defeating a scrub, would face Anderson Silva for the belt. - Boston Red Sox starting pitcher Curt Schilling. Because UFC president Dana White is a fellow Beantowner, Schilling will be given an immediate title shot against light-heavyweight champ Forrest Griffin. - NHL player and Detroit Red Wing goaltender Ty Conklin. Conklin will cut to welterweight, where he'll face Georges St. Pierre in a non-title bout after the two serve as opposing coaches on the ninth season of "The Ultimate Fighter". - Professional ten-pin bowler Wes "Big Nasty" Malott. Malott will enter the deep pool of talent in the UFC's heavyweight division, and after Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, Frank Mir and maybe one or two other legitimate fighters are lured away by Affliction, Malott will face Lesnar for the belt.