Drug-Addled Paulo Filho Thinks He's Gina Carano, Fails to Make Weight

Middleweight belt holder Paulo Filho, whose battles with substance abuse prompted a recent stint in rehab, failed to make weight yesterday for his WEC 36 bout against Chael Sonnen, rendering their championship contest a three-round, non-title affair. The Brazilian Top Team star was reportedly wearing a wig and a skirt at the official weigh-ins, and while insisting everyone call him "Gina", stepped on to the scale at 192 pounds (a whopping seven pounds over the limit). "Paulo is... having some issues right now," said main handler Ed Soares, who ended up chasing Filho around the venue while Filho giggled and squealed. Added Soares: "I assure you, she - err, I mean he - will be ready for his fight." Tonight's WEC 36 will also feature a match-up between minuscule warriors Urijah Faber and Mike Brown and will air live on the "Versus" cable channel.

Rumor: Anderson Silva to Retire from MMA to Pursue Quilting

In the grand tradition of superstar Michael Jordan leaving basketball to pursue a career in baseball and boxing great Mike Tyson leaving the ring to pursue a career in jail comes a rumor that untouchable UFC champ Anderson Silva might be contemplating a jump to the world of competitive quilting. Quilting is a sewing method where, using a needle and thread or a sewing machine, two or more layers of fabric are joined together - often to create intricate patterns. In competitive quilting, all sewing is done by hand. "Anderson will honor the fights left on his UFC contract," says manager Ed Soares. "He's been a great champion in mixed martial arts. But it's time the quilting world learns just how talented Anderson really is."