Destitute WEC Champs to Borrow Money from Bellator FC Champs to Pay Rent

WEC champs Mike Brown and Miguel Torres, as well as former featherweight champ and poster boy Urijah Faber, have announced their intention to borrow money from Bellator Fighting Championship title-holders Joe Soto, Eddie Alvarez, Lyman Good and Hector Lombard, with the cash being used for rent, food and to purchase items like clothes and toothpaste. The move comes as no surprise to those aware of the pay disparity between WEC champs and Bellator champs. For winning three bouts in their respective weight class tournaments, Soto, Alvarez, Good and Lombard each earned $175,000; for their efforts in the Zuffa-owned WEC, Brown, Torres and Faber were paid a can of baked beans, a torn sweater and a half-used pack of Camel-brand cigarettes (non-filtered). "Really, what can you do?" said Brown from a cardboard box beneath the I-95 overpass in Miami, where he spends most of his time talking to imaginary friends and sipping Boone's Farm. "We bust our asses for a top-level promotion and make peanuts. Those Bellator guys? They're making bank!" Added Torres from his spot around a flaming garbage can in an abandoned lot in Chicago's South Side, skewered rat in hand: "My mullet's gotta eat."

WEC 39 Fun Facts

The "Little League World Championships of Mixed Martial Arts" (a.k.a., WEC 39) is Sunday night on the Versus channel, and the Corpus Christi, Texas event features featherweight champ Mike "Holy Cow I Beat Urijah Faber?!" Brown defending his belt against Leonard Garcia. Here are some fun facts MMA Journalist has compiled concerning the event:

• Garcia's success in the sport has led to a dramatic rise in his popularity within the drug mule community. There's even a dusty and trash-strewn path through the New Mexico desert named after him.
• Brown still can't believe he defeated Urijah Faber. To remind himself, he's had the side of his van painted with a colorful mural depicting the WEC 36 TKO win - although in the mural Brown is dressed as a wizard and Faber is a giant dragon wearing a nameplate that says "Urijah".
• Bart Palaszewski's last name is actually a shortened version of his family name. On his birth certificate, his last name is listed as "Palaszewskidgnsklnaseit93^%O)kd".
• Rob McCullough has never seen an adult video.
• Jose Aldo's striking is so feared, the trainer who holds his focus mitts must attend therapy three times a week.

Observations From My Couch: WEC 38

• Jose Aldo is emerging as top contender and all around bad dude in the featherweight division. No offense to Rolando Perez, but Aldo deserves a step up in competition.
• Danillo Villefort looked good, but whenever I see WEC welterweights in the cage I can't help but think they're all disappointed they're not in the UFC.
• I hated seeing Jens Pulver lose like that. Is he still relevant? Of course he is. Who else is the WEC going to feed to their 145 pounders to make them look good?
• Urijah Faber. Meh.
• There is nothing more disconcerting than a fighter twisting his own nipples off right before a bout. Thank you, Donald Cerrone, for making me grossed out.
• Jamie Varner. Still the best lightweight out there not good enough for the Octagon.

Observations from My Couch: WEC 37

• Joseph Benavidez and Danny Martinez did not impress. But I guess that's why we have a fast-forward button on our DVR, right?
• You have to have a real solid grasp of jiu-jitsu and submission grappling to have appreciated Wagnney Fabiano's chess match with Akitoshi Tamura - which is a shame, because it was a great fight to watch in that regard.
• Based on his performance, there's no question Fabiano is going to give Mike Brown, Urijah Faber and Leonard Garcia a tough time.
• Did Brian Bowles earn a title shot against Miguel Torres with his defeat of Will Ribeiro? I hope not. Bowles showed he's got nothing Torres need worry about.
• Not only did Torres beat Manny Tapia convincingly, but he beat Tapia convincingly at Tapia's own game. Now THAT'S what a champion is made of.

Major Staff Changes at WEC

According to inside sources, the WEC has undergone some major staffing changes in the past few days. The long-running promotion, which went from a regional, California-based affair to an international Zuffa-owned organization showcasing the best of the lighter weight classes, suffered dismal ratings on its last "Versus" channel event. Included on the list of those who got the axe are janitor John "Broomy" Legumet, who purportedly left a dirty mop head too close to Urijah Faber's hamster cage (Faber subsequently ate it), street team member Spence Feinstein, who failed to put flyers under the windshield wipers of every car in the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino parking lot, and Geraldine "Easy" Ryder, an intern who is allegedly "getting back together with her ex-boyfriend". No word yet if these key employees will be replaced.

Faber and Pulver to Rematch... Because I Guess Their First Bout was Inconclusive or Something

According to an http://www.MMAWeekly.com report, former WEC champ Urijah Faber will rematch with former UFC champ Jens Pulver at WEC 38 on January 25th. The two had met in June at WEC 34, with Faber earning a unanimous decision after winning each round of the five-round championship contest. But despite the decisive victory, questions remained - questions such as, "Is Pulver capable of taking more punishment like that?" and "Can we milk this bout again for more ratings?" On January 25th those questions will be answered.

Observations from My Couch: WEC 36

• Someone needs to let Jake Rosholt know that it's okay to duck and dodge and not get punched in the face. Seriously. The WEC does not have a "Got Punched in the Face A Lot" bonus.
• I can still remember when Jens Pulver was one of the most-feared strikers in the sport. I hate to say it, but he's getting old.
• I would be totally cool with never having to see Paulo Filho fight again. That dude simply did not want to be there, and after three rounds of watching him buttflop, not a soul on the planet wanted him to be in there either.
• Mike Brown took a page out of Seth Petruzelli's book and wrecked a big promotion's poster boy and their best laid plans. Urijah Faber should fight Kimbo Slice to earn his rematch.

Drug-Addled Paulo Filho Thinks He's Gina Carano, Fails to Make Weight

Middleweight belt holder Paulo Filho, whose battles with substance abuse prompted a recent stint in rehab, failed to make weight yesterday for his WEC 36 bout against Chael Sonnen, rendering their championship contest a three-round, non-title affair. The Brazilian Top Team star was reportedly wearing a wig and a skirt at the official weigh-ins, and while insisting everyone call him "Gina", stepped on to the scale at 192 pounds (a whopping seven pounds over the limit). "Paulo is... having some issues right now," said main handler Ed Soares, who ended up chasing Filho around the venue while Filho giggled and squealed. Added Soares: "I assure you, she - err, I mean he - will be ready for his fight." Tonight's WEC 36 will also feature a match-up between minuscule warriors Urijah Faber and Mike Brown and will air live on the "Versus" cable channel.

Ex-Drug Mule Leonard Garcia Focused on WEC 36 Bout

Looking to put his days as a drug mule for the Mexican cartel behind him, 145-pound scrapper Leonard Garcia is very focused on his upcoming WEC 36 bout against former UFC champ Jens Pulver - his first bout back since being swept up in a DEA investigation in March. Garcia's arrest and detainment, which kept him on ice for months, left fans wondering if they'd see the man who battled Roger Huerta and Cole Miller in the Octagon ever again. "That's all behind me now," says Garcia, who sometimes regurgitates old cocaine-filled balloons after intense workouts. "I'm an MMA fighter. That's my job. Not ferrying drugs." The November 5th WEC 36 also features a featherweight championship bout between Urijah Faber and Mike Brown and will air live on the Versus cable channel.

Ultimate Warrior Challenge: "Confrontation" Report

MMA Journalist reporter Adam Butterworth was on hand at the Ultimate Warrior Challenge in Fairfax, Virginia this past weekend to catch Washington, D.C.'s biggest (and only) MMA show. Urijah Faber and Carlos Condit were in attendance, TUF veteran Antwon Britt scored a quick knockout, badass Mike Easton squeaked by with a split decision, and ROC champ Binky Jones lost to Kyle Baker. "The show was awesome," said Adam. "Some terrific fights." Apparently, there were some terrific ring card girls, too.

WEC Succumbs to Wall Street Crisis and Downsizes

The crisis on Wall Street has hit the world of mixed martial arts, with the WEC announcing today that they are officially abolishing their middleweight and light-heavyweight divisions to cut costs. The downsizing, which will leave 185-pound fighters such as Paulo Filho, Chael Sonnen and Tim McKenzie and 205-pound fighters such as Doug Marshall and Steve Cantwell unemployed, allows the promotion to focus completely on the smaller weight classes and save money that would normally be spent on actual human-sized athletes. "It's just dollars and sense," says Head Midget Wrangler Reed Harris. "Someone like Brian Stann is going to want to stay in a room at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino and eat energy bars and fruit backstage, whereas we can just keep Urijah Faber in a small cage and feed him crickets. It's just dollars and sense."

God Declares WEC an Abomination, Sends Hurricane

Taking a stand against what He describes as an "abomination of little people fighting", God has sent Hurricane Ike to the South Florida/Gulf Coast region, forcing the postponement of September 10th's WEC 36 event at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood, Florida to November 5th. "This isn't the first time this has happened," says WEC chief midget wrangler Reed Harris. "God sent down a plague of locusts and made it rain frogs when we did shows in Lemoore, and he turned the water at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas into blood. We just reschedule and keep going." WEC 36 will feature champion hamster Urijah Faber defending his belt against leprechaun Mike Brown, as well as a rematch between Paulo Filho and Chael Sonnen.

WEC to Ditch Human-Sized Weight Classes and Focus on Anything Hobbit-Sized and Smaller

The WEC, home of champion hamster Urijah Faber and some of the best "little fellas" in mixed martial arts, will reportedly be getting rid of their heavier 185-pound and 205-pound weight classes some time in the future. This means the following changes will be implemented:

• Middleweight champ Paulo Filho and light-heavyweight golden boy Brian Stann will migrate to the UFC, where they'll promptly be killed by legitimate competition.
• The cage will be fitted with a giant magnifying glass so viewers can better see the action within and the combatants.
• Two new divisions - the microscopic division and the molecular division - will be added.
• Events will be hosted at the Hard Rock Hotel in Munchkinland, Oz. Also, the Shire.
• Frank Mir will no longer interview the bout winner then turn around and eat the loser.

Wagnney Fabiano to Join WEC's Ranks of Elite Rodentia

Wagnney Fabiano, the IFL's 145-pound title holder, has signed on with the WEC. Fabiano is a South American nutria (think: relative of the muskrat but without the flat tail) and a dominant Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu specialist with knockout hands, and he joins the likes of champion hamster Urijah Faber and top-ranked gerbil Jens Pulver as one of the promotion's elite rodentia competitors. Said Fabiano on the move: "I am thrilled, man. Say, do you have any reeds, cattails or other semi-aquatic vegetation? I love that stuff."