Drunk on Lies and Deceit, Dana White Blasts EliteXC's Kimbo/Ken Shamrock Match-Up

Spewing forth vitriol and words unkind, UFC dictator-for-life Dana White unleashed a profanity-laced tirade of epic proportions in response to the announced match-up between Kimbo Slice and Ken Shamrock for EliteXC's upcoming October 4th show on CBS. Claiming the bout would be the worst thing possible for "this *&^#%^@ sport I made", White attacked the pairing and called it irresponsible matchmaking at its finest. "Ken Shamrock does not belong on primetime television!" said White. "He belongs in the Octagon, fighting Tito Ortiz again! And again! And again!" In addition to the Slice/Shamrock fight, welterweight champ Jake Shields will defend his title against Paul Daley, female superstar Gina Carano will face Kelly Kobald-Gavin, and Benji Radach will square off against Murilo "Ninja" Rua.

Wherefore Art Thou, Josh Rhodes?

In June of 2007, Rhodes, a light-heavyweight with dynamite in his fists, stepped into the cage at CFFC 5 in Atlantic City and battered former TUF competitor Noah Inhofer senseless. This wasn't really anything out of the ordinary for Rhodes, nor was it a shock to East Coasters who'd been watching him wreck opponents left and right since his Reality Fighting debut two years prior. The kid was just a badass, plain and simple. But over a year has passed since that CFFC 5 bout and the college student has purportedly been hitting the books in lieu of the focus mitts - which is not just a loss to fight fans, but a loss to promotions looking to add depth to their 205-pound divisions. With a TKO win over Wayne Cole and KO victory over Lamont Lister, one can't help but wonder how the slugger would do when EliteXC star Rafael "Feijao" Cavalcante starts throwing down, or when Strikeforce champ Bobby Southworth turns up the heat. Wherefore art thou, Josh Rhodes? We want to find out.

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Wagnney Fabiano to Join WEC's Ranks of Elite Rodentia

Wagnney Fabiano, the IFL's 145-pound title holder, has signed on with the WEC. Fabiano is a South American nutria (think: relative of the muskrat but without the flat tail) and a dominant Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu specialist with knockout hands, and he joins the likes of champion hamster Urijah Faber and top-ranked gerbil Jens Pulver as one of the promotion's elite rodentia competitors. Said Fabiano on the move: "I am thrilled, man. Say, do you have any reeds, cattails or other semi-aquatic vegetation? I love that stuff."

Thanks to the IFL, You Can Give a Crap About Sengoku 4

The IFL is dead and gone but its legacy lives on. Case in point: 155-pound champ Ryan Schultz, who will be taking part in the Sengoku 4 lightweight tournament in Japan tonight. "Senwhat" you say? Sengoku, one of the promotions that has arisen to fill the void Pride's demise left behind - and a promotion stocked with so many foreign fighters, the average US MMA fan would likely have no idea who to root for. Gosh, who's going to win in the bout between Kazunori Yokota and Bojan Kosednar? Who's going to come out on top in Eiji Mitsuoka vs. Rodrigo Damm? Who cares! It's all about Team Quest fighter Schultz, a recognizable name on the Sengoku roster thanks to the IFL.

Ali J Shaw to KJ Noons: "Yous is Scared"

Jared "Ali J" Shaw threw down the gauntlet at KJ Noons this week, blasting the EliteXC champ for "bein' a punanni" and failing to accept a proposed rematch against Nick Diaz on their October 4th CBS show. Wearing amber-hued goggles, a bright yellow tracksuit and oversized diamond-encrusted rings shaped like dollar signs, the younger Shaw declared Noons a "batty boy", alleging that the bout was being ducked. "'e's da champ so he needs to ruk da wickedest. We evun offered im wicked mula. But e's scared. Yous ear me, KJ Noons? Yous is scared." No word yet on a response from the Noons camp, or even if anyone on Noons' end could understand Ali J's accusations.

Underground Profile: Shawn Obasi

In December of 2004, a nightclub bouncer named Shawn Obasi stepped into the ring at NYC's Underground Combat League weilding heavy hands and crowd-pleasing intensity. But those attributes were all he had, and the 250-pound Grados Wing Chun representative lost via TKO after nearly seven minutes of fevered scrapping. Fast-forward to the present, where, with grappling knowledge courtesy of Alliance Jiu-Jitsu in Manhattan, the Nigerian-born Bronx native has put himself back on the winning track - first by pounding out one BJJ stylist and then tapping another with a kimura. Obasi is now kicking ass. "I definitely had to focus on my martial arts training and learn all aspects of fighting," he says. "Not just stand-up but groundfighting as well. Before that first fight I had no idea who the Gracies were and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and submission wrestling - really, any other kind of fighting other than what I did." What looms on the horizon for the up-and-coming heavyweight eager to turn pro? "My goal in mixed martial arts is to be number one," says Obasi. "My goal now is to win."

Scientists Disprove Bigfoot Myth

Scientists in California have conclusively proved that Antonio "Bigfoot" Silva is not the EliteXC heavyweight champion. Thanks to measurements of his footprint as well as a urinalysis, it's been determined that the behemoth who TKO'd Justin Eilers at EliteXC's July 26th show is not really a Yeti, Abominable Snowman or other mythical beast but is in fact just some big dude who takes steroids. "He's a fake," said Dr. Walter Grandy of the California Sasquatch Foundation. "At this time, we cannot consider him a Bigfoot nor an EliteXC champ."

A Piece of MMA History: King of the Cage

Sure, King of the Cage is still around. But the incarnation churning out semi-regional shows now is but a shadow of the 2000-2003 version that, at the time, was considered the number two MMA event in the country. Back then, KOTC was a legitimate stepping stone to the UFC and Pride, with stars like Ricco Rodriguez, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, Diego Sanchez and more all paying their dues in the West Coast promotion's cage. Sadly, thanks to some serious product dilution over the span of 120+ shows, winning a belt in the promotion doesn't mean nearly as much as it used to - which is a shame. When all fans had was six UFCs a year plus a few IFCs and Extreme Challenges here and there, KOTC was where it was at.

EliteXC Musical Chairs

The music has stopped for EliteXC's musical chairs, with welterweight champ Jake Shields and challenger Paul Daley finding seats for the October 4th CBS show alongside Gina Carano vs. Kelly Kobold-Gavin and Kimbo Slice vs. Tomato Can. Where does that leave newcomer Lyman Good, who was supposed to fight Daley on the cancelled September 20th card? According to the tea leaves in MMA Journalist's morning cup of caffeine, Good could face either UFC/WEC veteran John Alessio or an enraged panda bear on EliteXC's November 8th Showtime event.