Thursday, November 20, 2008

UFC Cuts Jon Fitch Over Rights to His Soul

The MMA world is abuzz today over the news that top welterweight contender Jon Fitch has been cut from the UFC roster for his management team's refusal to let him sign a contract that would give Zuffa the rights to his image and likeness forever. The contract in question stems from a much-maligned merchandising agreement drawn up by the UFC's Bogunga Indian attorneys (the Bogunga, an Indian tribe in Amazon Jungle, believe all pictures and images of people are mechanisms used to capture the subject's soul), and the UFC has harnessed the dark mystical magic within these merchandising agreements to maintain control over their fighters - and even the industry itself. Also dropped from the UFC's roster are Fitch's American Kickboxing Academy teammates Christian Wellisch and Cain Velasquez. The future of noted welterweight Josh Koscheck, an AKA fighter as well, is also in question. Said AKA Head Shaman "Crazy" Bob Cook, "Oh Great Spirit, please guide us through these trying times. Also, does anyone have Affliction's phone number?"

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