Observations From My Couch: UFC 100

• The robbery perpetrated in the rendering of the decision for the Yoshihiro Akiyama/Alan Belcher fight was so blatant and egregious that Akiyama now has a felony on his record.
• Dan Henderson may have landed a huge, crowd-pleasing knockout, but he did fans everywhere a great disservice. No way are we going to be able to understand what Michael Bisping says now.
• Next on Ultimate Grip Fighting Championship: Jon Fitch vs. Paulo Thiago. Who will come out on top in the meticulous and pain-staking battle to do nothing but place their hands on various strategic parts of their opponent's body? Stay tuned!
• Georges St. Pierre looked dominant, but that groin injury he sustained was inevitable. No one can dry hump someone for 25 minutes without injuring themselves. No one.
• Coors Lite and banging your wife, eh? Brock, are you telling us this because you feel insecure about that dingling tattooed on your chest? Methinks the wrestler doth protest too much.

Predictions for UFC 100: "Ultimate Actually Worth the $44.99 for the Pay-Per-View"

UFC 100 is nearly upon us, and the event - dubbed "Ultimate Actually Worth the $44.99 for the Pay-Per-View" - might actually be worth the clams shelled out to watch the damn thing. There are about two and a half main events, with Brock Lesnar and Frank Mir squaring off, Georges St. Pierre and Thiago Alves doing their thang, and Michael Bisping and Dan Hend... zzzzzz. Ahem, anyway, predictions!

• Brock, oh Brock. Brockety-Brock. Brock-brock-brock-bakaw! Brock-the-house, brock-brock-the-house. Brock-and-roll forever, baby!
• Oh yeah, Mir by submission.
• As Alves is more of a striker than a grappler, St. Pierre's technique of slathering himself with Vaseline, baby oil, raw petroleum and margarine will avail him naught. Alves by TKO, and St. Pierre will leave the Octagon a broken man, comforted only by the loving snorts of his moose, Matilda.
• Dan Henderson is getting old but is still tougher than a $2 steak. Bisping's greatest moment was his gritty portrayal of Pikey Number 4 in the movie "Snatch". Hendo by split decision.
• Congratulations Paulo Thiago, you've defeated Josh Koscheck! Your reward: a fatal beating at the hands of Jon Fitch! Yay!
• Yoshihiro Akiyama by JUDO CHOP! Hiyaaa!

Newsflash: Dana White Doesn't Play Fair

Ivan Tremblow (one of the best MMA bloggers out there) has a pretty solid piece up at http://www.ivansblog.com/ on the whole Dana White/Jon Fitch/American Kickboxing Academy conflagration, and in the article Tremblow points out how White is trying to drive a wedge between fighters and their managers. White's behavior, while reprehensible, is certainly nothing new. According to a manager I spoke to last year, when a certain East Coast fighter made it into the Octagon and earned himself a sizable performance-based bonus, White and company handed the fighter his money personally and urged him to keep it all for himself - a blatant attempt at undermining that fighter's relationship with his manager. Based on this and similar stories, and White's public prompting for Fitch to just call him, White is all about circumventing managers when it suits him. He always has been. And until something changes (fighters' union, anyone?), he always will.

UFC Cuts Jon Fitch Over Rights to His Soul

The MMA world is abuzz today over the news that top welterweight contender Jon Fitch has been cut from the UFC roster for his management team's refusal to let him sign a contract that would give Zuffa the rights to his image and likeness forever. The contract in question stems from a much-maligned merchandising agreement drawn up by the UFC's Bogunga Indian attorneys (the Bogunga, an Indian tribe in Amazon Jungle, believe all pictures and images of people are mechanisms used to capture the subject's soul), and the UFC has harnessed the dark mystical magic within these merchandising agreements to maintain control over their fighters - and even the industry itself. Also dropped from the UFC's roster are Fitch's American Kickboxing Academy teammates Christian Wellisch and Cain Velasquez. The future of noted welterweight Josh Koscheck, an AKA fighter as well, is also in question. Said AKA Head Shaman "Crazy" Bob Cook, "Oh Great Spirit, please guide us through these trying times. Also, does anyone have Affliction's phone number?"