Zuffa Bars Fighters From Talking with Managers and Agents; Also, Family and Friends

According to a report on Sherdog.com, Zuffa has now barred fighters from talking with their managers and agents, going so far as to refuse to issue UFC and WEC event credentials for those representing fighters and forbidding fighters from even talking with such people. Also under consideration is a ban on all fighters communicating with family and friends - a move that bespeaks of Zuffa's desire to keep its employees isolated and malleable. "This is an outrage!" says Ken Pavia, a well-known agent and vampire who has often perched himself up in a venue's rafters and preyed upon the unsuspecting backstage. "You can't keep a fighter away from his representation. It's wrong. Besides, how am I supposed to feed?" Emails to Zuffa for comment went unreturned.

UFC Cuts Jon Fitch Over Rights to His Soul

The MMA world is abuzz today over the news that top welterweight contender Jon Fitch has been cut from the UFC roster for his management team's refusal to let him sign a contract that would give Zuffa the rights to his image and likeness forever. The contract in question stems from a much-maligned merchandising agreement drawn up by the UFC's Bogunga Indian attorneys (the Bogunga, an Indian tribe in Amazon Jungle, believe all pictures and images of people are mechanisms used to capture the subject's soul), and the UFC has harnessed the dark mystical magic within these merchandising agreements to maintain control over their fighters - and even the industry itself. Also dropped from the UFC's roster are Fitch's American Kickboxing Academy teammates Christian Wellisch and Cain Velasquez. The future of noted welterweight Josh Koscheck, an AKA fighter as well, is also in question. Said AKA Head Shaman "Crazy" Bob Cook, "Oh Great Spirit, please guide us through these trying times. Also, does anyone have Affliction's phone number?"

Observations from My Couch: UFN 15

• Houston Alexander is built like an action figure and always seems one punch away from knocking someone out. Unfortunately, he needs to be told that mixed martial arts involves at least some grappling, and that he therefore must train in it.
• Alan Belcher looked impressive out-striking and out-working Ed Herman, but who the heck thought it was a good idea for him to wear that diaper? Is he incontinent?
• Mac Danzig had nothing on Clay Guida's relentless offense. It may be time for that steak, Mac.
• Nate Diaz was composed as all hell and very Kazushi Sakuraba-esqe in his transitions and escapes. However, I'm left with a burning question after his bout last night: does the kid eat? Nate, I don't know what Zuffa is paying you, but if you need food I will totally buy you a case of ramen noodles or something.

MMA Continues to Thrive in New York

Worried about the prospect of never seeing mixed martial arts in New York? Concerned over the Zuffa-promoted bill that legislators pushed to the backburner earlier this year? Afraid that the sport will never take hold in the Empire State? Fear not! There are no less than three under-the-radar amateur MMA shows on tap for the near future, and the events - scheduled for three different parts of the state - are sure to provide enough action to satisfy any action-hungry fan's appetite. Stay tuned to MMA Journalist for more on these underground shows after they happen.