Predictions for UFC 95: "Ultimate Joe-Silva-Not-Even-Trying-Anymore"

Man, the excitement for Saturday's UFC 95 star-studded gala event just builds and builds. MMA Journalist has popped a few Xanax to calm down and has formulated these predictions for the mega-super-ultra-uber-event:

• Josh Koscheck and Paulo Thiago are going to go at it and go at it hard, and I'll probably take this time to sit on the toilet and read the rest of "Blood in the Cage" by L. Jon Wertheim. Maybe I'll take a shower.
• Demian Maia and Chael Sonnen will battle. I think I'll use that time to watch an episode of the "West Wing" on DVR.
• Wilson Gouveia and Nate Marquardt should be a contest of wills and clash of styles. Another episode of "West Wing" on DVR, thank you very much.
• Dan Hardy and Rory Markham will square off in what could be an utter war. Chances are, though, that I will stare at the TV for about 20 seconds, realize I could be eating that leftover pad thai in the refrigerator, and remedy the situation.
• Diego Sanchez vs. Joe Stevenson could be a big ball full of "wow!" so I might actually watch this one at normal speed and not fast-forward (remember: I have DVR). We'll see. I might surf the Internet instead.