Josh Barnett Tests Positive For Anime; Bout with Fedor Off

In what can only be described as a crushing blow to the upcoming Affliction: "Trilogy" card, heavyweight Josh Barnett has tested positive for anime in a California State Athletic Commission pre-fight screening. As a consequence, his August 1st bout against Fedor Emelianenko is off, leaving Affliction promoter and head seamstress Tom Atencio scrambling for a replacement to face the Russian. According to published reports, the specific anime Barnett tested positive for include "Fist of the North Star", "Cowboy Bebop" and "Vampire Hunter D". The former UFC champ also allegedly tested positive for "Akira", but California does not ban "classic anime" for its fighters. No word yet on who might step in to help salvage the suddenly-stricken event on such short notice.

Observations From My Couch: Affliction's "Day of Clobbering"

• Bobby Green really, really, really hates nuts. Like, really.
• Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou. Living proof that judo's submission game has only a third of the calories of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, yet with just as much flavor.
• Vitor Belfort didn't just knock Matt Lindland the heck out, he knocked Lindland back into infanthood. For a while there I thought the ringside physicians were going to have to change "The Law's" diaper and give him a pacifier.
• Gilbert Yvel proved he sure could take a beating. Josh Barnett proved he sure could dish one out.
• There are other more spectacular ways Andrei Arlovski could have lost to Fedor. I cannot, however, think of a single one of them.

Japanese MMA Scene Still Very Relevant

Tomorrow night, at the Saitama Super Arena in Japan, Sengoku will trudge forward with its sixth event - an event that brings us the final two rounds of its lightweight and middleweight grand prix tournaments, plus some moderately interesting bouts featuring Takanori Gomi, Antonio Rogerio Nogueira (yes, the brother of that dude on TUF 8), Jorge Masvidal and Joe Doerksen. Like DREAM, Sengoku is struggling to fill the void Pride FC left behind, and like DREAM, there are some compelling match-ups on deck that could affect fighter rankings worldwide. And sadly, like DREAM, Sengoku will most likely garner the attention of only hardcore fans here in the States. In the past year, Sengoku and DREAM have given studs like Roger Gracie, Eddie Alvarez, Josh Barnett and a ton of others a platform to show the international audience that they're bad, bad men and worthy of respect. It's behooves any true MMA fan to visit sites like http://Sherdog.com and http://www.japan-mma.com/ and check these events out.

Affliction Postpones Second Show After Fighters Refuse to Accept T-Shirts as Payment

Affliction's second pay-per-view event, slated for October 11th in Las Vegas and dubbed "Day of Reckoning", has been postponed to January. According to industry insiders, the postponement is a result of the promotion's roster of fighters collectively refusing to be paid in T-shirts, a move which no doubt will have lasting financial repercussions on the fledgling organization. Said Affliction head seamstress Tom Atencio: "I don't understand it. Each of these intricately designed shirts - such as the 100% cotton, red river lava wash 'Sketchbook Reaper' tee and the 100% cotton, black lava wash 'Eagle Shield' tee - accurately portray the rebellious spirit of men today. Fighters like Josh Barnett and Andrei Arlovski should appreciate them more than actual money. Am I right?" The venue for the January event will now be the Honda Center in Anaheim, California.

Affliction to Defy Odds by Having Second Show

Despite spending a quadrillion dollars on their debut event, upstart MMA promotion Affliction is moving full speed ahead on a second show. Scheduled for October 11th at the palacial Taj Mahal in India, "Day of Reckoning" will feature Andre Arlovski versus Josh Barnett, Ben Rothwell versus Pedro Rizzo, Paul Buentello versus Roy Nelson, and match-ups between any other fighters willing to accept ten times what the UFC pays. Said Affliction head seamstress Tom Atencio: "I stole Donald Trump's credit card. Can you believe there's no credit limit on this thing? I just bought a freakin' island, man. An island!"

Observations from My Couch: Affliction "Banned"

- Matt Lindland edged out Brazilian newcomer Fabio "Negao" Nascimento for the unanimous decision win after a grueling three-round fight, which served to remind fans yet again that the "Law" is boring as hell. Boring. As. Hell. - Megadeth? Really? - Antonio Rogerio Nogueira, Mike Pyle, Babalu, Mark Hominick and Vitor Belfort all scored victories by various means. According to the promoter, they will all fight champ Fedor Emelianenko simultaneously at the next event. Pyle and Hominick are even allowed to bring guns. - Megadeth? Seriously? - Josh Barnett's KO of Pedro Rizzo was a thing of beauty, and avenged Barnett's 2001 loss to the Brazilian slugger. Rizzo now must return Barnett's collection of Robotech: "The Macross Saga" DVDs and life-size Gundam replica. - Andre Arlovski crushed Ben Rothwell's soul. That's it. Nothing more needs to be said. - Megadeth? Really? This isn't some sort of joke? - Fedor's bout with Tim Sylvia lasted only 36 seconds. Why so quick? Fedor wanted to get back home so he could watch UFC Fight Night 14 on DVR.