Tom Atencio: "Rumors of Poor Ticket Sales Are Untrue. In Fact, I've Bought Thousands of Them."

Affliction Head Seamstress Tom Atencio, confronting rumors about lackluster ticket sales for the January 24th Affliction: "Day of Reckoning" show, issued a statement yesterday in an effort to stave off naysayers heralding the promotion's doom. "Rumors of poor ticket sales are untrue," said Atencio to a variety of fashion and MMA-related Internet forums. "In fact, I've bought thousands of them." Atencio went on to describe the boxes and boxes of tickets littered about his condo, and how he's almost maxed out money man Donald Trump's credit card with these and other purchases. Day of Reckoning will take place at the Honda Center in Anaheim, California, and will air live on pay-per-view. A bout between Fedor Emelianenko and Andrei Arlovski headlines.

Fedor Realizes He Can't Speak English, Cancels US Press Tour

Fedor Emelianenko, widely hailed as the best heavyweight fighter in the world, has cancelled his US press tour according to a written statement from his management team. The cancellation comes after the Russian sambo specialist's sudden realization that he cannot speak English, a realization that struck when Fedor was presented with his itinerary (which was to include interviews on "The Today Show" and "Nightline" as well as guest lectures at Columbia University, Yale and Harvard). "This man who follows me around and repeats what I say, but in other languages, I think he's a translator," said Fedor through a translator. "Really, I just thought people couldn't understand me because I mumble. But no, it's because I don't speak anything but Russian." Fedor is set to face former UFC champ Andrei Arlovski at Affliction's sophomore outing on January 24th.

EliteXC "Heat" Liveblog 7

• The Internet connection in the arena bites the big one.
• The crowd really loves Gina Carano. She might be ready to move out to a ranch in Texas and start her own cult. Carano's definitely got the followers.
• Andrei Arlovski also got a lot of love from the crowd. Although someone behind me asked if it was true that he was a werewolf.
• Roy Nelson fought surprisingly well. NASCAR fans should be very proud.

Ex-UFC Champ to Face IFL Champ at EliteXC/CBS Show; Enraged Dana White Kicks Dog

Former UFC heavyweight champ Andrei Arlovski will square off against IFL heavyweight champ Roy Nelson at the October 4th EliteXC event, according to a report on Sherdog.com . As Arlovski is under contract with Affliction, the bout, which is purported to be slated for the live CBS prime time broadcast, is a joint EliteXC/Affliction affair. Upon hearing this news, UFC Tyrant Dana White allegedly became enraged, and promptly kicked a dog.

Affliction Postpones Second Show After Fighters Refuse to Accept T-Shirts as Payment

Affliction's second pay-per-view event, slated for October 11th in Las Vegas and dubbed "Day of Reckoning", has been postponed to January. According to industry insiders, the postponement is a result of the promotion's roster of fighters collectively refusing to be paid in T-shirts, a move which no doubt will have lasting financial repercussions on the fledgling organization. Said Affliction head seamstress Tom Atencio: "I don't understand it. Each of these intricately designed shirts - such as the 100% cotton, red river lava wash 'Sketchbook Reaper' tee and the 100% cotton, black lava wash 'Eagle Shield' tee - accurately portray the rebellious spirit of men today. Fighters like Josh Barnett and Andrei Arlovski should appreciate them more than actual money. Am I right?" The venue for the January event will now be the Honda Center in Anaheim, California.