Observations From My Couch: UFC 103 "Bye-Bye CroCop"

• After the beating suffered at the hands of Vitor Belfort, Rich Franklin must really be hating Brazilians right now.
• After the beating suffered at the hands (and knees) of Junior dos Santos, Mirko CroCop must really be hating that he can't do steroids for his US fights.
• After the beating suffered at the hands of Paul Daley, Martin Kampmann must really be hating that no one at Xtreme Couture taught him how to do takedowns.
• After the beating suffered at the hands of Josh Koscheck, Frank Trigg must really be hating the fact that he's gotten old.
• Holy crap did Hermes Franca look out of shape and untrained.
• After the beating suffered at the hands of Efrain Escudero, Cole Miller must really be hating all that time spent practicing jiu-jitsu instead of boxing.
• After that beating suffered at the hands of Tomasz Drwal, Drew McFedries must really be hating the Polish lack of vowels in their names.
• Jim Miller's jiu-jitsu is so good, he doesn't even have to touch you to dislocate your shoulder with a kimura.

Predictions for UFC 103: "Come On, CroCop, Don't Mess This Up"

Just a few scant days after UFC Fight Night 19 and the TUF 10 premiere comes UFC 103, a pay-per-view extravaganza featuring no title bouts and no match-ups of any real consequence. Wahoo! Fighting at a catch-weight of 195 are Vitor Belfort and Rich Franklin, because 195 pounds is cool and hip and all the kids are doing it, while Mirk CroCop returns to hopefully not get clobbered. So, predictions!

• The last seven fights Tyson Griffin has taken part in have ended via decision, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's going to defeat jiu-jitsu black belt Hermes Franca by... Falcon punch!
• Josh Koscheck and Frank Trigg are two solid wrestlers who like to throw punches and get knocked out. Look for a double-KO in this one.
• Martin Kampmann is Danish, which means when you bite into him you get a mouthful of frosting and some raisins. Brit striker Paul Daley hates raisins.
• CroCop is going to TKO the less-experienced Junior dos Santos, which sets up a nice revenge match for a future UFC between the Croatian and Senior dos Santos.
• Belfort is going to hit Franklin so hard, Franklin will no longer be qualified to teach high school arithmetic - only gym or special education.

Predictions for UFC 93: "Franklin vs. Henderson vs. Leprechauns"

UFC 93: "Franklin vs. Henderson" goes down tomorrow night in Dublin, Ireland - the land of Guinness, floozies, leprechauns and floozies. Woot! Here are some predictions:

• A takedown will, at some point, be attempted in the Mark Coleman/Mauricio "Shogun" Rua match-up. Yeah, that's a given.
• As a devout Christian, Rich Franklin is bound to mention God if he wins. As a Native American heathen savage, Dan Henderson's victory speech will mention Great Spirit.
• Rousimar Palhares will be kept in a cage in the locker room before his bout, and regardless of whether or not he wins or loses, he will return to that same cage afterwards. Because, you know, he's well-trained (poo-flinging aside).
• If, by the third round, it seems that Marcus Davis and Chris Lytle's "Fight of the Night" bonus is in jeopardy, the two have agreed to simply just charge each other and butt heads like rams. This will end up happening, and the true loser of the event will be the janitor who has to clean that mess up.
• Someone in the audience will get drunk. And throw up. Hey, it is Dublin after all.

UFC 93 Fun Facts

On Saturday, January 17th, the UFC returns to Ireland for UFC 93: "Guinness-Flavored Vomit" (cue festive Irish jig music). Anyhoo, here are some fun facts concerning the Dan Henderson/Rich Franklin-headlined event:

• In the build-up to the main event, Dan Henderson and Rich Franklin have played up the fact that they're indifferent toward each other. In fact, they've never met, and for years Franklin thought Henderson was Matt Lindland.
• Mark Coleman and Mauricio "Shogun" Rua are rematching after their Pride fight ended with Shogun badly dislocating his elbow. Their respective corners will also be rematching afterwards backstage, with someone standing on Wanderlei Silva's neck and Silva threatening to beat up Phil Baroni, Quinton Jackson and anyone else nearby.
• Denis Kang is really a future version of Doctor Doom. He's here in this timeline thanks to a time machine.
• Rousimar Palhares was raised in the jungles of the Amazon by a clan of uacari monkeys.
• Marcus Davis and Chris Lytle have a gentleman's agreement to only punch each other in the face until they're concussed and brain damaged.

Patrick Cote: "Wait, I'm Fighting Who?"

Patrick Cote was finally told yesterday that his UFC 90 opponent is none other than middleweight champ Anderson Silva, a fact that was kept from the Canadian slugger since he signed the generic bout agreement months ago. Cote was reportedly kept in the dark by his management team because no one in their right mind would want to get in the cage with the man who destroyed former champ Rich Franklin twice and made short work of Pride champ Dan Henderson. Standing behind the podium at a press conference when he heard the news, Cote at first seemed shocked, then became dismayed. "Wait, I'm fighting who?" he said before throwing his UFC cap to the ground and storming off the stage. "Yeah, we didn't tell him who he was fighting," said Muay Thai trainer Mark DellaGrotte. DellaGrotte worked with Cote on possible strategies for the UFC 90 bout, including the "go fetal and cry" maneuver and the "tap out really, really fast" technique, and though DellaGrotte was successful in keeping the opponent's identity a secret, he feels strongly about Cote's chances. "If he does what we practiced, he may make it out of the cage alive. Unconscious, but alive." UFC 90 airs Saturday night on pay-per-view, and in addition to the Silva/Cote bout, it features a welterweight match-up between Thiago Alves and Josh Koscheck.

Rich Franklin Finds Home at 205 Beating Up the Handicapped

Rich Franklin, the UFC middleweight champ until Anderson Silva beat him effortlessly and mercilessly two years ago, has found a new home for himself in the organization's 205-pound division. Defeating some deaf dude by TKO at UFC 88, Franklin seemed to have regained the fire Silva had stomped out of him - and he appears to have carved out a niche for himself as the "go to" light-heavyweight opponent for all handicapped fighters. "He looked great in there," said UFC Vice President of Talent Exploitation Joe Silva. "The fans responded to his win against that guy who can't hear anything. I think I'm going to put Rich in against a blind guy next, and then maybe someone in a wheelchair."