Observations From My Couch: UFC 101

• Kurt Pellegrino earned a solid win over a decent opponent in Josh Neer, and "Batman" managed to do it without using his air-powered grappling-hook gun, his forearm brace that shoots throwing stars, or any of the other nifty inventions the Dark Knight often employs.
• I love Ricardo Almeida and believe he's an icon, but against Kendall Grove the man was a human hug-machine and blanket. I miss the smooth submission master.
• Maybe Amir Sadollah's bout was stopped too soon, maybe it wasn't. Either way, he needs to learn to intelligently defend himself at all times.
• Aaron Riley vs. Shane Nelson was like a man fighting a boy. Nelson needs to hit puberty fast if wants to be competitive against the other lightweights.
• Anderson Silva didn't just defeat Forrest Griffin, he owned him. Griffin is now Silva's manservant and must do his new master's bidding without question.
• Regardless of whatever happens at welterweight, BJ Penn is the absolute king of the lightweights. Who can possibly challenge him? Diego Sanchez? Frankie Edgar? Gray Maynard? Maybe if they all fought him at once...

Predictions for UFC 101: "Ultimate No Eddie Alvarez"

The UFC comes to Philly - the land of cheesesteaks, aggressive football fans and restaurants where smoking is allowed - and strangely enough, the card lacks fighters from Pennsylvania. Wait, that's not true. Undercarder Matt Riddle was born in Allentown before moving to New York. But other than that, it's doubtful that anyone competing on Saturday night could even find the state on the map. Why the shortage on homegrown talent? Was there no one local worthy of setting foot in the Octagon? I wonder... So, wahoo! UFC 101 predictions!

• It's easy to assume that BJ Penn is going to slaughter Kenny Florian, especially since Penn hasn't lost at lightweight since UFC 35 (and even then it was a close decision). But I give Florian a lot of credit for making himself into a skilled and dangerous fighter, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say Penn will merely massacre the New Englander.
• Forrest Griffin's got a lot heart - which will be proven when Anderson Silva rips it out of the TUF winner's chest and holds it up for all to see.
• Amir Sadollah - does anyone really remember who he is or what happened during his season of TUF? I sure don't. In fact, when he gets into the cage and faces off against Johny Hendricks, Hendricks is going to snap his fingers and say, "Oh, now I remember who you are! You're my pizza delivery guy!"
• If Kendall Grove survives Ricardo Almeida's early, first-round submission assault, Almeida will be mentally broken and become easy prey for the Hawaiian's... whatever it is he does. Clinch and knee game? Dirty boxing? Who knows.
• Josh Neer vs. Kurt Pellegrino? That match-up has staph infection written all over it! (Get it? 'Cause they're both grapplers? Heh.)

UFC 101 in Philadelphia to Not Be Headlined By Eddie Alvarez

The juggernaut that is the UFC will be coming to Philadelphia for UFC 101, and the organization is pulling out all the stops for its first event in the "City of Brotherly Love" by reportedly not having Philadelphia-based superstar Eddie Alvarez headline the show. Slated for August 8th at the Wachovia Center, UFC 101 will see non-Philadelphia native BJ Penn taking on another non-Philly fighter in Kenny Florian, while non-Philadelphia resident Forrest Griffin squares up against someone who probably couldn't even find Philadelphia on the map in Thiago Silva. Meanwhile, top-ten lightweight and local hero Alvarez still is not headlining the event (much less in the show). Said a spokesman for the organization, "We're very excited to be coming to Philadelphia - a place rich in pugilistic history and tradition - and what better way to celebrate our arrival than by not having the most successful Philadelphia-based fighter of all time on the card?"

Mean University to Jardine: "Academia or Fighting - It's Time to Choose"

On the eve of Keith Jardine's main event bout against Quinton "Rampage" Jackson at UFC 96, his employer in the realm of higher education has issued a statement demanding the "Dean of Mean" return to his post at Mean University - or else lose his job and tenure. "Academia or Fighting - it's time to choose, Professor Jardine," said Dr. Roland Provence, President of Mean University, in a letter addressed to the Greg Jackson-trained fighter. "We on the school board understand that a career as a professional mixed martial arts athlete can be quite rigorous and demanding, but as Dean of Mean Studies, you have a responsibility to the school and its students." Jardine attained his Doctorate in Meaness prior to his appearance on TUF 1, and was given a tenured position on the faculty sometime after his defeat of Forrest Griffin at UFC 66. However, according to Dr. Provence, Jardine has not lectured or published any papers in his field since, which are requirements of all faculty members. "Without question we are proud of your accomplishments within the Octagon," the statement continued. "But the University needs its Dean back. And if he's not coming back, then we'll have to hire someone else for the position." As of this post, Jardine has yet to respond.

Quinton Jackson: "God Wants Me to Get Beat Up Again - So That's What I'm Gonna Do"

Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, former light-heavyweight champ and full-time vision-seeing lunatic, is slated to face off against Wanderlei Silva at UFC 92 in Las Vegas - only a few short months after the colorful but troubled star went off the deep end and led police on a high-speed chase. This will be the third clash between Jackson and Silva, with their two prior encounters (in Pride) resulting in Jackson stunned and mumbling about being Joan of Arc and not wanting any more tamales. Why would the popular fighter agree to take on Silva once more? Said Jackson, "God wants me to get beat up again - so that's what I'm gonna do." UFC 92 will also feature 205-pound champ Forrest Griffin defending his belt against Rashad Evans.

Rampage Formally Charged for Rampage

Former UFC champ Quinton "Rampage" Jackson was formally charged by the Orange County Dristrict Attorney for his July 15th car chase yesterday. In the July 15th incident, Jackson allegedly drove on a sidewalk in Costa Mesa, fled from police, and damaged other motor vehicles. The charges are as follows: one felony count of "sodomy by car", one felony count of "unlawful use of Xyience", two misdemeanor counts of "failing to make TUF 7 interesting", and one misdemeanor count of "losing to Forrest Griffin". If convicted, Jackson could face up to three years on the UFC's undercard.

Exclusive: Foosball Table Not Happy with Upcoming TUF 8 Season

The eighth season of "The Ultimate Fighter" is nearly upon us, and it brings with it all the usual pre-show hype and promises of excitement. However, not everyone is happy with this upcoming edition of the hit reality TV series. Last season, the TUF house's foosball table was dumped into the pool during an episode of drunken mayhem; MMA Journalist caught up with that foosball table to get its thoughts on the new season. MMA Journalist: How you doing? Foosball Table: I'm doing good. MMA Journalist: You've been a permanent fixture in the TUF house for a while now and you've seen things from a very different perspective than those watching at home. What are your thoughts on this season? Foosball Table: I think it sucked. Not because of anything to do with the fights or the drama or whatever, but because I'm sick of being in constant fear for my life. MMA Journalist: Fear for your life? Foosball Table: Yeah. You have no idea what it's like to be a piece of furniture in that house cooped up with those guys - very physical guys who at any moment could snap and turn around and smash you. That's no way to live, man. MMA Journalist: But I thought Dana White said that whoever trashes the house this season would have to pay for the damages? Didn't that make things safer for you? Foosball Table: Um, not so much. I mean, regardless of who's footing the bill, the producers are still stocking the place with liquor and it's still always my ass on the line once the booze starts flowing. Did you know Forrest Griffin threw up in me during the filming of season five? The dude wasn't even staying at the house! Did you know Nate Diaz tried to smoke me? And I'm not even going to tell you what Patrick Cote did to my goalie! MMA Journalist: Wow. Sounds rough. Foosball Table: 'Rough' is an understatement. MMA Journalist: Well, thanks for your time. Foosball Table: No problem.

Brock Lesnar Blazes Trail for Other MMA-Curious Athletes

Former pro-wrestler Brock Lesnar racked up his first win in the Octagon at Saturday night's UFC 87, and Lesnar's three-round dismantling of veteran Heath Herring has opened the door for other MMA-curious athletes to try their hand at sport. MMA Journalist has obtained a copy of the Zuffa internal memo extolling the virtues of cross-sport pollination. The memo goes on to order matchmakers to pursue high-level competitors from other athletic endeavours, and it lists potential candidates. Names on the list include: - PGA Tour winner and all-around golfing stud Phil Mickelson. It is believed that Mickelson would debut as a middleweight, and after defeating a scrub, would face Anderson Silva for the belt. - Boston Red Sox starting pitcher Curt Schilling. Because UFC president Dana White is a fellow Beantowner, Schilling will be given an immediate title shot against light-heavyweight champ Forrest Griffin. - NHL player and Detroit Red Wing goaltender Ty Conklin. Conklin will cut to welterweight, where he'll face Georges St. Pierre in a non-title bout after the two serve as opposing coaches on the ninth season of "The Ultimate Fighter". - Professional ten-pin bowler Wes "Big Nasty" Malott. Malott will enter the deep pool of talent in the UFC's heavyweight division, and after Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, Frank Mir and maybe one or two other legitimate fighters are lured away by Affliction, Malott will face Lesnar for the belt.